Monday, September 29, 2008

Peace jokes with kony the mosquito

U know that naughty little creature, as small as freshly cut-off finger nails, but with the ability to kill the largest human, a guy like “The Big Show”, may have lifted all the metals in the world, but if he had beef with u, just send Anopheles the mosquito, then give it 5 days, tops!

So this little insect, the most irritating thing, well just after Capital FM’s same song programming, to ever hit our lives. See the thing is Anopheles doesn’t just sting u and leave u to sleep, he first comes over to your ear to announce his presence. We humans have done what was previously impossible, like send a man to the moon, elect an idiot as the US president, and even listen to Celine Dion songs for 15 straight years, but have still failed to figure out what mosquitos want when they come buzzing in our ears, despite the heavy risks of getting smacked right across our cheeks, splasing our blood back to our faces!

I personally think they be saying “alright look man, I am not of any use to u, Iam simply here to inform u that I shall be stinging u on many parts of yo body, just for just!! U will spend the day in office while i rest and await your return, with fresher juice!”

This irritation is met by a heavy bang, from something that sounds exactly like a palm hitting skin! Anopheles retreats, like Joseph Kony, and sends in his peace team to negotiate for the blood! This time, 3 of them are in your ear, u cover yourself with the blanket, to avoid all the noise, suspecting anopheles of bringing allies from Khartoum, from the rogue government of Sudan, u are now sure they just want to spread disease, and kill off all your kind, just like the blacks in south sudan, and our cousins in Darfur, who also had the same problem!

Joseph Anopheles now goes to the other pests in the area, we gave them a scientific name, rats. They have a Doha round of talks, where they agree to trade terms, and they will call their allies the janjaweed. The janjaweed are to run to the bedroom and enter the cupboards where they will make all sorts of irritating noise so that the human will wake up, that way, Anopheles will get his blood, and probably send his emissary “malaria virus Otti” to cut off the lips of any red blood cells that may be caught masquerading in the veins!

In return, anopheles will pay the janjaweed by not stinging him and sending several Otii’s to his blood system. Pests have a newer way of thinking, we originally thought that humans were evolving, what with the 100 meters record slashed by 10 points since Ben Johnson did his 9.79 on drugs, now we just do it on yams! But mosquitos are now cooperating with rats to kick us out!

So I set terms with Anopheles on a power sharing deal, I was to let out my foot, so he could go and feast on it, but leave my ears out of the deal, so in return I would get my peace.

Anopheles rejected that deal, he said even if Chissano called him several times and sent journalists to Garamba, he still wanted the ear. Apparently, this is in revenge for the pigs, due to the rising number of humans that have taken a keen interest in pig’s ears, Obua knows this best. Apparently, the rats had communicated to the pigs at their annual “four feet” meet. So next time u hear a mosquito buzzing in yo ear, just deploy the four fingers and SLAP!! Even if it means entering the Garamba forest, coz when the mosquito net manufacturers asked Deal or No Deal, Anopheles said “NO DEAL!!”

No comments:

Motivational Keynote Forgers

There’s a new fad in town, and no, it’s not the KCCA buses with those cool number plates, I need to get me one o’ those, they are like per...