With the constant load shedding, it’s extremely hard to stay at home (and study the science of “how candles really work”) and also become the first human to calculate “the speed of dark” while at it, which shall soon be discovered in Uganda at this rate.
Going to the bars is no longer cool. Bar owners are sick of Pastors being the only business people driving around in brand new cars, so instead of feeling pity on us “patrons” (who the fuck calls someone a patron, what are we, old chaps?) they are also increasing prices like crazy. Recently UBL and Nile breweries increased their beer prices by 202/= (wonder how they came up with the 2/=) but bar owners shot up by 500/= (while “up market” posers increased by 1,000/=).
They claim it’s because of DSTV and Generator fuel price hikes….i kinda believe them.
So if we are going to spend money because there is no power, what better way to really spend it than go to the movies!
Because it’s an experiment, I had to go alone. You don’t want to go with someone to Cineplex on an experiment (of the VIP seats: for if you eat a frog, eat a bloody LARGE one damn it) and get embarrassed when u start unleashing 5 thou notes hoping they count to 60 g’s! Meanwhile, the ka ballistic brown brown is checking her bu nails waiting for the ticket, never to offer to “help”, so much for women emancipation!
Anywho, over to the counter to yell at the chick inside:
“VIP seat bicth!! How much shall my wallet part with??”
“It’s 30 thousand Sir”
“Whoa…..does that come with fries??”
“No, but it comes with a free drink…oh, and a snack of your choice”
“You mean like a pizza?”
“No, erm, we have pop corn, crisps and some other snacks”
“Now that’s something…..could you hold on a second while I call my date, I think al take the ordinary seats….2 please”
So much trouble just to watch “Bridesmaids”, al experiment with the VIP when “Austin Powers: The Prequel” is ever made.
Now it’s late to wait for someone for the movie, but the large frog still has to be eaten. Off to Dolphin Suites for an elegant drink with Mike Mukula. He usually uses the gym there (even though he has his own) and I sit at the bar, so technically, we drink together…erm, at the same place.
The menu looks reasonable, 16 thou for food and 5 thou for a pint. Well, this is some VIP shit, the mind thinks. After 3 pints and food, the waiter brings a bill of 36,600/=. Simple mathematics had told me 3 pints is 15 g’s and food 16g’s, so that’s a cool 31 g’s. So waiter, what’s the BIG idea with yo bill, punk!!????
The waiter then returns the menu, and directs me to the bottom of the page where the little words say “Prices Exclusive of VAT”. Fuckers!!!
Luckily, Warid to Warid was still 5 shillings per second, help was on the way.
Next time, al just eat a bloody small frog!!
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