The call sounded urgent, “man, u gotta read this book…it’s a life changer”, the chick wailed over the phone after getting herself a copy of “The Secret”, a 2006 best selling “self help” book. I had written about it before, but this gave me fresh ideas.
The book promotes some sort of “positive thinking” known as “The Law of Attraction”, what you think about will most likely be the actual outcome, according to the retards that wrote it.
I have since spent the last 3 or 4 days concentrating heavily on pictures of a 25 year old Tyra Banks….hey, am attracting the lass damn it, the Secret says so!
Matter of fact, after reading this book, am not even typing this stuff right now….i am just focusing on the keyboard, and I see stuff typing itself out!
According to the Secret, germs don’t kill, it’s your never ending negative thoughts that degrade yo health! U know why you are poor, it’s the bad thoughts damn you! Don’t send money to starving kids in Somalia! They need some attitude changes around there! Someone should tell them to think positive.
The new reading culture is going to mess a lot of people up, especially the new magazines that chicks be snappin’ off book shelves.
Cosmopolitan and it’s sex advise, “75 ways to please him, then keep him”, is what the front page will say. Meanwhile, Oprah’s “O” magazine has yet a different set of “90 ways to make him yours forever”. You would think chick’s aren’t confused enough.
Because all these books sell real quick in UG, I suggest the following self help books be written right here;
- · The secret to a happy marriage – By Prince Barigye of Ankole
- · Why forests are good for Mehta’s sugarcanes – By the cabinet
- · How to win friends and influence people – By Tamale Mirundi
- · Who moved my house keys? – By Gen Tinyefuza and Jennifer Musisi
- · How to avoid prison – By Jamwa, with foreword from NSSF board
- · Print and Grow rich – By Nasser Sebbagala
- · Awaken the Loser within – By Kizza Besigye
- · The tear gas driven life – By Action for Change
- · Kitenge design in seconds – By Olara Otunnu
- · How to buy this book and give me more money – By Pastor Kakande
- · How to attract unnecessary attention and keep it – By Chameleon with Radio and Weasil
- · How to remain forever a child: Ugandan Peter Pan – By Bebe Fool and Bobi Swine
- · The Power of tomorrow, how to postpone shows – By Sean Kingston and Akon
- · You are stupid…and an idiot – By Otafiire
- · How to get a really cool accent while growing up in Ug – By the Sanyu FM morning crew
- · Why goat racing is cooler than formula one – By Kampala’s elite association of posers, inc
- · How to beat inflation – By the NRM election mobilisers.
Now let’s see if these wont be best sellers.
