It was late 2009, and it was time for the New Year’s resolution, and the corporate chap had his list of “shit to do” by the end of 2010. One of the “shitty things to do” was “move out of the flats”, “attempt to buy a plot of land” and many other shitty things, but way high on the list was “get an MBA”. These guys graduate in numbers more than those Makerere under-grads, one of these days they may cause traffic jams too!
But when they return to office, what the heck exactly do they add to our society? I know: Words!!
MBA’s are just impractical chaps, they are not really a threat at the work place, but in case u want to know a chap with an MBA, don’t look out for the improved quality of work, listen to the bugger, and look out for following words in the conversation;
Synergy, Going forward, Learning curve, Core business, Touch base, Game plan, Value added, Benchmark, Go the extra mile, The big picture, Movers and shakers, Trailblazers, Fast track, Empowerment, Win-win situation, Think outside the box, Fast track, Proactive and reactive, At the end of the day, Terms of reference, Mindset, Feedback, Let’s un-pack this, Client – focused, Put this to bed, Knock – on effect, Process improvement, Make a business case, Skill set, Downsize, Gap analysis……..
The bu chaps on internship learn the hard way, they be like “damn, I want to be this guy”, but worry not, those are just words, as if a campaign.
Another thing MBAs “bring on board” is e-mail etiquette, so if you are an intern, prepare for some shit;
These days as u may or may not realize, an MBA must have a blackberry, that way, they can get email even when they are in the bar signing off credit, and way late in the night, helps “maximize time management and project synergies”, whatever that means, just sounds MBA-ish…there are emails called “stinkers”, these are polite ways to tell u how bullshit u are, for e.g;
If the MBA is not happy with “your team’s” work, you will not get an email saying “u bullshit punks should join PPP and know u are doing nothing…”, but u’ll see something like “I’ll be happy to sit with you and your team and share my experience and expertise”. See, that didn’t hurt, MBA’s learn shit!
MBA’s can even subtly assure their bosses, those punks still pursuing “a professional course”. They can tell the bugger he’s a complete fool without saying much, the email will just read “No point in rushing in where angels fear to tread”, only difference is they will not quote the original author, coz they don’t know much shit, just book smarts!
As an intern / temp / fake boss with “professional qualification”, do not bother replying an MBA, it’s a much sweeter rebuttal as this will piss ‘em off, they still want to show their prowess. If you mess and reply, u will get something like “..if you bothered to read the previous mail, u will note that u clearly missed ……..” so don’t do it!
At the end of the day, don’t stress yourself with these ego-tistic buggers, at least u are still on earth, no chance of u ever crushing down!! The laws of gravity always work!
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