Big Brother (that show with no sense of direction) eventually ended our misery in front of the tv’s fighting for the remotes with chicks (although Saborati has quickly intervened to keep chicks on the telly) is looking to be more entertaining on the outside of the house than the damn show itself was!
The eventual loser, a one Munya, who actually thought he could win (according to bullshit chicks that keep yappin’ this shit) was handed a 300,000 dollar prize by none other than his President Mugabe, the senile Prez! Apparently Mugabe said that Nigeria has way more viewers of MNET that the vote had to be rigged to give them the dimes (an assertion Morgan Changaa has welcomed, saying it actually happened to him a few years back).
The ka loser then immediately praised Mugabe as a young force to reckon with and pledged his behind to him in the coming errection……no, elections! “At 86, this ka guy has a ki ballistic vision (and hefty cheques too) and I shall be waiting for his call to hit the campaign trail, that’s if he hasn’t died by then”
In Kampala here here, the campaigns are also going on, however the punk that represented Uganda at the Big Brother thingy (what’s his name…errrrr, u don’t remember? Me neither) hasn’t even been consulted, coz we got better shit to do! Music producers however have been consulted to help Sevo arrange the beats for his ballistic chart topper (oba which charts?) Do want another rap??...
In his song, he is heard asking for a cane, probably to do a “kiboko squad” on these masquerading “presidential hopefuls”. That guy Kizza Besigye is not playing around, he has unlash campaign posters written on “Dr Kizza Besigye: President Of Uganda”……whatever that means!
But as the police were busy herding these presidential chaps and their flock in proper directions, the few they left behind in the field were tracking local gangsta turned movie star Mike Ezra, the man with 9 lives and 9 different arrest warrants. His Kaunda suit was grabbed, but this time it was in form of military fatigues. At this rate, Ugandan security chaps will hire carpenters to build a wardrobe for “fugitive’s clothes grabbed in near-escapes, featuring Joseph and Mike’s lingerie”.
And just like Kony’s guitar was arrested, Ezra had his rental agreement with the landlord of his Kololo house arrested and terminated. Now the ka chap has no house, although he keeps calling radio stations to assure them he has eluded the police…yet again. He is now turning out to be like one of those radio callers that keep calling Radio 1’s “Spectrum” with their views….like we give a shit!!
If it’s dime that you want, then threaten yo bosses and they will relent, like that Shrek look-alike soccer punk, Rooney. This chap paid prostitutes for a chow like they were Uhuru’s pilao, addictive shit. He then turned into a whore himself and asked for more dimes from the guys who were paying him, and threatened to move on to a client that was willing to pay way more dimes, for the same blow jobs!
They allowed!
Luckily for the Chilean miners, they were out of the underground before their 15 minutes of fame were over taken by this little greedy prostitutin' lumpen. The last miner reached the surface and almost went back, saying he had forgotten the lights on……and he hadn’t flushed the latrine! The rescuers were pissed that none of these buggers brought them even a ka piece of gold. The miner however who got the most out of this was not the chap that came out first, or last, but it was some guy whose wife was waiting for him….and 3 bu side chows. He has since been named “the Tiger Woods of mining!”
Ah what the heck, we are headed for campaign time, expect a ka dose of tear gas, and probably the closure of just 2 or 3 radio stations, wonder who Ezra will be calling now!!
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
To cheat on a powerful African Political Lumpen!!
News streamin’ in from the South is quite interesting, let’s only hope it’s not the usual British propaganda, but this time am sure it ain’t!
Robert Mugabe (that colossal archeological 85 year old fixture) has been devastated….not by his sister’s death (who was still young at 75), not by the latest grim economic figures recently released and definitely not by the fact that Morgan Changaa’ is going to break away from the unity govt when it’s “mandate” expires, but because his wife Grace, a high flying ki brown brown who is 44 years old (way far from menopause, unlike her fossil husband) has been cheatin’ on him (surprise surprise) with his best friend and personal banker, a one Gideon Gono.
Mugabe (that archeological character that should be buried in Old Vai Gorge with Zinjathropas’ remains since they were born together) was told of this affair by his sister who was on her death bed, heck, she had nothing to lose!
He quickly summoned his personal bodyguard whom he had assigned the duty of keeping this chick within his sights, and the news he gave Mugabe was more devastating than the losses he made in the rigged parliamentary elections of 2003!
The guard said he knew the shit was going on for like 2 years or so, but he feared to tell the big (and very old) boss Robert! He was summarily poisoned and buried without a post mortem, they said it was a severe case of Bugisu jiggers, poor fella!
The ballistic Grace, who shops her stuff from China and Bangkok after she was locked out of the Great UK and major shops in Paris and New York, hooked up with the real deal, a 50 year old Reserve Bank chief with a 47 bedroom house in a country with an estimated total of just 4,700 bedrooms! The rest are iron sheet structures held together by stones on the roofs. That way, the bodyguard had no idea which bedroom the screams were emanating from.
But re-ya-lly, am on Grace’s side on this one. This lumpen Mugabe had her as his ballistic secretary (u gotta have one as a powerful chap) in the mid-90’s. He landed for this chick harder than the kiboko squad’s ripples after that cane, and started an affair with her (she was already married, she is an affair kinda chick, she rolls like that) and kumbe all this time Mugabe’s popular wife Sally was battling kidney cancer.
As soon as Sally died in 1996 (his wish granted) he married the flamboyant-cheating-sassy lass Grace, to the chagrin of his comrades, who thought this was some kamanyiiro of the highest degree. His bu boys had swam well and they had sired 2 lousy bundles of pampers from this affair.
This chick has meanwhile had 2 other affairs since marrying the colossal failure Mugabe, one of the chaps died in a weird car accident (they said it run out of fuel – then killed him in anger) and the other got driven outta town like Okwir Rwaboni in 2002, never to return. The current chap is fearing for his life (and sexual organs he couldn’t control while at it) and is on the low low.
And just recently 1 month ago, the Justice Minister (married) of Swaziland ku-manyiraad the man of the moment King Mswati the virgin conqueror by having an affair with his 12th wife (out of a very miserly 13) a former ki ballistic Miss Teen who at 22 wanted more chows than the lumpen King was offering!
The Minister, a “childhood friend” (as if Kategaya) of the King, was put under surveillance after intelligence sources saw him on numerous occasions eyeing the ka young queen in suggestive ways (virgin eyes he had). She has since been put under house arrest pending trial.
The weirdest shit about all this is the sentences these two are likely to receive, kinda reminds ya of the MGM classic Ben Hur type movies...
If found guilty, the ka ballistic 22 year old will be banished from Swaziland, probably to the land of far far away, while the Justice Minister will be guillotined and his head fed to a bunch of hungry warthogs in the forests!! He will probably be taken there with a couple of chaps he brought to justice earlier, as the freakin Justice Minister.
So what do we learn from all this!
Money is bullshit! Ok, not totally, it helps lure the broad! But after that……..the chick needs way more than that dime shit!
So from now on, my goal is to be a close confidnt to a rich old tard with a taste for the sassy lasses that prowl our town, easy quick meal!! Shit, problem is I could get executed…or poisoned….or car crashed!!
The things we do for chicks!
Robert Mugabe (that colossal archeological 85 year old fixture) has been devastated….not by his sister’s death (who was still young at 75), not by the latest grim economic figures recently released and definitely not by the fact that Morgan Changaa’ is going to break away from the unity govt when it’s “mandate” expires, but because his wife Grace, a high flying ki brown brown who is 44 years old (way far from menopause, unlike her fossil husband) has been cheatin’ on him (surprise surprise) with his best friend and personal banker, a one Gideon Gono.
Mugabe (that archeological character that should be buried in Old Vai Gorge with Zinjathropas’ remains since they were born together) was told of this affair by his sister who was on her death bed, heck, she had nothing to lose!
He quickly summoned his personal bodyguard whom he had assigned the duty of keeping this chick within his sights, and the news he gave Mugabe was more devastating than the losses he made in the rigged parliamentary elections of 2003!
The guard said he knew the shit was going on for like 2 years or so, but he feared to tell the big (and very old) boss Robert! He was summarily poisoned and buried without a post mortem, they said it was a severe case of Bugisu jiggers, poor fella!
The ballistic Grace, who shops her stuff from China and Bangkok after she was locked out of the Great UK and major shops in Paris and New York, hooked up with the real deal, a 50 year old Reserve Bank chief with a 47 bedroom house in a country with an estimated total of just 4,700 bedrooms! The rest are iron sheet structures held together by stones on the roofs. That way, the bodyguard had no idea which bedroom the screams were emanating from.
But re-ya-lly, am on Grace’s side on this one. This lumpen Mugabe had her as his ballistic secretary (u gotta have one as a powerful chap) in the mid-90’s. He landed for this chick harder than the kiboko squad’s ripples after that cane, and started an affair with her (she was already married, she is an affair kinda chick, she rolls like that) and kumbe all this time Mugabe’s popular wife Sally was battling kidney cancer.
As soon as Sally died in 1996 (his wish granted) he married the flamboyant-cheating-sassy lass Grace, to the chagrin of his comrades, who thought this was some kamanyiiro of the highest degree. His bu boys had swam well and they had sired 2 lousy bundles of pampers from this affair.
This chick has meanwhile had 2 other affairs since marrying the colossal failure Mugabe, one of the chaps died in a weird car accident (they said it run out of fuel – then killed him in anger) and the other got driven outta town like Okwir Rwaboni in 2002, never to return. The current chap is fearing for his life (and sexual organs he couldn’t control while at it) and is on the low low.
And just recently 1 month ago, the Justice Minister (married) of Swaziland ku-manyiraad the man of the moment King Mswati the virgin conqueror by having an affair with his 12th wife (out of a very miserly 13) a former ki ballistic Miss Teen who at 22 wanted more chows than the lumpen King was offering!
The Minister, a “childhood friend” (as if Kategaya) of the King, was put under surveillance after intelligence sources saw him on numerous occasions eyeing the ka young queen in suggestive ways (virgin eyes he had). She has since been put under house arrest pending trial.
The weirdest shit about all this is the sentences these two are likely to receive, kinda reminds ya of the MGM classic Ben Hur type movies...
If found guilty, the ka ballistic 22 year old will be banished from Swaziland, probably to the land of far far away, while the Justice Minister will be guillotined and his head fed to a bunch of hungry warthogs in the forests!! He will probably be taken there with a couple of chaps he brought to justice earlier, as the freakin Justice Minister.
So what do we learn from all this!
Money is bullshit! Ok, not totally, it helps lure the broad! But after that……..the chick needs way more than that dime shit!
So from now on, my goal is to be a close confidnt to a rich old tard with a taste for the sassy lasses that prowl our town, easy quick meal!! Shit, problem is I could get executed…or poisoned….or car crashed!!
The things we do for chicks!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
When the aliens invade......
Isn’t it nice to be in a Low Developing Country? We think normal! Our biggest worries are hitting the bloody MDG’s, which of course we won’t, coz we shall be busy spending that money on our “leaders”, fuck poor people!
The United Nations, a conglomerate of beaurocratic idiots with no clear intentions, set 2 goals to the 2 different classes of people that inhabit earth.
To the poor people, the ever nagging MDG’s, which are like an ACCA exam we are bound to fail, but still enroll for class anyway. To the rich people, they came up with some organization, whose acronyms you don’t care to know coz it’s worthless anyway, to deal with “Outer Space”.
A Malaysian chick has been named to head this nonsensical venture, her top responsibility being “meeting the aliens when they show up and be like ”take me to your leader””. She will be the leader.
Who thinks up this shit?? Ban Ki Moon?? No wonder the fella is named “moon”, outer space material I tell ya.
So what’s the scenario.
A ki space ship lands (and obviously not in Africa, y’all seen the movies) and some soldiers are called in to surround the damn thing. The lead alien (who we assume is way brighter than we be) steps out of the space ship and mumbles some shit! For some strange reason, the sub-titles will show and the army guy will immediately know that this chap wants to see the leader…..for what? Who knows? Ask Moon! (in case it lands in Africa, the army guys will ask for a bribe to "connect" the alien / investor to State House)
Anywho, the army guy calls the UN and tells the chick “Bitch, finally some work you can actually do…..so much for all the salary you have been getting for no work done….your bitchy royal days are over, talk to this alien”
“Hi..is it Sir or Madam, this is the Leader of Earth, wanna come over for a cup of tea and a chat?, IT’S ALL WE DO AT THE UN”
You just have to wonder what else this “alien” will want apart from tea. Maybe take some people as slaves to work on their farms, and if this is the case, the Malaysian chick has been instructed by the “Security Council” to direct these aliens to “Darfur”. They were like “Fuck it, they are killing themselves anyway, offer them some real jobs out there”. The team has also been briefed that……
In case the aliens want chaps who never really grow old, they’ll throw in Mugabe and Kenneth Kaunda!
In case they want a Shaspearean guy who is all talk and no action – throw in Obama.
In case they need mercenaries’ who strictly fight for dimes (to hell with a cause) - the US military.
In case they need perpetually perennial losers – Besigye, Raila, all Kagame’s opponents, Arsenal….
In case they need conspiracy theorists to fool an entire planet – The Vatican and other religious heads.
In case they need suicide bombers who have given up hope on life – The FDC and IPC chaps.
In case they need socializing animals who blast all week – Face bookers.
In case they need very good liars – Politicians.
In case they need nagging annoying bullshit chicks – Viewers of Saborati, Eduardo, side mirror!!
In case they need crap - Send this blog (and KCC)!!
The United Nations, a conglomerate of beaurocratic idiots with no clear intentions, set 2 goals to the 2 different classes of people that inhabit earth.
To the poor people, the ever nagging MDG’s, which are like an ACCA exam we are bound to fail, but still enroll for class anyway. To the rich people, they came up with some organization, whose acronyms you don’t care to know coz it’s worthless anyway, to deal with “Outer Space”.
A Malaysian chick has been named to head this nonsensical venture, her top responsibility being “meeting the aliens when they show up and be like ”take me to your leader””. She will be the leader.
Who thinks up this shit?? Ban Ki Moon?? No wonder the fella is named “moon”, outer space material I tell ya.
So what’s the scenario.
A ki space ship lands (and obviously not in Africa, y’all seen the movies) and some soldiers are called in to surround the damn thing. The lead alien (who we assume is way brighter than we be) steps out of the space ship and mumbles some shit! For some strange reason, the sub-titles will show and the army guy will immediately know that this chap wants to see the leader…..for what? Who knows? Ask Moon! (in case it lands in Africa, the army guys will ask for a bribe to "connect" the alien / investor to State House)
Anywho, the army guy calls the UN and tells the chick “Bitch, finally some work you can actually do…..so much for all the salary you have been getting for no work done….your bitchy royal days are over, talk to this alien”
“Hi..is it Sir or Madam, this is the Leader of Earth, wanna come over for a cup of tea and a chat?, IT’S ALL WE DO AT THE UN”
You just have to wonder what else this “alien” will want apart from tea. Maybe take some people as slaves to work on their farms, and if this is the case, the Malaysian chick has been instructed by the “Security Council” to direct these aliens to “Darfur”. They were like “Fuck it, they are killing themselves anyway, offer them some real jobs out there”. The team has also been briefed that……
In case the aliens want chaps who never really grow old, they’ll throw in Mugabe and Kenneth Kaunda!
In case they want a Shaspearean guy who is all talk and no action – throw in Obama.
In case they need mercenaries’ who strictly fight for dimes (to hell with a cause) - the US military.
In case they need perpetually perennial losers – Besigye, Raila, all Kagame’s opponents, Arsenal….
In case they need conspiracy theorists to fool an entire planet – The Vatican and other religious heads.
In case they need suicide bombers who have given up hope on life – The FDC and IPC chaps.
In case they need socializing animals who blast all week – Face bookers.
In case they need very good liars – Politicians.
In case they need nagging annoying bullshit chicks – Viewers of Saborati, Eduardo, side mirror!!
In case they need crap - Send this blog (and KCC)!!
Patent this!!
Copyright, trademark, patent…….these are words that we have come to learn to live with as capitalism and the un-ending search of dimes dictates our lives today. Chaps want money so bad, they will do anything to have it for themselves.
Some bastards at a large pharmaceutical company have patented the rights to some malaria drugs, meaning NO ONE else is allowed to make ‘em. We silly Africans just send chaps to the UN to eat sausages instead of yelling out this shit! We are therefore buying drugs at super expensive prices yet we could make them here, but no, we do not have the “rights” to that invention.
The recent miners that were evacuated from the Chile underground world after 68 or so days brought this human greed to the fore! Among the chaps sent to prep them for their return to “earth” were psychologists meant to help them cope back into this weird life we live in. The MOST important thing they told the miners was that “do not narrate your ordeals to journalists, just hug yo family members and head straight to a waiting ambulance and disappear till further notice”.
Yep, you may also be wondering why you haven’t seen these chilling tales anywhere, and this is why…
The psychologists want the miners to make as much dime as possible (and give them a 30% commission on proceeds while at it) from the book and movie deals they (the miners) are going to scoop in the very near future, therefore telling their stories now will only be spoiling their “box office” weekend sales for this highly anticipated drama. You can imagine chaps almost died, but we humans don’t give a shit, we look for the money side of it. These underground clowns have been “patented”.
Just here here in Nairobi, the chaps at Safaricom, the largest mobile phone network have dragged their competitors Zain to court over “using their words”. Kumbe even words can be owned! Apparently, Safaricom’s slogan is “the better option” and Zain, whose creative marketing thinkers had their brains trapped underground for over 68 days and had no clue what to do, came up with their slogan, “the best option”, to the ire of Safaricom bosses who hate the un-innovative types. They went to court to prove this. But really, can you own words?
Geniuses in the Chinese manufacturing industry don’t waste bullshit time trying to please humans, they will steal words with impunity like they were an incumbent African government in an election! They will release a radio called “Pansoanic”, a flat iron named “Philibbs” and a laptop called “Delk”, now if that’s not innovation…..patent that!
Closer home, The New Vision newspaper stooped a bit low with their “new design” which was a complete imitation of “The mighty Pepper”, as they call themselves, and it seems they have been vindicated as mighty indeed. New Vision did an EXACT replica of it’s front page headline design by inserting a red word within the headline in bold which is exactly what the Pepper has been doing for like 5 years, looks like a case of “Philibbs” that needs a court intervention! (capitalism rules!!)
Ah what the heck, we are supposed to search for that dime anyway, patent or not!
Some bastards at a large pharmaceutical company have patented the rights to some malaria drugs, meaning NO ONE else is allowed to make ‘em. We silly Africans just send chaps to the UN to eat sausages instead of yelling out this shit! We are therefore buying drugs at super expensive prices yet we could make them here, but no, we do not have the “rights” to that invention.
The recent miners that were evacuated from the Chile underground world after 68 or so days brought this human greed to the fore! Among the chaps sent to prep them for their return to “earth” were psychologists meant to help them cope back into this weird life we live in. The MOST important thing they told the miners was that “do not narrate your ordeals to journalists, just hug yo family members and head straight to a waiting ambulance and disappear till further notice”.
Yep, you may also be wondering why you haven’t seen these chilling tales anywhere, and this is why…
The psychologists want the miners to make as much dime as possible (and give them a 30% commission on proceeds while at it) from the book and movie deals they (the miners) are going to scoop in the very near future, therefore telling their stories now will only be spoiling their “box office” weekend sales for this highly anticipated drama. You can imagine chaps almost died, but we humans don’t give a shit, we look for the money side of it. These underground clowns have been “patented”.
Just here here in Nairobi, the chaps at Safaricom, the largest mobile phone network have dragged their competitors Zain to court over “using their words”. Kumbe even words can be owned! Apparently, Safaricom’s slogan is “the better option” and Zain, whose creative marketing thinkers had their brains trapped underground for over 68 days and had no clue what to do, came up with their slogan, “the best option”, to the ire of Safaricom bosses who hate the un-innovative types. They went to court to prove this. But really, can you own words?
Geniuses in the Chinese manufacturing industry don’t waste bullshit time trying to please humans, they will steal words with impunity like they were an incumbent African government in an election! They will release a radio called “Pansoanic”, a flat iron named “Philibbs” and a laptop called “Delk”, now if that’s not innovation…..patent that!
Closer home, The New Vision newspaper stooped a bit low with their “new design” which was a complete imitation of “The mighty Pepper”, as they call themselves, and it seems they have been vindicated as mighty indeed. New Vision did an EXACT replica of it’s front page headline design by inserting a red word within the headline in bold which is exactly what the Pepper has been doing for like 5 years, looks like a case of “Philibbs” that needs a court intervention! (capitalism rules!!)
Ah what the heck, we are supposed to search for that dime anyway, patent or not!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
No title....I couldn't think of one!!
Bad times these are….1 post in October!! Let me check my bank balance to confirm that I have been “busy minting real dimes”, unlike bullshit Ezra, the man with more arrest warrants than his bank balance….yep, 50,000 is in! Time well used.
So what’s the deal….iyo, in this shanty dusty area of ours lately…
Dr Besigye’s sister, also a doctor, has decided that bullshit medicine has no dimes after all! Kumbe all this time she thought Besigye was a fool to abandon his ka clinic “The Surgery” among other professional businesses to join politics! “That’s where the dimes are bitch”, it seems he told her while she was touring his palatial residence off Gayaza Road. “Sis, this bathroom you see here, forget mike Mukula’s shit of a CD player, mine has a USB thingy where u just plug in the flash with a number, then the water will become the temperature of that number….hmmm, I should holla at the African Woman photographers!”
The chick abandoned her thesis, “Study on the real concoction that can kill mosquitoes and other parasites and eradicate child diseases” and quickly opted to write a book bashing the “fundamental change” guy, “mbu he fought to stop election rigging..”. As we would have it, we are now 1 doctor less, and this one was not even because of brain drain….oh wait, maybe her brain has been drained.
The brother (of the ballistic house) was in the Supreme court, but not because of the book. He was petitioning them to ask the bu guys at the high court to give him a break from this treason bullshit so he can campaign and move to a bigger house in Ebbs! They allowed.
The Gava chaps are however insisting that unless this guy stops wanting to move into that Ebbs house, they still have “evidence” to “pin” him, words that have become so cliché we are sick! Let the guy be godamit! (I could get arrested for this shit – cyber crime they call it)
In the Ministry of potholes, 50 kilometers of the Kabale - Kisoro “highway” was handed over to the government yesterday. There is still no idea as to where they had taken this road but yesterday it showed up, so they (the guys handing over) did the damn handing thingy.
The bastards at KCC have opened a war on residents and businesses. Our houses are being showered with warning letters from their agents “Bageine & Co” ati they are demanding property rates. These silly lumpens whose Head is putting it’s behind on Museveni have had their bank accounts frozen like sperm at Dr Ssali’s fertility clinic because the Mayor put his behind on the Town Clerk and she protested, so they could no longer see eye to eye. (behind to behind perhaps)
Since the town clerk signs off on all different cheques to be stolen by these officials, the Mayor asked court to block the bank accounts.The stranded lumpens at the Town Clerk’s office then embarked on a “drive” to raise dimes, and instead of calling Ezra for a few fake ones, they decided to raid homes and businesses collecting Local Service Tax and Property Rates. Any complaints about where the money was going since we are surrounded by pot holes were met with a copy of “Uganda’s Local Government Tax Laws handbook – not written by Besigye’s sister edition!!”
In the region of Busoga (yep, the chaps that have 2 Kings), a well-organised terrorist group infiltrated the area in swarms not known before to human kind. These bastards put al-shabaab to shame in their methodology and evasiveness even to the highly trained PGB and CDC forces from the Ministry of Health. The Al-Jiggers have been setting camp on people’s toes and fingers and wrecking mayhem on these broke chaps who can’t afford “safety pins” and Blue Star bar soap!
Their RDC (the most useless political appointees) was over-heard asking for a by-law to make personal hygiene compulsory. “Mr Speaker Sir, we ask you to make it a criminal act for people in Busoga if they don’t shower for 2 straight days…” the guy seemed to say.
Al-Shabbab members have been sent to study the methodologies of these body part terrorists since metal detectors are killing their business!
Well, that’s just about it from the ballistic land…..
now, back to increase on that 50k in the bank!
So what’s the deal….iyo, in this shanty dusty area of ours lately…
Dr Besigye’s sister, also a doctor, has decided that bullshit medicine has no dimes after all! Kumbe all this time she thought Besigye was a fool to abandon his ka clinic “The Surgery” among other professional businesses to join politics! “That’s where the dimes are bitch”, it seems he told her while she was touring his palatial residence off Gayaza Road. “Sis, this bathroom you see here, forget mike Mukula’s shit of a CD player, mine has a USB thingy where u just plug in the flash with a number, then the water will become the temperature of that number….hmmm, I should holla at the African Woman photographers!”
The chick abandoned her thesis, “Study on the real concoction that can kill mosquitoes and other parasites and eradicate child diseases” and quickly opted to write a book bashing the “fundamental change” guy, “mbu he fought to stop election rigging..”. As we would have it, we are now 1 doctor less, and this one was not even because of brain drain….oh wait, maybe her brain has been drained.
The brother (of the ballistic house) was in the Supreme court, but not because of the book. He was petitioning them to ask the bu guys at the high court to give him a break from this treason bullshit so he can campaign and move to a bigger house in Ebbs! They allowed.
The Gava chaps are however insisting that unless this guy stops wanting to move into that Ebbs house, they still have “evidence” to “pin” him, words that have become so cliché we are sick! Let the guy be godamit! (I could get arrested for this shit – cyber crime they call it)
In the Ministry of potholes, 50 kilometers of the Kabale - Kisoro “highway” was handed over to the government yesterday. There is still no idea as to where they had taken this road but yesterday it showed up, so they (the guys handing over) did the damn handing thingy.
The bastards at KCC have opened a war on residents and businesses. Our houses are being showered with warning letters from their agents “Bageine & Co” ati they are demanding property rates. These silly lumpens whose Head is putting it’s behind on Museveni have had their bank accounts frozen like sperm at Dr Ssali’s fertility clinic because the Mayor put his behind on the Town Clerk and she protested, so they could no longer see eye to eye. (behind to behind perhaps)
Since the town clerk signs off on all different cheques to be stolen by these officials, the Mayor asked court to block the bank accounts.The stranded lumpens at the Town Clerk’s office then embarked on a “drive” to raise dimes, and instead of calling Ezra for a few fake ones, they decided to raid homes and businesses collecting Local Service Tax and Property Rates. Any complaints about where the money was going since we are surrounded by pot holes were met with a copy of “Uganda’s Local Government Tax Laws handbook – not written by Besigye’s sister edition!!”
In the region of Busoga (yep, the chaps that have 2 Kings), a well-organised terrorist group infiltrated the area in swarms not known before to human kind. These bastards put al-shabaab to shame in their methodology and evasiveness even to the highly trained PGB and CDC forces from the Ministry of Health. The Al-Jiggers have been setting camp on people’s toes and fingers and wrecking mayhem on these broke chaps who can’t afford “safety pins” and Blue Star bar soap!
Their RDC (the most useless political appointees) was over-heard asking for a by-law to make personal hygiene compulsory. “Mr Speaker Sir, we ask you to make it a criminal act for people in Busoga if they don’t shower for 2 straight days…” the guy seemed to say.
Al-Shabbab members have been sent to study the methodologies of these body part terrorists since metal detectors are killing their business!
Well, that’s just about it from the ballistic land…..
now, back to increase on that 50k in the bank!
Monday, October 4, 2010
Campaign season is at hand!!
Campaign season is on, and everyone is tryin to get a piece of the action! If it’s not those forgery masters at Nkurumah road printing funny looking calendars with dates of 1995 or weird posters with funny slogans like “for development and peace” yet the ka idiot is standing for LC 2 councillor (what army? what peace?), it is advertisers; “as some of you know me, I am campaign for the post of chancellor….manya councilor, to change singsz…..senk u senk u, I will give u free air, from Zain”
Women, never cease to amaze! Yep, they too have demands coz its campaign season. They apparently have a “Women’s Forum” in Munyonyo in a coupla days, and as a pre cursor, hope that word is right, they make some noise to attract some attention to this gathering thingy! Their ring leader was over heard and also quoted in a newspaper saying “we want co-habiting legalized” Damn woman, that’s some heavy stuff!
Before the devil could say “Amen”, she cont-uned…continued! “Only married people are allowed to recover singz from their husbands when they divorce, or even when they die, what about the 80% of us who live with the ka man and he goes, we don’t get anysing!!! Wolololololooo zis is pure ssuggery of the highest order. Now that it is voting time, we shall only vote parties that advocate this agenda!”
Shit, now punks have to posture to these demands too! So all these bu campus chicks that be co-habiting in the Bugos flats, mbu now they want to take the flat screen after the shit has inevitably ended (which by a weird contrast is also 80% of the time!). The chick wants to take my slippers!! Maybe we should remove the 1.5 points they get to go to campus so they don’t start thinking too hard (chauvinist!! I know!!! Forgiveness preasse!!)
Anywho, the youth (also read unemployed ganja smokers and facebook addicts) are also clamouring a ministerial post from the next government! What a bunch! And their spokesman is a 38 year old lumpen that should be well into his 5th corporate job in a telecom company or bank (super sales executive, vending "packages")! Does this chap know who he represents? Real youth are now different, if you are to campaign to them, here is the stuff to do!
10. Refer to yoself as the Chillaxer-in-Chief
9. Limit speeches to 140 characters or less
8. Broadcast all addresses in 3D
7. Replace Geraldine Bitamazire with a hunky, brooding “twilight” vampire
6. Update yo facebook status every 3 minutes
5. Answer tough questions with "Whatevs"
4. Greet people with “’Sup y’all…..ya cool??”
3. Refer to yo abdominal muscles as "The Cabinet"
2. Check into rehab (Butabika will do), go to prison, check back into rehab, go back to prison, check back into rehab
1. Drink Sprite (oh, and eats loads of rolex...rolaz)!!
If only the campaigns were this cool, no one would be shifting “till the dust has settled”
‘Peace out y’all!!
Women, never cease to amaze! Yep, they too have demands coz its campaign season. They apparently have a “Women’s Forum” in Munyonyo in a coupla days, and as a pre cursor, hope that word is right, they make some noise to attract some attention to this gathering thingy! Their ring leader was over heard and also quoted in a newspaper saying “we want co-habiting legalized” Damn woman, that’s some heavy stuff!
Before the devil could say “Amen”, she cont-uned…continued! “Only married people are allowed to recover singz from their husbands when they divorce, or even when they die, what about the 80% of us who live with the ka man and he goes, we don’t get anysing!!! Wolololololooo zis is pure ssuggery of the highest order. Now that it is voting time, we shall only vote parties that advocate this agenda!”
Shit, now punks have to posture to these demands too! So all these bu campus chicks that be co-habiting in the Bugos flats, mbu now they want to take the flat screen after the shit has inevitably ended (which by a weird contrast is also 80% of the time!). The chick wants to take my slippers!! Maybe we should remove the 1.5 points they get to go to campus so they don’t start thinking too hard (chauvinist!! I know!!! Forgiveness preasse!!)
Anywho, the youth (also read unemployed ganja smokers and facebook addicts) are also clamouring a ministerial post from the next government! What a bunch! And their spokesman is a 38 year old lumpen that should be well into his 5th corporate job in a telecom company or bank (super sales executive, vending "packages")! Does this chap know who he represents? Real youth are now different, if you are to campaign to them, here is the stuff to do!
10. Refer to yoself as the Chillaxer-in-Chief
9. Limit speeches to 140 characters or less
8. Broadcast all addresses in 3D
7. Replace Geraldine Bitamazire with a hunky, brooding “twilight” vampire
6. Update yo facebook status every 3 minutes
5. Answer tough questions with "Whatevs"
4. Greet people with “’Sup y’all…..ya cool??”
3. Refer to yo abdominal muscles as "The Cabinet"
2. Check into rehab (Butabika will do), go to prison, check back into rehab, go back to prison, check back into rehab
1. Drink Sprite (oh, and eats loads of rolex...rolaz)!!
If only the campaigns were this cool, no one would be shifting “till the dust has settled”
‘Peace out y’all!!
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