As the year comes to a close (and we get into the hippy ten’s), several chaps are going to lie to themselves that they are going to make resolutions, which shall inevitably be broken 2 weeks into the new year, yet another lie! Inspirational buggers like the author of many books which talk about many other books, a one Musolini, shall be racking up dimes as they speak at corporate farewell bashes for all ye employees at the end of year retreat.
If I had this bugger’s job, I would go in there just to mess things up. After reminding you that dimes are not so important (except when it’s time to pay rent), I would unleash a powerpoint slide with the most mis-inspirational quotes to guide you into the new year, and al share them in a jiff, see that’s shorter than a jifyy! Here goes:
“A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when it shines, and wants it back the minute it begins to rain” – Mark Twain.
“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing” – Emo Phillips
“A hard man is good to find” – Mae West
“A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished! – Zsa Gabor
“A man in the house is worth two in the street!” – Mae West
“A man is only as old as the woman he feels.” – Graucho Max
“A woman drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her” – W C Fields
“Behind every successful man – is a huge bank account!” – Anonymous
“Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days the statue!” – Dilbert
“All things I really like are either immoral, illegal or fattening” – Alex Woolcott
“Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed” – Winston Churchill
“Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde
“Don’t put off till tomorrow what you can avoid doing altogether.” – Anonymous
“Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies” – Oliver Goldsmith
“Women are absolutely equal, they just can’t quite lift as much.” – Lee Roth
“The road to success is always under construction” – Anonymous
“Dancing – the vertical expression of a horizontal desire” – Bernard Shaw
“Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes” – Oscar Wilde
“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.” – JFK
“Giving up smoking is easy. I’ve done it hundreds of times” – Anonymous
“He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot. But let not that fool ya, he really is an idiot!” – Max
“He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches” – Bernard Shaw
“I drink, therefore I am” – WC Fields
“I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting” – Mark Twain
“I love animals, they are tasty” – Anonymous
“I love being married. Its so great to find that 1 special person u want to annoy the rest of yo life” – Rudner
“I never drink water, fish fuck in it” – WC Fields
“If at first u don’t succeed, try try again, then give up. There’s no sense being a damned fool about it” – WC Fields
“If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.” – Brent
“I’ve had a perfectly good evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Max
“Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” – Rudner
“Never take life too seriously. No one ever gets out alive anyway!” – Anonymous
And that’s it!
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1 comment:
Ha haa..
Good compilation. I like those of W.C Fields!! Funny! No wonder he was called a W.C.
Am sure Sebagala deserves to be somewhere on that list! Haa.. "They say I am old, but I am not 53!! I am 52."
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