tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84092686080763905572024-02-20T13:22:24.002+03:00Flows and FloetrySmith Obahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803956940215305802noreply@blogger.comBlogger231125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8409268608076390557.post-23949471145849005932012-04-06T12:16:00.002+03:002012-04-06T12:27:39.803+03:00Motivational Keynote Forgers<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:lidthemeasian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:lidthemecomplexscript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> <w:splitpgbreakandparamark/> 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mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal">There’s a new fad in town, and no, it’s not the KCCA buses with those cool number plates, I need to get me one o’ those, they are like personalized plates, “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">Baffudde</i>”, though not quite, who do I bribe?</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Anywho, the fad is “Motivational Speaking”, which like “Sunset Beach” in 1998, is catching the majority of dime seekers like the flu. Like Pastors who as businessmen (and women) failed to earn money importing women’s products like braids and settled for the more lucrative and tax free venture of spreading the word and rejecting coins while accumulating tithe and Range Rovers, business minded chaps have fallen for motivational speaking like they did for online forex trading, and it’s so easy to start up, for here’s the steps how;</p> <p class="MsoNormal">1 – Go to Aristoc Booklex, preferably the Garden City branch, for unlike the one at the City Center, thou motivational self shall not be accosted by those dirty street begging 3 year olds that be wiping their noses with their bare skin- rash covered knuckles before attacking you physically by pulling on your trousers requiring you to relieve your pocket of a few coins before they can retract their rabid paws off your Gucci coverings, you motivator you! Got distracted there by that bad experience………………………anyway, once at Aristoc, look for that guy walking up and down the aisles like a research worker for Professor Barya gathering all sorts of info for his boss’s first authentic research project, for he aint no research worker, he is the book help. He will guide you to a big shelf called “Self Help”, and these invaluable books have all the info that you shall be dissecting to your audience, shit like “how to be a lovable boss” or “how to fire that bitch and start on your own”, just copy and paste the data, your audience hates books they won’t notice shit.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">2 – Learn the art of forging <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">mnemonics</b> (it’s a hard word, it shows how brainy u are). For example, you, the brainiest motivator that ever lived, shall be invited to one of these large corporate organizations, coz their bored HR managers have learnt that workers need a talk once in a while. If the organization is involved in selling, let’s say airtime or bank account packages like those silly kid’s accounts, engage those workers with a forged mnemonic, for example, start by saying that “today’s theme for you is to be S.M.A.R.T, please open your catalogues made by our professional team, you are smart and you must have smart goals; Your personal smartness entails;</p> <p class="MsoNormal">S – Smart (wear nice suits, and iron them well for God’s sake)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">M – Motivated from within (think like this is your own company)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">A – Ambitious (set yourself targets like they were stars, u’ll reach the clouds)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">R – Reachable (move with your blackberry at all times)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">T – Time conscious (bitch, never be late or you’ll lose your clients)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">See how easy that shit was, then the next thing is to tell the gullible public to set their goals, tagets and ambitions based on the smart principle, for this is today’s theme, so here is how you should set them, they must be;</p> <p class="MsoNormal">S – Specific (clear about what, where, when, which and whose; we call that the 5 W’s)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">M – Measurable (able to quantify the targets and objectives)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">A – Achievable (unlike A4C, please be realistic)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">R – Realistic (unlike A4C, first look at the real life)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">T – Time bound (like a new year’s resolution, this shyte must be accomplished by…….)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">After dazzling these dwanzies with these insights only previously delivered by sages and King’s counsels in the royal courts of the earlier centuries, thou brainy self shall be invited to the military to give a motivational speech to the troops, just go to your MS Powerpoint and edit some shit;</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Salutations o ye brave ones, I bring you great news, you shall be SMART in your military objectives and what you do, your weapons too, you shall be;</p> <p class="MsoNormal">S – Selective (do not shoot at civilians, select the enemy)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">M – Medals (Be a hero, and earn at least a Nalubaale medal before you retire)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">A – Ammunition (Choose only the best, fuck the Uzis, the AK47 is still the shyte)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">R – Rank (do very good stuff, for your rank is your motivation)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">T – Tactical (only retire and join FDC if u are really sure there is dimes, some colleagues are suffering)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And just like that, u can pick your cheque.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">So for those guys that are paying 15,000/= per seat to get a dose of the above bullshit and a bottle of mineral water (not even that cool Rwenzori one, the ordinary Riham stuffs), how about u give me that dime and I forge for you what u want to hear……..not so?</p> <p class="MsoNormal">For those on the other end of the stage that are delivering the speech, make new business cards and call yourself an “Accomplished Keynote Speaker”, and let the forging begin, see u in the bank.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p>Smith Obahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803956940215305802noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8409268608076390557.post-23216493421230025522012-02-23T19:05:00.005+03:002012-02-23T19:09:56.870+03:00Spoken Word Rwanda!! 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mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal">It’s rare to come from “outside countries” and find that the “other country” is way cooler than yours. After having been fed on “propaganda” of how clean the city is and how well run it was, it was about time someone came over and saw the “lies” first hand. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">The utterly baffled narrator was utterly baffled to find that not only was the “propaganda” true, but it kind of even went beyond expectations, I mean who puts Christmas lights in the tarmac roads to dazzle us in the night time?? They should have been removed on Boxing Day for God’s sakes!! Aren’t there people on <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">load shedding </i>that need this power? Do they even know what <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">load shedding </i>is??</p> <p class="MsoNormal">What was even worse was that at 5pm, more bafflement-attacks kept hitting the narrator, for electricity was just not going off, what kind of world is this? There is power for more than 24 hours straight?? 2 weeks?? What gives?? And when it rains, where is all the garbage that is supposed to flow right in the middle of the road?? And where, pray tell, is the dust? These hankies were not bought for nothing damn it!!!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The best part of it all though, was the cultural aspect of the whole thing, a “Spoken Word” session, only previously heard of in “Russell Simmons Def Jam Poetry” DVD’s that we used to borrow, that’s immediately after washing our hands of the accumulated dust on the way to the video library.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">On the Kampala scene (busted), the closest that comes to a poetry session is the “Lantern Meet of Poets” where one recites a poem then the rest of the chaps attending tear it down like a bone in the jaws of a hyena, “I believe your talents are better placed in a local shrine”, the “critic” would confidently yawn, like it were Pop Idols and there are 20 Simon Cowells, what about??</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Spoken Word Rwanda, on the contrary, is nothing but love for any soul that dares entertain whoever is in the crowd, well at least you tried.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Occurring every other Wednesday at Shooters Club (it also has a bar), the sessions are interspersed <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>with song and comic relief from some of the presenting crew, while a couple of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">sessionists</i> usually put us right back in our places when they rhyme in French, leaving some members cursing why they opted for Commerce instead of the lingua while in Senior 2.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Created by a duo of 2 literary scholars, who happen to still be in the category of “youth”, the sessions are reaching fever pitch levels, even soccer games, the ultimate worshipping alter for any African character, are ignored like a mad lumpen on a city street drinking boiled paraffin, if they dare show while the session is in progress.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Lyricists on the night we showed face (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">pardon moi</i>, never to remember names) spat rhymes like they were auditioning for a hip hop class act, with some memorable phrases like: “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">my ex-girlfreind should be an actress, unfortunately if she found out it was a job, she would blow it…..”, “like a rabid dog infected with rabies, al attack you with my love and infect you with babies….I put the star in start, I put the cute in execute”, “voulez vous couche avec moi, cest soi….”</i></p> <p class="MsoNormal">The last verse is forged just to show how the lingua was changing, thank you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">Lady Marmalade</i> singers.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">So come next session, we shall be representing the city of black gold….er, black dust, sorry there mate, hoping the theme shall be one of these;</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Pot Holes and their positive effects on tyres”, “Qualifying tips for the African Cup of Nations”, “Bribery Re-loaded”, “Embezzlement Un-Cut”, “The Positive effects of Tear Gas”, or “How to rule ……. like forever”, we’ll be on point.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Out!!</p>Smith Obahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803956940215305802noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8409268608076390557.post-2149998380636142752011-12-23T16:07:00.005+03:002011-12-23T16:22:07.614+03:00The Story of the Miracle Birth<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:lidthemeasian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:lidthemecomplexscript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> <w:splitpgbreakandparamark/> <w:dontvertaligncellwithsp/> <w:dontbreakconstrainedforcedtables/> <w:dontvertalignintxbx/> 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mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal">An extremely long time ago, 4BC or thereabouts, before the introduction of company-branded calendars and office-department end of year parties, there was a young virgin named Mary, who lived in Nazareth, and had just been engaged to a one Joseph, whose stag party had been held at a remote drinking spot in Galilee, a small town where he lived with his fiancé Mary, and it is rumored that the wine got finished, but there was no one to turn the plenty of water into boxes of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">Namaqua</i>, not at least for 30 more years or so.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Earlier on in the Old Testament, the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">Nastradamus</i> of the times had predicted that in this very dingy town, the messiah would be born to a very special lady, whose pregnancy was to be inflicted by <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">Gad</i> himself, as the future kid was no human being, but would come in human flesh, although a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">Gad</i> in his own right. A cross-section of atheists that was refusing to believe this theory was asked to look into their LG freezers where they saw that <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>the water they had put in as liquid had turned to ice which was also steaming cold, it was all water in 3 forms, innit, atheist bitch??? *<i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">good one</i></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Then an angel visited Mary one day,told her kneel down and pray, for unto her a man child would be born (<span style="font-size:85%;">*then Lauryn Hill used that line in her hit jam, <span style="font-style: italic;">Zion</span></span>), not Pee Wee Herman, but a child who is a boy, through a chow by the Holy Spirit. While still blasting away to her engagement to the carpenter, she miraculously missed her period, and dashed to the nearby pharmacy where she procured herself a pregnancy test kit which she <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">peed</i> on and gave a 2 minute wait for color separation, watching with bated breath as the colors turned all the way to positive.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">It was hard work explaining to her fiancé how this happened, for he must have thought it was that dis-trustful <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>blacksmith that lived next door. The next thing we heard, he had taken her to court like her name was Bad Black, only to turn around and give her a lip kiss in court. Pundits trying to figure out what the hell was going on were later told that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">Gad</i> had sent an angel to Joseph’s dream telling him to calm the hell down, it was really his kid, and which male lumpen wouldn’t want his wife to have <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">Gad’s</i> kid?</p> <p class="MsoNormal">On a starry night, Joe and Mary headed to Bethlehem for a census that had been called up, probably to figure out how to share the nation’s resources, like Abyei. Because all the inns were full, the young couple found a stable nearby during labor pains where the handler’s said “<span style="font-weight: bold;">Push</span>”, while she cursed the hell out of the person responsible for taking her through all this pain, like any woman would do…poor <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">Gad</i>! The father couldn’t attend the birth ceremony, a theory that explains why men, till today, dodge the hospital during child birth! The kid was then placed in a manger and dressed in fresh Huggies and baby overalls.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Nearby in the fields, an angel appeared to a bunch of shepherds who announced to them the birth of the newest celebrity kid, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">Gad’s</i> own, and these rushed over there to celebrate like it was a Chaka Demus and Pliers show! To crown it all, 3 wise guys appeared from the east bearing gifts, which have been revealed to be the new Play Station 5, “It’s a Baby Boy” cards from Bethlehem 24 hour shopping center and myrrh, among other stuffs.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Reigning NRM ruler King Herod had asked the wise guys to show him the new kid after finding him so he would show his respect, like South Korea to Kim Jong Il, but the wise guys “had a dream”, not that one day they would be free at last, but that the naughty King was planning to kill off his future competition like a lion that had just taken over a pride, so they never reported back, earning themselves a name, "NRM rebels", and the kid surviving to tell his stories.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">This, ladies and gents, is what we are celebrating, the birth. Any other related stories can be found in the bible!</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p>Smith Obahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803956940215305802noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8409268608076390557.post-88548980767956150082011-11-16T13:07:00.001+03:002011-11-16T13:07:53.819+03:00Forgive........and kind of Forget!!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:lidthemeasian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:lidthemecomplexscript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> <w:splitpgbreakandparamark/> 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mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal">Pastor Kayanja has vowed “never to forgive” the four pastors who dragged him to court on account of him “playing golf on the wrong golf courses”, if u know wat I mean.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">In other un-related news, the Pastor, while preaching to his congregation on one of his many “healing crusade tours”, told them that forgiving another person is the most divine attribute anyone can have and will guarantee them entering heaven when the time comes, as they shall have portrayed a characteristic only Jesus has ever shown, since it was he that said, “thou selfish punk shall forgive thine nasty offender seventy times seven times”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Ok Jesus, let’s assume we follow you up on this, seventy times seven, according to my “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">Cashio</i>” fake digital calculator, is 490 times. This means that after being offended and thereafter forgiving punks for bullshit crimes against you 490 times, you have every right to kick their balls right back into their sacs, or bitch slap the offenders if you just so happen to be stronger than they are.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I still have 2 cases against the Government to reach 490 then I shall also riot, but KCC is now on 623, and a couple of corporate bosses reached 900 “crimes” by Sep 2010, crimes of which include “feeling ballistic with their ipads”, mbu they are “conferencing with group about regional quarterly targets”, posing wankers!!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Forgiving is not in itself an end, as it entails the rather difficult bit of forgetting, which is next to impossible, unless you are a politician and are tasked to remember your campaign promises! Or a husband for that matter, after proclaiming to all those promises and vows at the alter that are somehow quickly forgotten, now that’s some bullshit!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Jesus did not forget the lashes he received, or the crown of thorns bestowed upon his forehead, which explains why he refused to return to earth in the year 2000, as had been threatened by his “messiahs” in Revelations. “Dad, send someone else, those earth guys are maniacs”, he was quoted as saying by a heavenly tabloid! “Besigye hasn’t even had half of what I went through”, he reiterated his thoughts.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">However even in all this punishment, Jesus said he had forgiven his tormentors, unlike Ghaddafi who simply kept asking “what have I done to you?” The Holy Son, who is not being groomed for the top spot owing to the fact that his Father’s job is forever, said “I forgive ‘em, for they do not know what they are doing”, a statement that has been dismissed as <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">cow pupu</i> by the Pastor Kayanja. He (Kayanja) said, “my tormentors <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal">know</b> what they are doing, so fuck ‘em”, although in the real words he was more cautious with his French.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Kizza Besigye, who has gone through a kind of similar treatment like Jesus (Unlike the cross, he was carrying his rack sack the whole time, oba it has a fresh pair of sneakers) has also not forgiven his tormentors, the tear gas platoon! He wants to sue them individually at the ICC, the International Criminal Court for Africans, we wait.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">So as we head toward yet another festive season of forgiving, let’s remember that that it strictly applies only 490 times, however, you have to forget the number of times.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">That is the irony!</p>Smith Obahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803956940215305802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8409268608076390557.post-60718052528330989072011-09-12T20:58:00.003+03:002011-09-12T21:06:04.282+03:00How to write a Ugandan best seller!!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> 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</w:lsdexception> </w:lsdexception><!--[endif]--><!--> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";} </style> <!--[endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal">The call sounded urgent, “man, u gotta read this book…it’s a life changer”, the chick wailed over the phone after getting herself a copy of “The Secret”, a 2006 best selling “self help” book. I had written about it before, but this gave me fresh ideas.<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal">The book promotes some sort of “positive thinking” known as “The Law of Attraction”, what you think about will most likely be the actual outcome, according to the retards that wrote it.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I have since spent the last 3 or 4 days concentrating heavily on pictures of a 25 year old Tyra Banks….hey, am attracting the lass damn it, the Secret says so!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Matter of fact, after reading this book, am not even typing this stuff right now….i am just focusing on the keyboard, and I see stuff typing itself out!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">According to the Secret, germs don’t kill, it’s your never ending negative thoughts that degrade yo health! U know why you are poor, it’s the bad thoughts damn you! Don’t send money to starving kids in Somalia! They need some attitude changes around there! Someone should tell them to think positive.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The new reading culture is going to mess a lot of people up, especially the new magazines that chicks be snappin’ off book shelves.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Cosmopolitan and it’s sex advise, “75 ways to please him, then keep him”, is what the front page will say. Meanwhile, Oprah’s “O” magazine has yet a different set of “90 ways to make him yours forever”. You would think chick’s aren’t confused enough.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Because all these books sell real quick in UG, I suggest the following self help books be written right here;</p> <ul><li><span style="font-family:Symbol;"><span style="">·<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>The secret to a happy marriage – By Prince Barigye of Ankole</li></ul> <ul><li><span style="font-family:Symbol;"><span style="">·<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>Why forests are good for Mehta’s sugarcanes – By the cabinet</li></ul> <ul><li><span style="font-family:Symbol;"><span style="">·<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>How to win friends and influence people – By Tamale Mirundi</li></ul> <ul><li><span style="font-family:Symbol;"><span style="">·<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>Who moved my house keys? – By Gen Tinyefuza and Jennifer Musisi<br /></li></ul> <ul><li><span style="font-family:Symbol;"><span style="">·<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>How to avoid prison – By Jamwa, with foreword from NSSF board </li></ul> <ul><li><span style="font-family:Symbol;"><span style="">·<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>Print and Grow rich – By Nasser Sebbagala</li></ul> <ul><li><span style="font-family:Symbol;"><span style="">·<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>Awaken the Loser within – By Kizza Besigye</li></ul> <ul><li><span style="font-family:Symbol;"><span style="">·<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>The tear gas driven life – By Action for Change<br /></li></ul> <ul><li><span style="font-family:Symbol;"><span style="">·<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>Kitenge design in seconds – By Olara Otunnu</li></ul> <ul><li><span style="font-family:Symbol;"><span style="">·<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>How to buy this book and give me more money – By Pastor Kakande</li></ul> <ul><li><span style="font-family:Symbol;"><span style="">·<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>How to attract unnecessary attention and keep it – By Chameleon with Radio and Weasil</li></ul> <ul><li><span style="font-family:Symbol;"><span style="">·<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>How to remain forever a child: Ugandan Peter Pan – By Bebe Fool and Bobi Swine</li></ul> <ul><li><span style="font-family:Symbol;"><span style="">·<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>The Power of tomorrow, how to postpone shows – By Sean Kingston and Akon</li></ul> <ul><li><span style="font-family:Symbol;"><span style="">·<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>You are stupid…and an idiot – By Otafiire</li></ul> <ul><li><span style="font-family:Symbol;"><span style="">·<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>How to get a really cool accent while growing up in Ug – By the Sanyu FM morning crew </li></ul> <ul><li><span style="font-family:Symbol;"><span style="">·<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>Why goat racing is cooler than formula one – By Kampala’s elite association of posers, inc</li></ul> <ul><li><span style="font-family:Symbol;"><span style="">·<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>How to beat inflation – By the NRM election mobilisers.</li></ul> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in;">Now let’s see if these wont be best sellers.</p>Smith Obahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803956940215305802noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8409268608076390557.post-10166567261686258162011-08-23T17:31:00.003+03:002011-08-24T10:52:00.722+03:00Hey!! 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font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <!--[endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal">When the British left East Africa in 1962 after walk-to-work protests by Obote (Akena’s dad) and Kenyatta (Uhuru’s dad) turned violent, they promised they would be back, and they are, but they are disguised as a Ugandan company.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Etiquette Consultants is a fully fledged Ugandan company that was set up after it was noticed that many Ugandans were embarrassing their nation whenever they travelled overseas, or whenever they became rich and had no clue how to act rich, most especially ambassadors and as of recent Mayor Ssebagala. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Complete with a Business & Social etiquette coach, their first assignment last Friday was to send out invites to chaps to come and learn how to wine and dine like a real rich person of importance, never mind all this inflation that’s keeping us from buying dessert forks, this is how we actually behave in supermarkets.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“yo, supermarket attendant, how much is a fork?”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Sir, we sell the whole pack, it has the salad fork, then the dinner fork, then the dessert fork”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Bitch, I just want to eat my beans, just get me the middle one and let’s get this over with”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The etiquette theme was arranged under the moniker, “Miss Manners Uganda”, who cordially invited many company representatives, especially the un-civilized ones, seeing as mine was invited, to a “3 course dining etiquette experience” at Reedfield restaurant, yes, it exists.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Reedfield restaurant, like the name suggests, is not the kind of place you want to go to if your 3 course dinner consists of a rolex, then splash mango, then a tot of Bond 7. Nope, it’s the kind of place that makes you feel broke and lost. Located in Nakasero, it has the hallmarks of a British upper class household, well organized tables with a thousand napkins for every occasion;</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Sir, u seem sweaty, here’s the sweat napkin….no no no, not that one, that’s for placing on the laps during dinner, and please don’t do that, it should be folded in half after opening then gently placed on the lap, is there any other question I should answer before you mess up the place???”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The event was interactive, with the etiquette coach taking us villagers through lessons on manners, so one wonders what exactly the parents used to talk about when they said they taught us table manners. The most they did was say “don’t eat while standing, the food will go to your legs”, so what about the dessert fork mom??!! Why didn’t you tell us that stuffs??</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Meanwhile, if you don’t have that 50 thousand to learn table manners, no worries, al teach ya the most important rules, so when u get rich, u can thank me with a BMW X5 or something for saving you embarrassment, now peep this;</p> <p class="MsoNormal">If you are a chick and are into all that make up bollockery, do not attempt lip sticking yourself while at the table, I don’t know why, but bitch, just don’t play that! Go to the kitchen or something</p> <p class="MsoNormal">If you are the host of this bash, yo ass shall be the last to serve, you greedy punk you! Wait for the guests goddamit!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">When you are being served, receive the dishes from the left side, and calmly serve yourself and pass to the right side, even if it’s your mother-in-law on your right side, just do it.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Now don’t play wise ass when u are trying to eat your salads, there’s some physics to it. If the salad is served as the main entrée, use the dinner fork or the entrée fork, and please don’t ask what entrée means. Otherwise, use the salad fork, and please try and smile, this is serious bidnes!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">When using a finger bowl to clean yo manicured paws, place the finger bowl and the doily on the upper left side of the place setting after swimming the fingers through the bowl, this clears space for the dessert plate.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And by the way, in case u bring those little nut case kids mbu they are on holiday, they should stand behind their chairs until all adults including Moses Goloola are seated, and please set the dinner napkin to the left side of the setting after yo plates have been cleared from the table after eating.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">With all this stuff, I decided to stick to the rolex. The rules are simple, and few, just 3;</p> <p class="MsoNormal">1 – Get rolex from Sula, and u can keep standing the whole time.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">2 – Unwrap while eating and hailing that boda chap to take you home.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">3 – Throw used kaveera by the roadside, it may be yo left side, or right side, upper left side, or right in the road, we are poor and don’t give a rats ass.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Anyone still up for getting rich?</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> 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mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal">With the constant load shedding, it’s extremely hard to stay at home (and study the science of “how candles really work”) and also become the first human to calculate “the speed of dark” while at it, which shall soon be discovered in Uganda at this rate.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Going to the bars is no longer cool. Bar owners are sick of Pastors being the only business people driving around in brand new cars, so instead of feeling pity on us “patrons” (who the fuck calls someone a patron, what are we, old chaps?) they are also increasing prices like crazy. Recently UBL and Nile breweries increased their beer prices by 202/= (wonder how they came up with the 2/=) but bar owners shot up by 500/= (while “up market” posers increased by 1,000/=).</p> <p class="MsoNormal">They claim it’s because of DSTV and Generator fuel price hikes….i kinda believe them.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">So if we are going to spend money because there is no power, what better way to really spend it than go to the movies!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Because it’s an experiment, I had to go alone. You don’t want to go with someone to Cineplex on an experiment (of the VIP seats: for if you eat a frog, eat a bloody LARGE one damn it) and get embarrassed when u start unleashing 5 thou notes hoping they count to 60 g’s! Meanwhile, the ka ballistic brown brown is checking her bu nails waiting for the ticket, never to offer to “help”, so much for women emancipation!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Anywho, over to the counter to yell at the chick inside:</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>“VIP seat bicth!! How much shall my wallet part with??”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“It’s 30 thousand Sir”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Whoa…..does that come with fries??”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“No, but it comes with a free drink…oh, and a snack of your choice”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“You mean like a pizza?”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“No, erm, we have pop corn, crisps and some other snacks”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Now that’s something…..could you hold on a second while I call my date, I think al take the ordinary seats….2 please”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">So much trouble just to watch “Bridesmaids”, al experiment with the VIP when “Austin Powers: The Prequel” is ever made.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Now it’s late to wait for someone for the movie, but the large frog still has to be eaten. Off to Dolphin Suites for an elegant drink with Mike Mukula. He usually uses the gym there (even though he has his own) and I sit at the bar, so technically, we drink together…erm, at the same place.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The menu looks reasonable, 16 thou for food and 5 thou for a pint. Well, this is some VIP shit, the mind thinks. After 3 pints and food, the waiter brings a bill of 36,600/=. Simple mathematics had told me 3 pints is 15 g’s and food 16g’s, so that’s a cool 31 g’s. So waiter, what’s the BIG idea with yo bill, punk!!????</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The waiter then returns the menu, and directs me to the bottom of the page where the little words say “Prices Exclusive of VAT”.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal">Fuckers!!!</b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Luckily, Warid to Warid was still 5 shillings per second, help was on the way.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Next time, al just eat a bloody small frog!!</p> Smith Obahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803956940215305802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8409268608076390557.post-24278264270435898542011-08-11T14:21:00.000+03:002011-08-11T14:22:29.513+03:00UK: Hunter Hunted!!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> 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unhidewhenused="false" qformat="true" name="Book Title"> <w:lsdexception locked="false" priority="37" name="Bibliography"> <w:lsdexception locked="false" priority="39" qformat="true" name="TOC Heading"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal">The world has just become too funny!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Libya’s government, led by Muamar Ghadaffi, has just asked UK Premier David Cameron and his entire government to step down because they had “lost all legitimacy”.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Libya said, "Cameron and his government must leave after the popular uprising against them and the violent repression of peaceful demonstrators by police. Cameron and his government have lost all legitimacy. These riots show that the British people reject this government which is trying to impose itself through force. We call on the UN Security Council and the international community not to stay with it's arms crossed in the face of the flagrant violation of the rights of the British people."
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<br />In the meantime, Iran has urged Britain to show "restraint" in dealing with rioters. Foreign Ministry spokesman asked "the British government to prevent the use of violence by the police, and to engage in dialogue with the protestors and examine their demands in order to restore calm".
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<br />Zimbabwe President Mugabe urged Britain to first put out the fires in it's own house before trying to start fires in other people's houses. "Britain, I understand is on fire, especially London and we hope they can extinguish their fire, pay attention to their internal problems and to that fire which is now blazing all over, and leave us alone", Mugabe said. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">In the meantime, 3<sup>rd</sup> world dictator governments the world over have issued fresh travel advisories to their citizens intending to visit the UK. They have asked all their citizens to evacuate the country, which has been plunged in total chaos for the past 5 days, “only essential personnel in embassies may remain”, the advisory added, stopping short of saying, “that’s if we still have relations with UK and still have an embassy”.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The International Olympic Committee is also being asked, by these same chaps, to see if the 2012 Olympics may be moved to a country with no chaos, like Chad! Nations are advising their sportsmen not to go for the Olympics if they are to be held in chaotic London. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Foreign sportsmen, especially those in the premier league, are advised to evacuate their families and leave only essential staff like translators as they wait for the kick off. They are however advised to keep in touch with their embassies in case they too need immediate evacuation.
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<br />Now this is the New World Order.....coming on the heels of China telling the US to sort it's financial mess....or else!!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Sometimes it feels nice to be in the 3<sup>rd</sup> world, we welcome the UK to our lifestyle, as we wait for walk to work nonsense, and show them how rioters are handled!</p> Smith Obahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803956940215305802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8409268608076390557.post-18829968493124109672011-08-05T13:15:00.001+03:002011-08-05T13:15:35.320+03:00Get rich or try dying....<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:lidthemeasian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> 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</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal">The rate at which we want to get rich…real quick, is quite alarming. Kla has been attacked by a socially contagious disease known as network marketing, and the ring leader of this financial circus is a company named Quest Net, who come hot on the heels of Tianshe and GNLD, which sounds like a rapper’s name. These chaps can make you resign your job for this shit.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The first thing they shall be quick to tell you is that “this is not a scam”, and they shall send you to websites with “investors” penning glorious reviews about how their lives changed the day they were introduced to this “investment of a lifetime”.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The characters peddling these financial falsehoods have been trained….really well, to ensure they get dimes from you, and your friends, so if any chap calls and tells you the following, be wary;</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Hey buddy, are you sitting down? I hope you are, coz this will KNOCK YOU OUT! Are you tired of working for a boss? Do you hate it when you have to wait for a salary? Do you want to go for holiday ANYTIME and ANY PLACE you want? Are you tired of me asking all these obvious questions? If your answers are yes, Congratulations, you are a winner and I am here to help you!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">What am going to tell you has been kept a big secret by the richest men on the planet. Do you know how Donald Trump makes billions? 2 words….network marketing! </p> <p class="MsoNormal">All you need to do is bring in all your friends into our company, and the money we use for advertising shall be given to you. You’ll be a millionaire in 1 year tops. How long would it take you in your current job to be a millionaire?”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Most members of this scheme are corporate employees who are actually sick of their bosses and will hold on to anything to realize their dreams. One member who has been in this scheme and has been employed by a top corporate company was seen driving around in his new ML Mercedes….he claimed “it had nothing to do with his job as a procurement manager, and that the stationary actually got lost in transit, the benz was from selling bio discs”, and he has refused to resign his job for this new lucrative venture…..we don’t know why.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Another government official who joined this scam…..erm sori, scheme, was plotting to use these proceeds from this new found venture to build an arcade and name it “Mama Nantume Plaza”. He claims he will fully finance this plaza from proceeds from “network marketing”, and swears on his kid’s graves that he did not use the money signed for Aggreko that went missing! He has also refused to resign from that low paying job at the ministry, deciding to give less concentration on that money minting Tianshe herb!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">If you really want to make quick dimes however, forget this network nonsense, the only rich guys in it are the actors in their promotional videos, you could however get rich real quick by either selling cocaine, playing lotto games, betting on Uganda Cranes, becoming a politician in KCC, turning into a Ho-fessional at Speke road or simply join NSSF as the MD. These will however get you killed real quick either in prison or by suicide……but at least you tried!</p>Smith Obahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803956940215305802noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8409268608076390557.post-52427051156708821542011-07-26T18:54:00.000+03:002011-07-26T18:55:17.716+03:00The world's ending potponed<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:lidthemeasian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:lidthemecomplexscript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> <w:splitpgbreakandparamark/> 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mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal">Harold Camping is an old, wrinkled, one-testicled nut case that convinced us all that the world was going to end on May 20<sup>th</sup>, and he got some major fans too while at it, coz on the 18<sup>th</sup> May,<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>guys went over to chicks and had new pick up lines; “babe, remember when u said u could only have me if the world was ending??? Well, u have 2 days to go………bitch!! Now where and when???”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Just as we thought that it was a hoax by some crazy loon that was so old he knew he was going to die anyway, shit started happening.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Bin Laden got killed on May 3<sup>rd</sup>! This infidel-cleansing-self-appointed religious crusader had eluded the world for decades and had acquired Satan-like status, “too bad even for God to catch!” If Bin Laden can get killed, then this world is surely coming to an end.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Oprah’s show got killed: The chick said it’s her last season after 25 years on air. Now how shall we know what book to read? On whose couch shall Tom Cruise jump after getting a new chick? How will Obama win a re-election? How will WBS survive with it’s only remaining talk show, “Jam Agenda”? The world will just end!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The pope on twitter: After a lot of soul searching (and finding only child-boy molesters), the catholic church decided it was time to get hip, groove to the jive and have swag! They first opened a facebook page which was quickly filled with stray confessions from chaps that couldn’t get up for the 7am mass and requests for “penance” by some perverts! They then decided to go twitter on 29<sup>th</sup> June with the Pope Benedict XVI (no relation to the BMW X series) sending the first tweet, “<a href="https://twitter.com/news_va_en" title=""><span style="color:windowtext; text-decoration:none;text-underline:none">"<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">Dear Friends, I just launched News.va. Praised be our Lord Jesus Christ! With my prayers and blessings, Benedictus XVI</i>"</span></a>.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Are these the same guys that have still jammed that the world is round? For real? The world must be ending.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The US gets bankrupt: Ok not yet, but they shall be declared “bankrupt” on August 1<sup>st</sup> if they don’t meet their 1 trillion dollar debt, most to China. Now who is going to remove Ghaddafi from power? Who is going to lecture <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">Kagu</i> when he goes for a 5<sup>th</sup> term? Who is going to lecture Mugabe? Shall they still refuse his wife to shop there? They badly need dimes? This is it!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Chameleon gets another hit: For real? After 10 years of this shit? His new catch line is “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">me set the trend and de adaz fallo me</i>” <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">nga</i> it’s now a new same raga beat for 4 songs in a row! This world should end!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Another building collapses in Ntinda – that’s normal;</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Election loser Mbabali withdraws case against VP Sekandi yet he looke like he was set to win – denies taking 200 million shilling bribe” – that’s normal stuffs!</p>Smith Obahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803956940215305802noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8409268608076390557.post-44598359453829668672011-07-19T15:25:00.000+03:002011-07-19T15:27:13.152+03:00Yellow is back!!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:lidthemeasian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> 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</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal">Researchers at the Uganda Virus Research Institute are pissed! They have given the government 2 weeks to answer their demands or they go on strike!!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Nah……. That’s the news that everyone in Uganda would expect, seeing as it’s a new trend to strike – effects of boredom after the Premiership went on a break.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Anywho, the Virus researchers are angry with Wakiso district land board for issuing land titles to chaps for space around the Ziika forest in Kisubi. There’s a forest in Entebbe??</p> <p class="MsoNormal">In this forest dwells the dreaded “Aedes Africanus” mosquito, whose name sounds like a soul singing sister, and is solely responsible for the spread of yellow fever. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">NRM mobilisers were extremely happy with this news and run to their masters to report that there is actually a faster way to turn the population yellow, and it’s a simple mosquito! Their hopes were quickly dashed when the researchers swiftly added, “between 10% and 20% of people that get it will die, most likely before the next election”, and they quickly climbed down the sand castles they had built with their selfish egos hoping for a windfall of dimes from the national reserves.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The researchers say that this mosquito is used to pinting blood from forest monkeys, and sometimes from taxi conductors and boda boda riders, “it kinda comes across the same to me, I s’pose”, one “Aendes mosquitos” was over heard telling a researcher.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">With this data, the institute was quick to send a warning to the rest of the human beings to stop encroaching on this forest lest they fall dangerously ill, and miss all the political comedy action on NTV news! </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Vaccination slips for Yellow Fever are compulsory when going to many countries, especially South Africa. They used to go for 17,000 shillings but have now since been revised to 70,000 bucks on the black market, with the go-betweens blaming this rise on the sharp increase on prices of sugar! Now that the yellow fever is for real (thanks to those silly encroachers, and smelly taxi guys), getting this card is going to even increase in cost, due to the factors of demand and supply.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">In the meantime, government has promised to do nothing, blaming all this fracas on the opposition who scared away tourists with their walk to work antics leading to forest encroachment and hence giving the forest mosquitoes free and fresh blood to feast on. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p>Smith Obahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803956940215305802noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8409268608076390557.post-87483903819115244212011-07-14T16:05:00.001+03:002011-07-14T16:09:42.055+03:00Strikes......Strikes....Strikes!!!The latest fad in Ug these days is strikes, even students in freakin’ Bupadhengo SS in Kamuli yesterday were at it, and for the stupidest reasons brought forth thus far – vote rigging in favor of boarding students! What the hell is that??? On further questioning, they reluctantly confessed that the actual reason for the strike was that they were pissed off because Cesc Fabregas wanted to leave Arsenal and that the Government was doing nothing to intervene……plus they were being caned with thorns too, as a bonus reason for the strike, make it more legit!<br /><br />These little fuckers picked a leaf from their lumpen cousins at St Kaggwa School in Bushenyi whose school was closed last week due to a strike for the extremely flimsy reason that they were being fed on posho and beans, yet they wanted more rice! Where do these maggots come up with these strange reasons from? Do they know what we ate while still there? For 6 straight years? (Some of us Kabojja boys can add 7 years to the posho and beans eating tally!).<br /><br />Recently, students at some obscure school you don’t give a shit about located in Kabale went on a rampage destroying school sauce pans and vandalizing the kitchen stores for raw cassava and sweet potatoe tubes instead of learning the real use of a vernier calipers, for the silly reason that they wanted GTV because all soccer games had been moved away from DSTV, and the poor headmaster gave in, but on the day he procured the set, GTV closed, it’s management disappearing like Micheal Ezra’s dimes!<br /><br />Campus students are now looking like the civilized lot among all students, having not had a riot in the last 3 months! Congs fellas! Maybe we shall see more first class degree holders this next graduation, as we watch the grad process for 7 days!<br /><br />The students may not be wrong after all, seeing as everyone else is striking, starting with the Opposition groups who were super pissed they did not get a podium finish after the elections, missing out on holding that famous bible and swearing all sorts of promises they shall never keep! Like “ensuring service delivery by curbing corruption!” They walked to work and were tear gassed back to oblivion till they get more dimes!<br /><br />Traders felt that they were not getting enough attention, and closed their shops for 2 days, till some of them reached home and saw there were only Ground nuts instead of the usual meat in the main food bowl. They quickly re-opened before we knew weather they had actually been listened to or not. But it seems they didn’t, cause they have promised to shut down for a week if govt doesn’t do something in 2 weeks time. Looks like they are saving up for that protest this time round.<br /><br />Teachers seem to also be tired of their little lumpen students taking all the shine – as if they are not there! They have promised to lay down their tools, which consist of boxes upon boxes of chalk, in 2 weeks time, if their salaries are not doubled – and then some – from a paltry 200,000 to 460,000 or thereabouts, “our money cant afford firewood anymore, yet our former students are all buying cooking gas and staying in the Bugolobi flats”, one of them was overheard wailing to a government official! They have told them to wait for the next budget, or rather the next Government, if they cant be patient for one more year!<br /><br />Smelly taxi touts and their caveman uncivilized co-workers, the taxi drivers halted work for 1 day to demand answers from government! They had promised to do 2 days but the brokenness was for CHOGM and World Cup combined. They have since resumed their daily tasks of spreading nasty rotten-egg-like arm pit odor to sassily dressed corporate <em>bu-nankas</em> heading to work, by spreading their arms allover the taxi trying to collect that 1 k note from that charcoal vendor seated at the back! Hope their grievances were solved, because the Samona health and beauty division was given a contract to manufacture more low priced bathing soap this week!<br /><br />In the meantime, studies have shown that usually it’s broke people that protest, riot and cause mayhem to the rest of the unfairly advantaged world citizens with dimes, so in case you find yourself striking…….just know you may be broke!<br /><br />As for me, av been on strike (<strong><em>read broke</em></strong>!!!)Smith Obahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803956940215305802noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8409268608076390557.post-87191147041228364632011-03-06T13:03:00.005+03:002011-03-06T13:17:36.098+03:00Women 'n power!!!After the lousy opposition miserably and predictably lost the election, only one of them remained sane enough to accept that shit was really tight their sides and conceded defeat, and coincidentally, it was the only woman candidate, a one Beti Olive.<br /><br />She rode mainly on the <span style="font-style: italic;">federo</span> ticket, some shit we non-voters don’t give a rat’s behind about, and also on the female ticket, “it’s time for the women to have a chance to be on top”, she didn’t intend any pun!<br /><br />But critically looking at women in power, it just doesn’t seem like the right time. The few that have tried haven’t been that “motherly”, like Margeret Thatcher or almost “on top” Hillary Clinton with their dictatorial tendencies. Even in the damn Bible, chicks are wicked and prostitutional, u wonder what the authors were thinking, let’s examine these extinct bitches!<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Eve</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span><br /><br />According to the ki holy book, this bitch is single handedly responsible for us going thru bullshit times like elections and Buganda riots, coz the creator was so pissed by the actions of her “handsome baby”, not Winnie’s Besigye, but that “sucker for apples” Adam, that he has since sent all of us humans to “toil till the death and haha like NSSF’s Jamwa"!<br /><br />The book says that the snake convinced Eve to insist on a chow….i mean, an apple, and it’s her weakness that allowed for her to convince “baby face” Adam into sin, hence our current troubles, but you don’t believe that do ya?? Even my housegirl, if she really wanted, could give me that apple, that’s my weakness bible punk, leave Eve out of it!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Jezebel</span>:<br /><br />The biggest sex symbol of the ages till Madonna and Janet Jackson showed up! This chick was referred to as a pagan coz she <span style="font-style: italic;">insast</span> on believing in her own gods, and the rituals involved heavy chows that even the Shadow’s angels would shudder. She used this religion to have her political enemies killed (as if she couldn’t charge them with rape or treason) until she herself was disemboweled and fed to a pack of dogs. Nga the bible is violent!!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Bathsheba</span>:<br /><br />Solomon’s mom didn’t come into the picture after her ballistic son, but rather in a bizarre sexual story before Solomon, but av really hahad this book, it’s for PG 25!!<br /><br />It was a cool breezy ki afternoon, the day of the week unknown, when King David was strolling in his compound; his eyes then moved over to the fountain at the end of the compound, where a ballistic naked chick was taking a shower. He immediately called his Interior Minister to start tapping her phone, from where he was told she was the wife to one of the army commanders.<br /><br />He summoned the Chief of Defence and asked for the chick’s husband, a one Uriah, to be immediately deployed at the frontlines of Garamba, from where he was quickly and obviously killed, those machete boys were not fooling!<br /><br />In consolation, he brought her to his house and married the damn chick, and henceforth stopped her from showering at the fountain, lest some other king, probably the Kimeze chap of Kayunga, spots her ballisticness. But, the chick was preggers with Uriah’s kid, but by some magic, that kid got nipped in the bud, and sent to heaven before the 9 months prescribed time by David’s OBGYNs, so David proceeded and did the damn thing and out came Solomon as the “original first born”. Now that’s sex, intrigue, murder….....as if a ki-nigeria!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Delilah</span>:<br /><br />This one was described as a philistine prostitute from the start, probably picked up from the Speke Road of the philistine streets. Her intelligence brief, ordered by the torturous ISO garbage of the time was to seduce that Israelite strongman Samson with her ballistic brown-browness so he tells her his secret, just like the snake did to Eve. Nga men we have suffered with chicks!!<br /><br />That fucker went down, and told her the secret, the bitch hadn’t even asked for dimes!! What gives!!!<br /><br />With this little history about chicks, Beti Olive thus got 0.15% of the votes!!!Smith Obahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803956940215305802noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8409268608076390557.post-79702438841549372162011-02-20T10:43:00.000+03:002011-02-20T10:44:43.517+03:00Why he failed to vote!!Why Olara Otunnu failed to vote:<br /><br />10 - He got a wife on valentine’s day, it was more important to stay with her.<br /><br />9 – His lucky red shirt he used on valentine’s day was still dirty, he couldn’t come out.<br /><br />8 – Like many karimojong, he didn’t know it was voting day.<br /><br />7 – He thought it was NRM day.<br /><br />6 – He listened to ALL the candidates, and couldn’t think of who to vote for.<br /><br />5 – He failed to find Obote’s name on the ballot paper.<br /><br />4 – His name was on the Luweero register, he has instituted a truth commission.<br /><br />3 – He thought it was 1980 and Paolo Muwanga would automatically announce UPC as winners.<br /><br />2 – He woke up and realized Kigundu was still head of the EC!<br /><br />And the number 1 reason;<br /><br />1 – He came to his senses and said “Fuck it!!! Who am I kidding!!!”Smith Obahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803956940215305802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8409268608076390557.post-44159333513248861552011-02-17T14:52:00.004+03:002011-02-17T15:00:26.505+03:00Election Crap!!<span style="font-style: italic;"></span>Election crap is back again, a time to test our fears and face our rioters! Some of us are not on that shit, it'll be business as usual until that tear gas canister interupts our good living.<br /><br />In the meantime, I stumbled upon the "Ghetto Bible", a project some punks are trying to do so as "to get the kids to read the bible", whether it'll work is the wildest guess, but as a sample, they released the 10 commandments, just to see the public's reaction, and here they are;<br /><br />1. I beez God. Don' beez dissin me wit otha godz.<br /><br />2. Don' beez makin no hood ornaments like nothin in my crib, anythang upstayrs, orr anythang anywherz elz.<br /><br />3. Don' beez usin my name 'n a wack way - homey don' play dat.<br /><br />4. Y'all betta be keepin da sabbathh.<br /><br />5. Don' dis ya mama ... an if ya know whoz ya daddy beez, don' dis him neither.<br /><br />6. Don' cap ya bros.<br /><br />7. Don' cheat on ya babies' mama.<br /><br />8. Don' be liftin no goods.<br /><br />9. Don' be lyin an' snitchin on ya homies.<br /><br />10. Don' be eyein' ya homie's crib, ride, or nothin.<br /><br />I hope to read the rest of it someday, if there are no riots.<br /><br />Go thee forth and vote wisely, and cause chaos not!Smith Obahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803956940215305802noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8409268608076390557.post-58326590969419042912011-02-09T12:46:00.001+03:002011-02-09T12:47:57.887+03:00Random stuffs....It’s the season for bills, and implementing them. First was the king’s bill, which was implemented urgently like a vaccine for yellow fever, yellow being NRM! Then the bastards at KCC, tired of the little dimes sent for them to eat in the guise of fixing roads, have unlash a ki new bill that’s going to mesmerize the ordinary citizen.<br /><br />The trade / licensing instrument of 2009 is now in effect, and a booklet of like 20 pages is out, naming the amounts to be paid by various businesses, and trust these chaps, they have missed NO ONE.<br /><br />In order not to confuse chaps, they have Supermarket (large) and Supermarket (other), it’s up to you to figure. These bastards have also added on “circus show”, 60 thou a year, just in case “Akef circus” returns after Mubarak has been eventually toppled. (or maybe they want to fine those clowns at Amarula family for holding circuses disguised as comedy shows, and Pablo too)<br /><br />As for these biznesses, brace yourselves, u are being watched;<br /><br />“bread seller, tailor, wheelbarrow pusher (20k), saucepan repairer (30k), pocorn making machine (40k), stamp makers, website designing (wonder how they’ll find these ones in their homes and cars), pool table (60k), herbal/local medicine (100k), mineral dealers (including those that have been “recovered from muzungus” in an accident), bridal salon (180k), are these that many……….a list of 156 can’t be exhausted here.<br /><br />Speaking of “Akef Circus”, y’all rememba those clowns (they really are) in the early 90’s that came over from Cairo (and disrupted our show of “hands off my car” on UTV) and ended up crashing their makeshift roller coaster before fleeing down south? Well they remind one of Hosni Mubarak, that chap that is almost being toppled.<br /><br />Hosni, the 82 year old living mummy says he is so fed up of the presidency, but if he dares leave, there shall be widespread chaos in Egypt! But now, what can we call what is happening there right now? I never want to reach 82! Never to see clearly!<br /><br />Hosni has been calling on African leaders to find a solution on “how to really cling to power”, and these were some of the responses;<br /><br />Mugabe: “Fella, I was once your age and had the exact same situation, just look for the lead bugger and make him Executive VP”<br /><br />Kibaki: “Same here bro, it’s hard being old”<br /><br />Mandela: “Just quit!”<br /><br />Kaunda: “Listen to Nelson, there’s life out there for we living mummies”<br /><br />Kagu: “It depends…..are u a revolutionary?? No!!! Fella, am with Nelson on this one, Quit!”<br /><br />Mswati: “Man, just hand over to Hosni W. Mubarak Gamal, we still do that here!”<br /><br />Omar El Bashir: “Declare yourself “the last pharaoh bitch”<br /><br />Zuma: “u raped who??? Oh, that, sorry bro, never really been in that situation!”<br /><br />But if u also gave me 20 million every other election, just for just, I just may join politrix!!Smith Obahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803956940215305802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8409268608076390557.post-13639687185513909702011-01-30T14:55:00.002+03:002011-01-30T14:58:24.293+03:00M.B.A - Masters in Bullshit AdministrationIt was late 2009, and it was time for the New Year’s resolution, and the corporate chap had his list of “shit to do” by the end of 2010. One of the “shitty things to do” was “move out of the flats”, “attempt to buy a plot of land” and many other shitty things, but way high on the list was “get an MBA”. These guys graduate in numbers more than those Makerere under-grads, one of these days they may cause traffic jams too!<br /><br />But when they return to office, what the heck exactly do they add to our society? I know: Words!!<br /><br />MBA’s are just impractical chaps, they are not really a threat at the work place, but in case u want to know a chap with an MBA, don’t look out for the improved quality of work, listen to the bugger, and look out for following words in the conversation;<br /><br />Synergy, Going forward, Learning curve, Core business, Touch base, Game plan, Value added, Benchmark, Go the extra mile, The big picture, Movers and shakers, Trailblazers, Fast track, Empowerment, Win-win situation, Think outside the box, Fast track, Proactive and reactive, At the end of the day, Terms of reference, Mindset, Feedback, Let’s un-pack this, Client – focused, Put this to bed, Knock – on effect, Process improvement, Make a business case, Skill set, Downsize, Gap analysis……..<br /><br />The bu chaps on internship learn the hard way, they be like “damn, I want to be this guy”, but worry not, those are just words, as if a campaign.<br /><br />Another thing MBAs “bring on board” is e-mail etiquette, so if you are an intern, prepare for some shit;<br /><br />These days as u may or may not realize, an MBA must have a blackberry, that way, they can get email even when they are in the bar signing off credit, and way late in the night, helps “maximize time management and project synergies”, whatever that means, just sounds MBA-ish…there are emails called “stinkers”, these are polite ways to tell u how bullshit u are, for e.g;<br /><br />If the MBA is not happy with “your team’s” work, you will not get an email saying “u bullshit punks should join PPP and know u are doing nothing…”, but u’ll see something like “I’ll be happy to sit with you and your team and share my experience and expertise”. See, that didn’t hurt, MBA’s learn shit!<br /><br />MBA’s can even subtly assure their bosses, those punks still pursuing “a professional course”. They can tell the bugger he’s a complete fool without saying much, the email will just read “No point in rushing in where angels fear to tread”, only difference is they will not quote the original author, coz they don’t know much shit, just book smarts!<br /><br />As an intern / temp / fake boss with “professional qualification”, do not bother replying an MBA, it’s a much sweeter rebuttal as this will piss ‘em off, they still want to show their prowess. If you mess and reply, u will get something like “..if you bothered to read the previous mail, u will note that u clearly missed ……..” so don’t do it!<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">At the end of the day</span>, don’t stress yourself with these ego-tistic buggers, at least u are still on earth, no chance of u ever crushing down!! The laws of gravity always work!Smith Obahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803956940215305802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8409268608076390557.post-67132582983867328162011-01-27T13:28:00.004+03:002011-01-27T13:51:57.396+03:00Let's go green.......5 thou notes that is!!So u have suffered, thrown your sweat around and tears after a couple of riots and u have finally made it to the pinnacle of society, and now u are a “big person”, complete with a driver and bodyguard, and now u are suddenly expected to act super human….<br /><br />Stop wondering what am on, it’s the MP’s! Last week they (all 500 of ‘em, including those for disabilities) woke up to a normal politician’s day, campaign posters greeting them in their bathrooms while they brushed their teeth with local herbs from the nearest <span style="font-style: italic;">witch</span> to help the buggers win the next elections….they then dressed up in their polyester ties ( a favorite with MPs born before 1960) and walked to the bank to see how their bus loans were doing….<br /><br />“Mama mia santa maria!!!...” they all exclaimed as they saw their loans had drastically reduced to levels they had last seen while they were still honest and noble hard working citizens of the land! “How the hell did my loan reduce by 20 million??? I hope there is no computer error like Barclays did in 2008!!”<br /><br />“No Sir, the government has been kind enuff to credit your account….just for for the sake of just!”<br /><br />“What!!! Are u sure? But I am not NRM? Is this for the King’s bill?? Walaye am voting for it!!! Fuck principle, the only principle I care about right now is paying off the loan principle!!! It’s so on!!”<br /><br />Speaking of the King’s bill, I feel sorry for these chaps (gifted to lead by nature). If that guy ever messes up and grabs a hoe to show his “subjects” how to get outta that nagging pest “poverty”, he shall be charged with “promoting a certain bullshit party, they use a hoe right?”. These guys are not supposed to use lamps in their homes, despite the massive load shedding, “u’re now supporting that other lamp-wielding bugger, get an inverter bitch!!”<br /><br />The people to implement this bill have been “oiled” with 20 million, so what about??!!<br /><br />Speaking about “oiling”, the other day as I was just wasting time driving around looking for proggie, being a public holiday and all, I unlash my phone to make a quick plan for goat's meat, and this was in a deserted Naguru area near Kembabazi’s joint. Seconds later, a mobile patrol pick up came racing down the road, I was pretty sure some bank was being robbed right ahead!<br /><br />I slowed down and moved off the road so these “rescuers, sworn to protect and to serve the helpless” were on their way to “put out of action” these vices of society, the thugs! Instead of the punks driving straight ahead, the guys parked right in front of me, guns corked on the ready, I started thinking, “shit, maybe I robbed some stuf while I was drunk, this is it, my nightmare comes true, jail and shit…”<br /><br />Out comes the lead lumpen, pistol holstered on his rugged second hand belt straight from a stall that survived the fire in the Owino market…"Ello, u know why I’ve stopped u ello….u have commited a very serious crime ello…u were talking on the telephone”<br /><br />“Yeah yeah, how much is the fine?”<br /><br />“It’s not that simple ello, first, u are going to drive behind me to Jinja Road, I will then hand u over to the senior traffic department officer who will charge u with this very very serious offence, then u will go to court and I shall be the one to tell the judge about this criminal activity u are engaging in, but first, give me your name so I can <span style="font-style: italic;">jot</span> you down in this crime journal here…or, and more importantly, u can talk to me like a man!!!!”<br /><br />“Phewks, maybe I give u some fine then we forget about all this….like the 20 million for MP’s”<br /><br />“Sir, u are the kind of co-operative Ugandans we like to deal with ello…. Now we were going to go through a very long process ello….just give the kitu kidogo and we all forget about this!”<br /><br />“Here is a new crisp green 5 thou note!”<br /><br />“Thank you Sir, u know u could have caused a very nasty accident on this completely traffic-free road, talking on phone is a very serious crime, but since u have paid your fine, which i will ensure gets to the treasury ASAP, fare thee well and go multiply….sori, that’s from church, I am the choir master <span style="font-style: italic;">deya</span> ello… go thee well and enjoy the holiday!”<br /><br />“Laterz punk!!”<br /><br />And that was my contribution to our country’s un-enviable corruption index, shya, as if am the only one doing it!!! Remember, It begins with you…..or is it “it stops with you!!”, whatevs, corruption rules!!Smith Obahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803956940215305802noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8409268608076390557.post-69690467856058501662010-12-28T15:01:00.002+03:002010-12-28T15:04:39.018+03:00Minority Report - Happy Holidays!!“Minorities!!”, that’s the magic word these days. It’s getting hard for people to be white, it seems nature is finally giving them what they deserve (those colonialist bastards!). A black man right now in the UK or the US has a chance to get away with a lot of shit, he just has to say “you’re firing me coz am black!!” and that’s it, thousands of apologies will flow in and the job re-instated, with a ka higher perk.<br /><br />Women like Beti Kamya will slip in a ka “men have failed to rule this country, it’s our turn, vote for me…” just because women are treated as minorities, giving them 1.5 extra points to get government scholarships and all!<br /><br />But the guys that are taking this minority shit to another level are the jews! Any shit you say bad about these guys even has a name, “anti-Semitism”. These guys are so pissed off with Christians for hijacking the 25th of December and proclaiming “Merry Christmas” to all that care, they don’t want that shit anymore!<br /><br />They still believe that Jesus hasn’t even been born yet, and so first they first spread around “Merry X-mas” as an alternative but this shit didn’t really work coz X is for Christ, in Greek, or Chi, in their spelling. So Malcom would be Malcom-Christ, if he was in Greece!<br /><br />To totally erase any connection with the Christ on this ballistic day (no seeing the boss), they proposed, and efficiently implemented, “Happy Holidays!!” Nowadays kids don’t even know what the heck they be receiving gifts for! They just know that some big bearded (and still mostly white) man “drops” gifts through their chimneys, at least that’s what they think till they reach their Bugolobi flat and start trying to figure out “what the heck a chimney is?”, who has that shit in their homes??!!<br /><br />The chaps in Ivory Coast are not having “Happy Holidays” however, they are not the first, Kenyans didn’t have it happy after those damned elections of 07 either. The Ivorian loser/winner, a one Outtara called the French Prez to wish him “happy holidays” and as a polite goodbye, he tagged on a ka special request, “boss, can u ground Gbagbo’s private jet, it’s busy there putting fuel and ferrying his family for the “holidays”. The French Pres was like “Yes Sir, anything you want Mister President who is not sworn in, but still, a President!”<br /><br />Gbagbo, the man whose name hates associating with vowels, has since made more empty threats to throw out the French bastards, oh if only he were a minority of sorts!<br /><br />The Palestinians are having a totally hard time reclaiming their lost lands to Israel coz they are Arabs in a huge Arabian land. The minority Jews / Israelis have the back up of the guys that matter (friends of Wiki Leaks) and are killing chaps like grasshoppers on a stray November night on a Masaka street! If only the Palestinians had that magic “minority” voice!<br /><br />Being a minority has it’s downsides too. A chick can be raped and can’t revenge rape back, its just sad!<br /><br />A tribe can be wiped out (or try to be wiped out) coz they don’t have the numbers to defend they’ selves!<br /><br />A black man in Russia can be skinned alive, just becoz he looks that way, and has no backup.<br /><br />That Jesus boy had better show up before His message evaporates in the fumes of discarded “Holiday” gifts!<br /><br />Happy Holidays y’all!!Smith Obahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803956940215305802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8409268608076390557.post-73060824621895245432010-12-19T14:17:00.004+03:002010-12-19T14:28:02.310+03:00Coffee anyone??Coffee hangouts are springing up faster than barbershops slash video libraries these days! Ugandans are such a predictable bunch, or rather, investors in Uganda are such a predictable bunch, what with most being Chinese or Indian “foreign investors” and all!<br /><br />First we were hit by “takeaways” in the 90’s, everyone’s auntie had one, so we were spoilt for choice on where to get that free “chips and sausage”. Then video libraries crept in and garages were turned to libraries with a large poster of “Titanic” hanging on it’s door to inform the public of the amazing stuff going on in there. These later turned into salons after street hawkers “took the video service closer to the people” unlike what bullshit politicians promise to do and don’t deliver.<br /><br />But now, coffee is the shit, and it’s not cheap!<br /><br />After Ban Café’s success (and many corporate dates that turned to marriages later), Café Pap crept in and became the poser’s lounging club. The City Oil guys decided to open a similar stuff, “Javas” at their gas station, but went an entire notch higher when they opened a ballistic one at the Nakumatt building.<br /><br />Corporate posers were extremely thrilled with this innovation, and if any of them owes u dimes, just take a stroll there, they will definitely be there. Ban café not to be outdone, has also opened a similar café at the very same building, adjacent to Javas, so if you don’t find your debtor at one of them, cross to the other, they shall be posing from there.<br /><br />I happened to look for one of these debtors at these places but the experience taught me exactly why I shouldn’t hang at cafes, damn this shit is rocket science, no wonder only corporate chaps with their training in Dubai and Pretoria fit in.<br /><br />On entering these places, u will notice that the entire wall is a menu, and they have their own lingo, much like learning “programming” in IT or “financial analysis” in business. You know exactly what something is, but these punks just want to complicate matters. When u go to a bank for example and want to make a deposit, the silly teller will tell u to fill in a “CTV”. This statement will leave u more confused than the IPC figuring out who their mayoral candidate really is!<br /><br />On inquiry, the ka teller will tell you “CTV” is not a camera thingy, but a “Customer Transaction Voucher”, which we ordinary mortals call a “deposit slip”. Why the hell didn’t you just say that in the first place?? Wasting my time! Oh I get it, u have to pay for that training don’t ya? Show us u know shit! Its just a deposit slip bitch!! And it only asks for account number, name and amounts in the various denominations to fill in! Didn’t know I knew “denominations” now did ya??<br /><br />Anywho, these café buggers behave just like teller number 1 above, maybe they want to justify their huge prices, but u don’t just walk into a café mbu u have dimes, u must know the lingo!<br /><br />For example, they have some stuff called Espresso. No Maggie, this doesn’t mean coffee that is brewed extra fast. That only stops at the dry cleaners where u pay more dimes for “express-o” wash and dry. Espresso means coffee powder brewed under very extreme pressure, and its super strong, to addictive levels.<br /><br />The con doesn’t stop there, they will ask if u want the espresso as latte. Latte is the coffee plus milk. Wonder why the punks didn’t just ask “do u want milk or plain coffee?” but no, u gotta sound as expensive as that bill is going to be – shortly!<br /><br />The barista will then ask you…….oh sorry, forgot to mention that. The guy that comes to take your order, complete with a pen and writing pad (to look extra coolest) is called a barista. For calling him a “waiter” or “garcon” will simply increase your bill! Anywho, the “barista” will ask whether u want it as “frappucino”, another word that ends with “o”, looks like the nigerians are in charge of this one. Apparently that means “cold coffee”, as if the bastards just couldnt say that!<br /><br />“well-o, if u don’t mind-o, al have latte frappucino, I have de money-o, kinekee-oo”<br /><br />A sip of this shit will hit u with a high that’s 100 times better than weed, so I have been told! Never to know this weed stuff! Addicts to this shit are rich guys or corporate chaps with “entertainment” loans, be careful not to fall for this shit!<br /><br />And as I end this, here comes that punk with my dimes, logging off…..Smith Obahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803956940215305802noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8409268608076390557.post-71108108857387102192010-12-16T18:11:00.004+03:002010-12-16T18:35:19.249+03:00The International Circus Court!!Louise <span style="font-style: italic;">Mourihno</span> Ocampo has been the busiest African tormentor for like the last 5 years! The ICC, a court set up by some white chaps to disturb some black chaps (and some extremely broke eastern Europeans from countries that end with ….”ia”, Yugoslavia, Latvia, Georgia, Serbia…) is at it again. This guy is held in equal esteem as the WikLeaks founder Julian Assange, one wonders whether he is a hero or a zero, I also can’t tell!<br /><br />On the one hand, his actions will dissuade and strongly discourage the impunity of these so called African “un-touchables” that have been roaming our plains since independence, the corrupt buggers that ride in gas guzzlers from our bu little dimes! They un-fortunately still believe they are chiefs like those guys in Nigerian movies, "<span style="font-style: italic;">i wont my moni</span>...<span style="font-style: italic;">kineke-oooo</span>"<br /><br />On the other, it will piss us black power advocates that believe we can whip these corrupt individuals to some sensible reality without necessary running to “white daddy” to “report on them”! "<span style="font-style: italic;">hey u, minister of whatever, surrender that VX or your epitaph will read "whacked by natural causes, he surely and dearly won't be missed</span>!"<br /><br />Let’s see Mr Ocampo’s list of guests;<br /><br />Pierre Bemba – DRC mullah de la mullah and an almost winner of rebellion – promoted to Exec PM to stop war, then immediately reported to Ocampo.<br /><br />Charles Taylor – Conqueror of Naomi Campbell and chief inspirer of the movie “Blood Diamonds”. Tricked by Nigeria to flee to Cameron, disguised as a housegirl in a car boot, then reported to Ocampo who arretsed him like an immigrant running to Spain!<br /><br />Joseph Kony – Limb mutilator and head of the LRA, <span style="font-weight: bold;">L</span>ucifer’s <span style="font-weight: bold;">R</span>ag-tag <span style="font-weight: bold;">A</span>rmy, under protection from the next guy.<br /><br />Omar Bashir – Director of “The killing fields of Darfur” and sitting Prez of <span style="font-style: italic;">Sudan United</span> before the Jan referendum.<br /><br />Thomas Lubanga – Accused rapist and as if freedom fighter of Eastern DRC. Never heard of 'im<br /><br />Uhuru Kenyatta – Not on trial, but has been named. Can I have “brookside dairies” if you lose the case? Please?<br /><br />William Ruto – Of the maize scandal, and now of the violence scandal. There'd better be <span style="font-weight: bold;">corn</span> flakes at the hague!<br /><br />These silly ICC clowns! First off, the head of the Kenyan electoral commission who had no clue on how to do his job independently should have been suspect <span style="font-style: italic;">numero uno</span>! The Prez that swore himself in before allowing for court petitions, or even inviting neighbor Prezzos to attend, should answer a question or two. The guys that broke the railway and stopped the trains that bring in tusker malt to UBL and caused us untold soberness for 2 weeks, where are they? This is real ICC material!<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Lakini</span> on a polite note, the chaps that signed up African states to this ICC circus should be put on a suspects list and sent to trial. Even after all this bullshit of the war mongering Bemba and Charles Taylor, our brothers in the Ivory Coast are doing the exact same shit they should be fearing to do lest they go on trial too! So what’s the purpose? The US signed up for this ICC crap, then removed their signature 2 weeks after George Bush was sworn in, then he went on to wreck mayhem in the entire world, and instead of trying that little nut, they’ll settle for Uhuru, a guy that gave Ministers VW Passats to save dimes, no wonder they “reported on him”.<br /><br />As for the impending violence next year (after a certain presidential candidate announces his own version of results, as threatened – and which immature bugger does that, like they can pronounce their opponent the winner), we shall also wait for a list of suspects a year or 2 after the repercussions – like that will reverse any damage!!<br /><br />Let’s hope for the best!Smith Obahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803956940215305802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8409268608076390557.post-44605216301167857922010-12-15T13:16:00.002+03:002010-12-15T13:19:59.383+03:00Mis-inspirational quotes!!As the year comes to a close (and we get into the hippy ten’s), several chaps are going to lie to themselves that they are going to make resolutions, which shall inevitably be broken 2 weeks into the new year, yet another lie! Inspirational buggers like the author of many books which talk about many other books, a one Musolini, shall be racking up dimes as they speak at corporate farewell bashes for all ye employees at the end of year retreat.<br /><br />If I had this bugger’s job, I would go in there just to mess things up. After reminding you that dimes are not so important (except when it’s time to pay rent), I would unleash a powerpoint slide with the most mis-inspirational quotes to guide you into the new year, and al share them in a jiff, see that’s shorter than a jifyy! Here goes:<br /><br />“A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when it shines, and wants it back the minute it begins to rain” – Mark Twain.<br /><br />“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing” – Emo Phillips<br /><br />“A hard man is good to find” – Mae West<br /><br />“A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished! – Zsa Gabor<br /><br />“A man in the house is worth two in the street!” – Mae West<br /><br />“A man is only as old as the woman he feels.” – Graucho Max<br /><br />“A woman drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her” – W C Fields<br /><br />“Behind every successful man – is a huge bank account!” – Anonymous<br /><br />“Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days the statue!” – Dilbert<br /><br />“All things I really like are either immoral, illegal or fattening” – Alex Woolcott<br /><br />“Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed” – Winston Churchill<br /><br />“Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde<br /><br />“Don’t put off till tomorrow what you can avoid doing altogether.” – Anonymous<br /><br />“Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies” – Oliver Goldsmith<br /><br />“Women are absolutely equal, they just can’t quite lift as much.” – Lee Roth<br /><br />“The road to success is always under construction” – Anonymous<br /><br />“Dancing – the vertical expression of a horizontal desire” – Bernard Shaw<br /><br />“Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes” – Oscar Wilde<br /><br />“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.” – JFK<br /><br />“Giving up smoking is easy. I’ve done it hundreds of times” – Anonymous<br /><br />“He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot. But let not that fool ya, he really is an idiot!” – Max<br /><br />“He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches” – Bernard Shaw<br /><br />“I drink, therefore I am” – WC Fields<br /><br />“I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting” – Mark Twain<br /><br />“I love animals, they are tasty” – Anonymous<br /><br />“I love being married. Its so great to find that 1 special person u want to annoy the rest of yo life” – Rudner<br /><br />“I never drink water, fish fuck in it” – WC Fields<br /><br />“If at first u don’t succeed, try try again, then give up. There’s no sense being a damned fool about it” – WC Fields<br /><br />“If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.” – Brent<br /><br />“I’ve had a perfectly good evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Max<br /><br />“Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” – Rudner<br /><br />“Never take life too seriously. No one ever gets out alive anyway!” – Anonymous<br /><br />And that’s it!Smith Obahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803956940215305802noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8409268608076390557.post-26525911222813768272010-12-14T15:55:00.002+03:002010-12-14T16:00:28.443+03:00The new Christmas!!It’s upon us again, that dreaded Christmas and it’s feliz navidad crap! Sales managers at Uchumi and Nakumatt have never been happier, they are going to hit their monthly sales targets by the 15thDecember, thanks to their over-advertising (cramming entrances with red balloons)!<br /><br />You would be forgiven to think that these punks are the staunchest Christians ye ever met….i mean how happy can you be that Jesus is going to be born - - yet again? These buggers don’t want to hear jingle bells, all they care about is the ringing ka-ching sound coming out of their cash registers every time yet another Christmas tree has been yanked off it’s shelf!<br /><br />Just like their cousins at Hallmark that make a killing during Valentine’s (and father’s day, mother’s day, first born girl’s day….), supermarkets have hijacked the Christmas tradition from the Vatican, who have spent the most of the past 6 or so years defending their foot soldiers from boy-child molestation cases (just let the guys marry!) and letting their prized asset go to the capitalists.<br /><br />According to the <span style="font-style: italic;">Shoprites</span> and <span style="font-style: italic;">Nakumatts</span> of this world, Jesus Christ was born in a ballistic baby cot that came with an automatically fitted mosquito net that is discounted by 10% every time you purchase around 3 of them – so do that! He was surrounded by an array of balloons and party poppers that can easily be found on Isle 13, “party section”, purchase some preasee…sench u very many!<br /><br />His visitors took him cards, “Congratulations on getting a first born boy” which can be picked from an array of designs found at “Stationary Section”, 2 lefts from the "vegetable section", so pick one godamit! And don’t you dare forget that he was showered with gifts that can be found at the back counters…erm, that is at the till where the cashier sits, and some of them look like chocolates and shit…do it!<br /><br />Before you leave our store, no, this is not a shop you villager you, it’s a store bitch, but did you also know that on the 25th December, pilgrims, that’s you, engaged in a sport known as “shop till you drop?” Our assistants will gladly take you to our toy section where you shall buy whatever it is that the kids asked Santa to bring them this Christmas. Wrapping is free! Little bicycles that the kid will ride at age 2 and all the way to age 2 and a quarter are available, they come with a half-quarter year warranty, do this for Christmas, no, not Christ, but Christmas.<br /><br />At the end of the shopping, you shall be availed with a “members only” card that entitles you to a discount every time you purchase from our store, that’s right, STORE! A 10% discount from all sections on the ground floor and 20% on the first floor. Easter purchases will guarantee you a 30% discount, yes, we love Jesus that much!<br /><br />As for the profits, we shall just open another branch in the fast growing suburbs, we were thinking Ntinda or Namanve. The church shall take care of itself, they are not taxed anyways. We would however love to relay our great appreciation to them for boosting our sales at this time when we really need to expand and stuff, thank you church people!<br /><br />And thank you dear client, for shopping with our store, that’s right, our STORE!!Smith Obahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803956940215305802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8409268608076390557.post-60964447296663635862010-12-10T13:02:00.002+03:002010-12-10T13:07:15.233+03:00That dream job!!Some jobs are just too cool, how the hell do people get them? Watching documentary channels brings out stuff I never knew existed, and wish I could be, to hell with this nonsense of waking up at 7 am and wearing company ID’s…the real stuff reads like this: <br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Provocateur</span>;<br /><br />A punk who pisses people off, just for the heck of it! A notable chap is Larry Flynt, an American bugger that used to publish pornography and make it hard corer when chaps complained. He has been sued about 40 times for indecent exposures by his magazines and even made a best selling movie “the people vs Larry Flynt” about these court escapades. That beats accounting or marketing on any given day!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Analyst</span>;<br /><br />These come in many forms, and their sole job is to appear on television and discuss nonsense they think they bloody know. “Sports analysts”, some of whom name their kids after European club stadia and their soccer hero bastards talk so much nonsensical shit you wish you could have their jobs. The buggers start “analyzing” how the first half went, as if we didn’t watch the damn match ourselves “I think the manager made a terrible mistake making that substitute, he was controlling the midfield area all by himself….” and yet if things had gone the other way round, the “soccer pundit” would have been like “that decision to substitute that player was a very tactical move by the manager, this is what places him apart from the rest…” Bitch, any lumpen can say that! “Political” analysts don’t even deserve to waste ink / typing stuff, it’s not really ink on the keyboard now is it?<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Historian</span>;<br /><br />Just like their analyst brothers, these buggers are called in to give opinions on what has already happened. “Based on events of 1955, we are seeing a repeat of history…”, and so??<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Weather men</span>;<br /><br />And women: These guys stand in front of maps and PowerPoint presentations and start playing God! “Fellaz, looky here, there’s goin to be rain and thunderstorms, but in a few selected places, can’t really be sure which, but trust, someone’s getting wet today. In other parts as u can see these moving clouds, temperatures shall rise to about 25 degrees Celcius, that’s Celcius, not Farenheit, so go figure!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Political / Power Brokers</span>;<br /><br />These are the guys that support the ruling government. Their job is to sit at strategic offices and wait for foreigners looking for permits, land or Presidential favors. They “connect” you to the big guy for a “fee” then lay back and buy us pints and praise the ruling government. This class of chaps is responsible for the Global Corruption index that favors African governments.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Philanthropists</span>;<br /><br />No, not Micheal “bullshit” Ezra and his antics. Issuing bouncing cheques to charitable causes does not count. To get this job, one must be a real dime person with real estate and spare change in authentic dollars. This dime is strictly not for display to journalists in a hidden hotel but for actually giving out to real causes like malaria eradication and TB prevention. Wish I could have this.<br /><br />But in the meantime, away from the dream jobs, its back to the usual nonsense…………..yearly appraisal crap!!Smith Obahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803956940215305802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8409268608076390557.post-21353379691976092572010-12-08T12:36:00.001+03:002010-12-08T12:38:06.212+03:00Leak This!!Governments have surely ran out of creativity, their minds blinded by the next big deal….or election, they can’t think straight anymore. If anyone pisses ‘em off, charge the bastard with rape! Zuma faced the wrath of the Mbeki government when he was charged with rape, and so was Besigye a few years earlier, and so was Kobe Bryant, Mike Tyson and Tupac Shakur, wonder who those ones pissed off!<br /><br />The latest victim is the “hard nut to crack” Julian Assange of the WikiLeaks fame. He is being charged with taking a forceful “WikiLeak” on some 2 chicks in Sweden in around August this year. One of the chicks, like Mike Tyson before, actually offered him her apartment so he could live there while he was attending a media conference in Sweden, so they were actually roomies. The reported “WikiRape” happened 3 days before Assange moved out, so what gives??<br /><br />The other “WikiRape” was some chick that had almost 500 pictures of the man, as if he was a rock star. She attended the conference and sat at the front and made sure this guy saw her and took her out. So what about???<br /><br />What we have failed to understand however is why this guy did not leak to us through his WikiLeaks site that he was going to be arrested for rape…oh, I get it, he only leaks shit that has happened.<br /><br />His arrest however shall be met with mixed reactions….first, governments do not need to show all the stuff they do, some things are best left unsaid, it’s a rule that applies even to normal friendships, we talk behind our backs all the damn time, but as long as the other person doesn’t know, we live on, so why publish secret stuff? That’s irresponsibility, not media freedom.<br /><br />However, some bullshit taxpayers feel they have to know every damn thing that goes on, and are applauding Wikileaks, albeit the dangers it may wreck upon countries. These guys need to slow down.<br /><br />So what do the late night show hosts have to say about Mr Assange;<br /><br />"President Obama's pledge to have the most transparent administration in history has come true. Thanks to WikiLeaks." –Jay Leno<br /><br />"Iran began holding talks with the six world powers. Participants were the U.S., Russia, China, Britain, France and Julian Assange." - Conan O’Brien<br /><br />"WikiLeaks head Julian Assange says that if arrested, he will release secret documents, including information on UFOs. Arrest him, I want to see those documents." –Jimmy Kimmel<br /><br />“Obama’s administration has been marred by leaks….the BP oil leak, Wiki leaks….” – Anonymous<br /><br />“Federal workers have had their pay frozen for 2 years. The worst part is that they found out on WikiLeaks!” – Jay Leno<br /><br />Top 4 signs your neighbor is the WikiLeaks guy;<br /><br />4 – Name on mailbox reads “WikiLeaks Guy!”<br /><br />3 – He insists you speak directly into his necktie.<br /><br />2 – On re-cycling day, he puts out cans, bottles and classified documents!<br /><br />1 – When he gets drunk, he takes a “Wiki Leak on your porch!”<br /><br />After all is said and done, its hard what to make out of this guy!Smith Obahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803956940215305802noreply@blogger.com0