Cool Colonialism!!

The world is round – definitely true, the church people can smother themselves on this one, they were wrong to reject those “scientific facts”.

I don’t even have to go Galileo on this one, coz hairstyles do come back, huge shades and bags made a comeback, and yep, colonialism too, it’s back big time, but I don’t think you know this!

Well, it’s not like there are white uniformed chaps out there whipping blacks to submission, but this colonialism has hit us through our tv screens! We are being intoxicated (and am sure as hell not complaining) by tv shows, we have even started speaking like a true colonial character in the modern times, so if you ever catch yourself saying some things, just know that Kwame Nkurumah and Patrice Lumumba will bitch slap you when you eventually meet, coz this is the shit that people here in Ug have resorted to;

When asking for directions:

“Erm, drive about 2 miles after the Ntinda trading center, you will find a bunch of cabs after a Shell gas station, take a left and drive about 3 or 4 blocks down that lane then u’ll see my apartments, holla at yo bwoy when u get there!!”

In real African stuff, this is how we used to say….before the movies!

“kati now, u will drive up to Ntinda, then u will continue driving doooooowwwwwn until u find a stage for special hires at a big mango tree, branch left from there then u will pass about 3 or 4 houses and then u will find as if a ka flat with a green gate….that’s my gwa!”

These days however, here is how we do it…after a couple of series and movies:

When u go to Mulago:

“Man, ad like to see House……or Dr Cox!”

When a police man “pulls you over”

“Officer, I was only doing 80 miles an hour, you popo’s make us sick!!”

When at a petrol station:

“How much does your gas station sell a gallon?”

When sending the housemaid for slippers from the kafunda shop:

“Go down to the store and get me some rubber push-ins!”

When ordering takeaway at Chillies:

“Do you cats have fries?”

When going to the village:

“Man am going to the country to see my old folks!”

When going to the salon / barber shop:

“off to the hair dressers”

When before an England soccer game, you can sing their entire anthem, and can't pass the line of "Oh Uganda......." in ours.

When your ringtone is the Liverpool anthem.

When you say "you are playing at home at Stanford Bridge"

That’s just the few av encountered, we’ll pray to God the whites don’t actually physically come back, although all indicators point to the fact that we may want them back, if our lingo is anything to go by.