They say oil is a curse, am beginning to believe so. It brought the word “rig” to Ug, like a socially transmitted disease!
Chaps from Heritage Oil started “rigging” oil wells some time back, before scampering like rioters being showered by tear gas at the Kiseka market, but only after Tullow agreed to part with major dimes to let them continue the “rigging”.Before we knew it, the word was transmitted (not sexually) to the NRM primaries, and has stuck to every vote being done in this country like a cheap suit from that tailor at the verandah of Musana Plaza!
Some guys were winners on one day, declared losers the next and then as if winners the next, we were as confused as the Uganda Police wondering whether 5 or more people need a permit to gather around or not. However, we decided to start looking for a vaccine for this dangerous disease when it creeped into social circles that need a vote from a panel of Judges, the Miss Uganda contest!
This farce that took place over the weekend was typical of an NRM primary, chaps still have no idea who the heck the winner is! So here is what happened! Sylvia Awori, the former organizer threw in the towel for organizing this contest, probably after realizing it had no real effect on her fashion business, just like how the US abandoned Somalia in 1992, “there was no oil bitch!!”
She handed this stuff to some chick named “Church”, so one would imagine a contest of angelic proportions, but not in this Church (pun definitely intended). This Church first organized this contest last year, in which the Miss Uganda UK was flown in to give her acceptance speech, what’s that shit of strutting yo stuff yet the organizer knows you are the shit! We forgave her!
This weekend, the Church chick organized yet another debacle, and she called it “Miss Uganda”, again. She organized “boot camp” where these chicks were trained on how to be ballistic, how to impress the judges and many other funny funny things only Red Pepper is aware of. The organizers even got Judges who would rate these chicks and pronounce a winner.
They did!!
So as the judges sat back, chilling and sipping pints and congratulating themselves on a job well done, they eagerly sat back to see their results come to fruition! It was never to be! Like the Kenyan elections of 2007, the wrong winner was announced, the Electral Commision of the Miss Uganda contest then quickly called in the winners to “State House” and assembled a panel of journalists to cover the event “Live on NTV” before any lumpens could come up with any objections, she was announced and that was that!
The furious Judges then demanded answers “why have we been wasting time here? Okay we enjoyed the red wine and bounty-full samosas but this is bullshit!! The wrong Raila won!! There were stuffed ballot papers, we were only 3 judges but the results are from about 7 people”
The Admission!
The Church chick then allowed, “It’s true the votes were from more people than the electorate…sori, the Judges. You see, we take these chicks to boot camp, and we start rigging the election from there, we know who will win, so we just call in judges to make this comedy look a little more authentic, shya, even NRM does it!! Everybody is doing it!!”
Man, at this rate, we might just begin to believe the conspiracy theories that these “Harriers from Pepsi” have already been paid for by the “eventual winners”, mbu they just use a “teacher from Moroto”, pay the ka lumpen 20k, then give the log book to the real owner!! Ever seen a Kampala chap, corporate chap win this shit?? Don’t they drink the most? Rigging bastards!!
No comments:
Post a Comment