Mis-inspirational quotes!!

As the year comes to a close (and we get into the hippy ten’s), several chaps are going to lie to themselves that they are going to make resolutions, which shall inevitably be broken 2 weeks into the new year, yet another lie! Inspirational buggers like the author of many books which talk about many other books, a one Musolini, shall be racking up dimes as they speak at corporate farewell bashes for all ye employees at the end of year retreat.

If I had this bugger’s job, I would go in there just to mess things up. After reminding you that dimes are not so important (except when it’s time to pay rent), I would unleash a powerpoint slide with the most mis-inspirational quotes to guide you into the new year, and al share them in a jiff, see that’s shorter than a jifyy! Here goes:

“A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when it shines, and wants it back the minute it begins to rain” – Mark Twain.

“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing” – Emo Phillips

“A hard man is good to find” – Mae West

“A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished! – Zsa Gabor

“A man in the house is worth two in the street!” – Mae West

“A man is only as old as the woman he feels.” – Graucho Max

“A woman drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her” – W C Fields

“Behind every successful man – is a huge bank account!” – Anonymous

“Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days the statue!” – Dilbert

“All things I really like are either immoral, illegal or fattening” – Alex Woolcott

“Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed” – Winston Churchill

“Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde

“Don’t put off till tomorrow what you can avoid doing altogether.” – Anonymous

“Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies” – Oliver Goldsmith

“Women are absolutely equal, they just can’t quite lift as much.” – Lee Roth

“The road to success is always under construction” – Anonymous

“Dancing – the vertical expression of a horizontal desire” – Bernard Shaw

“Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes” – Oscar Wilde

“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.” – JFK

“Giving up smoking is easy. I’ve done it hundreds of times” – Anonymous

“He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot. But let not that fool ya, he really is an idiot!” – Max

“He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches” – Bernard Shaw

“I drink, therefore I am” – WC Fields

“I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting” – Mark Twain

“I love animals, they are tasty” – Anonymous

“I love being married. Its so great to find that 1 special person u want to annoy the rest of yo life” – Rudner

“I never drink water, fish fuck in it” – WC Fields

“If at first u don’t succeed, try try again, then give up. There’s no sense being a damned fool about it” – WC Fields

“If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.” – Brent

“I’ve had a perfectly good evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Max

“Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” – Rudner

“Never take life too seriously. No one ever gets out alive anyway!” – Anonymous

And that’s it!