This is probably going to be the WORST music year or Ugandan chaps, Bebe Fool got shot, and we are going to have 39 songs about it, and that is just from Bebe Fool himself! One song will be about the President and the IGP visiting him, just confirming how fuckin big he (or rather his ego) is.
The second song will be something like;
Tupac was shot, for a reason;
50 cent was shot, for a reason;
Bebe Cool was shot, for a reason;
Marvin Gaye was shot, for a reason…..and blah blah blah.
The fact that he gets to be thought about, right here on this excuse of some writings, then maybe, just maybe, the fucker maybe a big is big afterall!
On to more important matters….of national proportions;
I have been labouring to explain to punks how to infiltrate
To be Ugandan, several ways of life must be adhered to;
- Credit:
“Hello Mr shopkeeper sir, I want to buy credit”
“Sorry ma’am, we only sell in cash”
“No no, u don’t get it, I need credit for my phone”
“Madam, our phones are only sold in cash”
“But I have cash, I just need credit for loading on the phone!!!”
“Ooooh that, sorry madam, here is your credit”
Citibank employees, who were recently shut down due to “credit crunch” always get heart attacks whenever they hear the word credit, that’s exactly why they call it airtime!
- Branch off:
While giving directions, this word is tres important. Unlike the whites that be like “erm, move 20 miles down to elm street, take the first right and move 2 blocks down, u’ll see the mart…..thank you bub!”
In ug : “Now, you are going to waaaaallllllkkkkk until you find a big mango tree, then move on just a little bit till u find a junction, then branch off to the right, then the first house with a grey gate…..it’s not the one, but u will see a ka small tree opposite, then that house behind it, is the one!”
- Line:
“Hello shopkeeper, I want a Zain line, how much is it?
“Now, u want a line to hang the clothes?”
“No, I want one with the same number as my
“Ooohhh, a sim card, ok, that’s srii souzand, senchu preasse”
- Traffic jam:
While in a traffic jam, look around, there’s always a man and a woman in a car. If woman is reading newspapers and man looking impatiently at the traffic lights / police directing cars, MARRIED PUNKS!!! If the chick is talking endlessly to a silent oldish man, MARRIED WITH CAMPUS CHICK, if both man and woman are in conversation – DATING, FOR LIKE 2 WEEKS, if woman is talking and man not – MAN HAS BEEN CAUGHT CHEATING, she is asking about the sms’ from that wench Hilda, and who the fuck is Hilda?!.
- Function:
When a couple enters a bar or social area like a wedding venue, the guy will be 4 steps ahead of his chick – MARRIED, if they walk hand in hand – ENGAGED, if man walks in, then chick falls in 20 minutes later – SIDE CHICK.
- Dreadlocks
He is a DJ in real life, spinning keyboards while arranging tracks on PC DJ and pretend to be changing CD’s, kumbe the program is doing the magic, and he’ll probably tell you “wat a gwan star” whenever you meet, just hold up yo fist and reply “big tings a gwan pon di plyess man” and he will be yo friend!
There are 2 of these, so if you have just landed from
“Yo, where u at?”
“
“I know we are in
“
He meant
- Speeches
The phrase “at this juncture” HAS to be used, something like;
“Mr Speaker Sir, at this juncture, I would like to introduce the minutes of the last meeting”
- It’s happening
“Yo, let’s go to Mateos, today, it’s happening!”
“What’s happening? is there a beer riot or wat?”
“No, it’s happening!”
“What’s happening?”
“Mateos u bitch!!”
And that’s just about it, from my desk!
Out!
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