When Warid brought in Dual Sims, it ushered into the world the theory of splitting into many parts in the area of technology. However, this theory has been happening right under our noses in the general sphere of life, starting with the 1884 Berlin partitioning of Africa agreement where Africa was sliced up like a Dominoes pizza and different pieces offered to the European children on their birthdays, except for Ethiopia and the Mighty Jah Ras Tafari who fought the Italian mafias back to Sicily.
Uganda had 38 districts in 1994, coz we used to name each of them while in school, and Rwanda was jokingly called Uganda’s 39th district during that time Uganda’s army helped them take over. A couple of dead rats eaten and other bizarre antics later, we now have almost 180.
Our brothers in the muslim fraternity not wanting to miss out on this new partitioning trend voted a new “rival” mufti so they could have 2 factions. Of late, even the one that had remained as the official Mufti got sacked and the Deputy asked to replace him – they are still waiting.
The Kingdom of Busoga, whose hereditorial stunts are as hard to understand as the jiggers that have invaded their kingdom, have about 3 Kings right now, all “legitimately” elected, since the King’s son does not automatically take over. Presidential candidates are having an extremely hard time figuring out which of the 3 Kings to bribe for their subjects’ vote!
In Ivory Coast, a former tremendously fantabulous country with a record of peace better than lousy Tanzania and its rude inhabitants, has finally accepted and turned into a normal African country with true African characteristics expected of Africans by the major media punks like BBC and CNN who are having a field day reporting from yet another failure on the dark continent!
The Ivorians have 2 sitting Presidents, 2 Prime Ministers and 2 full cabinets. Wonder whether they have 2 Revenue Authorities coz that’s where money comes from. Like their neighbors Nigeria, there is a Muslim North and a Christian South with a conglomerate of tribes within, however the religious animosity stands out. So like a true African democracy, the incumbent refused to lose, and he has the army to back him up, a lesson learned from Madagascar, the army rules! Let’s wait for yet another power sharing agreement with an executive Prime Minister (the chap that “won”)
An imminent split is also waiting to happen in Sudan, after their referendum in January 2011, and if Ghadaffi had his way, he would split Nigeria into 2 states. How does a guy advocating for 1 African government be the same chap telling Nigeria to split…beats the oblangatta!
In less interesting news, DP candidate Mao (who previously asked for the North to split from Ug) rolled over in his car several times while on the Mityana road after his driver hit a pot hole! The Ministry of Works in cahoots with traffic policemen immediately came in and took those measurements, questioned “potential witnesses” and sent the findings back to the labs for analysis after which they concluded that “the driver was over speeding….the pot hole had nothing whatsoever to do with anything” and so this guy shall be charged with breaking the speed limits, and the pot hole shall remain as a deterrent to future drivers along this route that want to break speed limits!
The rest of the candidates were as usual bashing the government and the government bashing back, nothing new really! (Let's hope we wont have an executive Prime Minister after all this)
2 comments:
Hahaa..Uganda is not yet about to have an exec PM. Not with the current EC, they know which side of their bread is buttered.
I was about to say Africa really sucks, but even Bush stole the election! And even the Great Britain has an Exec PM. Just that we have to first roast our neighbours!!
On Ugandan elections, who is Lubega? Av never seen that guy!! He should sue the media for inappropriate representation!!
White guys steal elections - but they dont panga themselves over it, we're still fucked!
As for that broke bugger Lubega, the chap "suspended" campaigns when he found his bank statement for December had only bank charges! We await his return!
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