Women emancipation!!

Chicks are truly the hardest to understand creatures, in the eyes of we chaps!! At least a cow will moooo very hard when she wants to be milked, a bitch aka female dog will bark all night as she calls all he dogs for a chow, right across the hill from where she has perched her horny self!! A woman however…..whooo!

This is the reason for this rant….sori chicks, but what the hell??

The NGO, going by some name like FOWODE, I think its Forum for Democratic Change for Chicks, but no, there’s no C in FOWODE! Anywho, they are Forum for Women Development! They have partnered with some senior chicks from the Uganda Law Society to amend the bill on marriage and divorce.

Apparently, these WEAK chicks spent like 2 or so weeks hidden away from their husbands and little campus boys at some resort kinda hotel in Entebbe to come up with the amended domestic relations bill, that was presented to parliament just here here 2 days ago! Among the amendments, these are the major striking ones;

1- Impotent men who marry should be criminalized! Lets review this crap;
If your bu guys cant swim to their intended targets, your sorry ass will be dragged to the nearest court of law, where u shall probably be facing Justice Faith Mwondha!! U shall be screaming like a little bitch as she sentences yo non-perfoming self for like 20 years in jail, where yo buttocks shall be subject to punishment by REAL men!!

2- A widow shall not be inherited! Le me cheee!
Apparently it has been practice for a man’s brother to inherit his wife upon his demise! See this only means that if Henry’s brother Harry was married to Halle Berry, Henry would drive a dagger into Harry, and viola, there he has a ballistic chick!

3- Bride price shall not be refunded upon divorce! Really??
In other words, those bu cows chaps have been claiming back after being flushed like a dead goldfish in a WC toilet shan’t be seen no more! What baffles the mind however is, chaps have been re-claiming their cows?? WEAK!!

Ok fine, those may have been as if important, but that shit of “a woman will refuse a chow and will not be subject to a beating”, or “she takes half the property after divorce” or “is entitled to a divorce on grounds of impotence on the part of the chap”, now why would anyone want to legalise the usual ways of life?

Us non-partisan chaps were busy chilling, having heard that a group of chicks were sitting at a resort bringing in some amendments to our laws, we thought they were going to do some heavy stuff about riots, we thought they were going to abolish kingdoms, we thought they were coming up with some shit about outsourcing and the fibre optic sea cable, but wapi!!!! It’s a chow!

Therefore next time u see a bunch of women gathered together after a riot, just know their conversation will be something like;

“Eh mama, they have killed Wasswa”

“My goodness, that means Kato is now yours? But bambi, he is choo ka cute!!”

“But when do u think the riots will end, becoz now I want to move in to Kato’s ASAP!”

“But I heard he is impotent…..eh, can u hear those bullets, it seems they are still rioting!”

“Ok I have a plan, when these riots end, we shall change the bill, so that impotent men can be divorced, or such that Kato doesn’t inherit me”

“But shouldn’t we wait for the president’s state of the nation address first?”

“Kyoka u ka girl, all those things don’t matter, its only what’s in the house that counts, let those men fight”

I now want to know what Caster Semenya thinks of all this!! This is the first person with a good idea of what both sides think!

Warrup GAD!!!!

We finally rejected the whole idea of the sabath, aka the 7^th day, Sunday, as a so called holy day, where we cross our hands across our chests, and sit in a building pretending to be all nice and stuff, and listen to that same ol boring chap chatter away gibber jabber!

Mass is supposed to be a cool experience, but chaps be collapsing due to exhaustion caused by boredom. Chaps be sitting up there at the high table, a.k.a alter, telling us how sinful we are. U are usually not supposed to even speak, lest the angels will remove all the remaining airtime on your phone! Just do what the priests tell you!

So here I was this Sunday flipping channels, like at say 4pm, then I come across NBS and they are streaming JCTV, no need really to explain the acronyms, and there is this boring white chap dressed all up in robes and bling he looked like royalty, coz this was a catholic arrangement. This chap was talking with so much confidence I was sure he had God on speed dial;

He was like, according to my sick head;

“God, whats up!! Wat it is wat it do dawg!!! Now look, I have some buggers here in my congregation, WEEEAAAAKKK chaps I tell ya! These chaps, I re-ya-lly don’t click their stuffs! This pumpkin Steven last week had anatha chick, and u can imagine after all those promises of sijui what you have put together no man can put asunder, but this bugger has just put things asunder, mbu he couldn’t resist urges from his house maid, wama God, what should I do to this punk?? Last time I gave him a punishment of saying 7 Hail Mary’s, but Jesus called and said Mary was pissed, mbu some chap kept praying to her, while she tried to take her nap! Kati get back to me as soon as u can, senk uman, what would I do without you!!”

Then ofcourse he added a ka quote from oba Timothy 1 verse who!

Believers in the religious faiths usually get pissed off with some of us that have broken ranks with their usual boring beliefs! Some of us crossed over to NRM, FDC and recently to the Buganda Kingdom also! I have been praying for dimes for like 7 years, then when I got some ka little amount, these iron bar chaps found me at the gate and took it all! Neva to even pray for it, they just woke up and that was it, picked up an iron bar and made dimes!

Now am praying for a crib at the Bugos flats on JCTV!

Of Kings and riots!!

The biggest riots witnessed in the Pearl happened like 3 weeks ago. We dot com kids who usually see these scenes directly off Al jazeera were caught unawares! Watching Tv that day, I was sure it was usual business in Gaza, what with the tanks chasing after stone throwing buggers!

On careful scrutiny, we were told mbu the king of buganda had been denied access to a certain area of his territory. He was sure he had marked his boundaries, but the government chaps wanted none of it! He first sent an advance team to check out the area and prepare for him katogo and stuff, so when he arrived he wouldn’t have to look for food and all.

However, his advance team was stopped at the bridge to the area, and the advance chap stepped out, “Am King Jeffy Joffa, King of Zermuda, am looking for my son Akim!” The police chaps were like “dude, we saw that movie, coming to America or something, do not fool us ello!!”

This chap, who by the way is like the prime minister, immediately rang back to inform his chaps “I think its time for plan B”. Armed with stones and patches of tarmac that were plucked off our pot holes, punks started the riots! Tyres were burnt, policemen attacked and shops looted! The tear gas chaps, who have been bored for the last 5 or so months were woken up from their slumber, “gentlemen, lets go gas these fools”, their commander ordered!

Indians were seen in supermarkets buying Heinz baked beans and John West Sardines as they headed for temporary shelter at police stations indefinitely! Some of us chaps used this chance as a public holiday, running for the nearest pint, seeing as the upcoming Idd was going to be on a Sunday! We were just wondering why chaps were being tear gassed yet they could be with us on a pint!

Of course the president was quick to organise a “state of the nation” address where he reminded us of his usual stuff, “we have fought many wrong elements before, and we shall win this one also, we shall not torereate these judases!”

Rioters continued!

The usual political opportunists came out to blame government as usual, reporters were asking;

“how can we stop this mess?”

Politician;

“it’s the NRM government to blame!”

Reporter;

“How can we avoid such a scenario in future?”

Politician;

“it’s the NRM government to blame!”

Reporter;

“is it safe for us to go home now?”

Politician;

“it’s the NRM government to blame!”

Why do we riot for these chaps!