The MTN marathon do's and don'ts!!

So you are going for the MTN marathon, u corporate chap you!! Several warnings about what you should eat and what to avoid shall be sent to you by wanna-be physicists who have been watching a lot of Oprah, but do you really want to win this thing? Hells no!! People are in it for the fun of it!

As chaps that have cable (those ballistic anti-copyright bullshitters that show supersport with total disregard for that MNET sole license holder crap), we got to see the real reasons why you shouldn’t go for that marathon by some health advisors who definitely have nothing to do with bullshit Oprah and her fitness punks coz you definitely won’t win, and here’s some reasons why;

10 –Your number “467” is also your cholesterol.

9 – You once pulled a hamstring opening your mail.

8 - Crowd noise drowned out by your wheezing!

7 – Ofwono Opondo shoots you in the face with the starter’s pistol (you may be in a blue shirt bitch!)

6 – You’re so fat you are wearing the MTN headband / bandana on your wrist!

5 – Miss start of race because you are in the bank collecting a bounced cheque from Mike Ezra

4 – Miss race because you are catching grasshoppers in Bukoto.

3 – 2 kilometers and you fall into a giant pot hole!

2 – You get totally exhausted at the signpost of “first water point”

1 – You are still trying to finish last year’s marathon!!

That obviously leaves out winning as an option, and settles you for the blast bit of it. With the election fever on however, serious confusion is going to ensue as to whether this is one mammoth NRM bash or something, coz the ruling party has already painted the city yellow, what with all sorts of posters never even imagined by advertising gurus like Satchi and bullshit Satchi, like the trolley thingy at the Kiira Rd Police station roundabout, now who thought of that? Or the ads at the Kampala Golf Course? Or the Kololo grounds where the race will take off? There will just be no difference.

However, politicking aside, you shall have two options for the marathon, the 42 kilometer run or the 21 kilometer run for the jokers written about above. If you are not sure of which category to run in and yet you are constantly runnin’, these will help you know if you can join the 42 kilometer run and compete with the Inzikuru's;

10 – You spend more time in the drug section than the food section of the local market.

9 – You have more dirt on your shoes than in your garden.

8 – You get more phone calls at 5AM than at 5PM.

7 – You don’t recognize your friends with their clothes on.

6 – You have more buckles than belts.

5 – You postpone your wedding because it will interfere with training.

4 – You always have at least one black toenail.

3 – You can expound on the virtues of eating salt.

2 – You run marathons for morning exercises.

1 – Your name begins with Kip……..and ends with …(kip)choge…..(kip)riso….(kip)lagat….

Well, wish y’all the best in yo jogging, at least you are pretty damn sure of getting a certificate, that 10k is worth every step!