A quick drive thru Kampala and its suburbs will bring forth to the mind a new kind of advertising where there are posters on virtually every pole in town, every pavement that’s big enough to stick an A4 size paper, heck, even the garbage bins have been plastered all over. The chaps at KCC responsible for the city’s cleanliness must be like “Hey, is it me or does the city look much brighter?”
The problem however is not the advert papers, but the contents, it’s really painful to know that people can put up this stuff and actually get away with it. Now at first, these guys started with notices like “Learn accounts software, call 0752 –xxxxxx, then this failed, then they went to stuff like “For video games and software, call 0752 – xxxxxx”, but this also backfired, so they went sexual, and this worked, I think, coz now there are posters every 3 seconds of;
“To increase manhood size, call…………..”
“Lose weight while eating, call ……………”
“For bigger bums and hips, call…………….”
“For cuter lips, call………………………….”
“Brain boosters for the mentally slow, call……”
“Lose pimples, stretch marks, call……………..”
“To eat chips and chicken for free, call…………”
“To get a free tv, call……………………………”
Advertising companies like ZK and the like must be cursing the gods, for their billboards have been violated by these goons. Electricity and telephone poles haven’t been spared either. But at least these goons should be given the licences to do ads for radio, coz they sound creative.
The ads on radio these days make us as sick as these street ads, imagine something like “Eh eh, u are talking alone? Now where is ufuta???” Despite switching off the radio, u go to tv and find a Spanish soap? We are still investigating the Spanish government, to see who has bribed all our TV execs to show more of this crap!! I am now forming “the association o chaps against Spanish soaps”, care to join??
Monday, November 17, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
Studies have shown that.......
Opinion polls are weird stuffs. Practically everything on earth has been “studied”. Imagine this;
“A French magazine which conducted a poll discovered that French men admitted to sleeping with 11.2 women whereas French women admitted to sleeping with 1.8 men”. I bet they were like “Sir, sorry to bother you, I know u are a stock market trader but could u give us a minute of your time and count for us how many women u have slept with? This information is very vital for the survival of humanity!” “Ah, I have slept with 11.2 women?” “Excuse me, point 2?” “Yea, she was mutilated in several areas” “Er, thank you sir for you time!”
“A study showed the IQ range is wider among men than women. In other words scientists believe that the smartest men are smarter than the smartest women but the stupidest men are stupider!” That is very true, coz I have also failed to understand that theory, am among the stupid ones “I s’pose!”
“A survey in New York revealed that the average Manhattan wife takes 14 minutes to switch off the light after going to bed”. I bet this scientist was like “Er Josh, what should we do today?” “I finished all these DNA structure studies and have discovered that molecules and photons are catholic, because they have mass! Now, lets go figure out how long it takes the average Manhattan woman to switch off her lights after going to bed” “And how exactly shall we do that?” “I got the binoculars baby, yyeeaahh!”
“Gold fish remember better in cold water than in warm water”. I bet the idiot that came up with this would show the gold fish 3 bananas, then puts it in cold water, then when he retrieved it, it would yell out “three bananas!”. It would then be put in a jar of warm water and on retrieval, would yell “Read my lips,No more Bush” .
“Crickets hear through their knees”. I bet this is how they found out;
Jack Bauer: “First am going to shoot your left knee, then a scrap off the skin on your right knee cap, till u give me the information!”
Cricket: “Am sori, but if u shoot my knees I wont be able to hear your questions!”
Jack Bauer: “Oh, so u hear through yo knees, Chloe, did u get that? Send that information down to the labs at CTU and verify if what this terrorist says is true, if it is, let the scientists publish it!”
According to a study in California in 1966, pigs are the only mammals other than humans that are capable of getting sunburned. “Alright porky, am heading down to the beach for an hour or so, do u have that sun cream?” “Am right on it, four legs good, sun cream good!”
“Bulls don’t see red – they are color blind”. Here’s how they knew this.
“Mooooooooooooooo”
“Pegy, why are u so upset?”
“The grass here is yellow, I only eat green grass”
“Peggy dear, all grass is the same”
“Really, but I thought…”
“No dear, we are color blind, at least that’s what I told the researcher!”
“Snails mate once in a lifetime, but it lasts for up to 12 hours”. “Joe, u have been up all nite” “Ya, am still watching the snails”
Here's a few other weirdos!
“Zebras have white stripes – not black ones”
“The hundred years war lasted 114 years”
“The bible does not mention Eve eating an apple, nor Jonah being swallowed by a whale”
“A French magazine which conducted a poll discovered that French men admitted to sleeping with 11.2 women whereas French women admitted to sleeping with 1.8 men”. I bet they were like “Sir, sorry to bother you, I know u are a stock market trader but could u give us a minute of your time and count for us how many women u have slept with? This information is very vital for the survival of humanity!” “Ah, I have slept with 11.2 women?” “Excuse me, point 2?” “Yea, she was mutilated in several areas” “Er, thank you sir for you time!”
“A study showed the IQ range is wider among men than women. In other words scientists believe that the smartest men are smarter than the smartest women but the stupidest men are stupider!” That is very true, coz I have also failed to understand that theory, am among the stupid ones “I s’pose!”
“A survey in New York revealed that the average Manhattan wife takes 14 minutes to switch off the light after going to bed”. I bet this scientist was like “Er Josh, what should we do today?” “I finished all these DNA structure studies and have discovered that molecules and photons are catholic, because they have mass! Now, lets go figure out how long it takes the average Manhattan woman to switch off her lights after going to bed” “And how exactly shall we do that?” “I got the binoculars baby, yyeeaahh!”
“Gold fish remember better in cold water than in warm water”. I bet the idiot that came up with this would show the gold fish 3 bananas, then puts it in cold water, then when he retrieved it, it would yell out “three bananas!”. It would then be put in a jar of warm water and on retrieval, would yell “Read my lips,No more Bush” .
“Crickets hear through their knees”. I bet this is how they found out;
Jack Bauer: “First am going to shoot your left knee, then a scrap off the skin on your right knee cap, till u give me the information!”
Cricket: “Am sori, but if u shoot my knees I wont be able to hear your questions!”
Jack Bauer: “Oh, so u hear through yo knees, Chloe, did u get that? Send that information down to the labs at CTU and verify if what this terrorist says is true, if it is, let the scientists publish it!”
According to a study in California in 1966, pigs are the only mammals other than humans that are capable of getting sunburned. “Alright porky, am heading down to the beach for an hour or so, do u have that sun cream?” “Am right on it, four legs good, sun cream good!”
“Bulls don’t see red – they are color blind”. Here’s how they knew this.
“Mooooooooooooooo”
“Pegy, why are u so upset?”
“The grass here is yellow, I only eat green grass”
“Peggy dear, all grass is the same”
“Really, but I thought…”
“No dear, we are color blind, at least that’s what I told the researcher!”
“Snails mate once in a lifetime, but it lasts for up to 12 hours”. “Joe, u have been up all nite” “Ya, am still watching the snails”
Here's a few other weirdos!
“Zebras have white stripes – not black ones”
“The hundred years war lasted 114 years”
“The bible does not mention Eve eating an apple, nor Jonah being swallowed by a whale”
Makerere University is dead!
Makerere University is dead, but we like to watch the corpse decompose!! Heres why;
Since all our TV stations have proved to be a bunch of crap, we have been forced to look for entertainment elsewhere, we may be catching up with the white chaps, by preferring live TV to crappy Spanish soaps that are being forced down our throats.
Luckily enough, we have found one, ladies and gents, Live TV introduces an all new show, season premier started about 8 years back, but it has recently become very entertaining, so we present to you ……Makerere University!
Episode 1: Kenyan students go on strike:
It’s a breezy morning on the campus, and Barrack Obama has just won the election, CNN is covered in Kenyan flag colors, but the camera switches to chaotic scenes outside the University’s main block, we see Kenyan flags alright, and chaotic scenes! The viewer thinks it’s the celebration of Obama’s win, but they are dead wrong! The Kenyan students are on strike!! A quick thought jumps to the head, why would they be on strike? We know the administrators of this uni are so crappy, but we just cant believe the lengths they go to, are they giving the kenyans worse beans than the locals? Are they getting lower marks? Maybe all the mosquitos on campus have been given strict orders to only give malaria to the Kenyans, something like;
“Blue 6, come in, this is red hat 10, confirm location” “Red hat red hat, this is Blue 6, I have the malaria virus with me here, looking for target, please confirm” “Blue six, go sting the third guy from the left, he’s Kenyan” “Roger that, copy that, out is out, malaria parasite deposited, mission accomplished, Kenyan down, I repeat Kenyan down” “Thank you anopheles, sori, I mean blue six, over”
It turns out however that tuition fees for all foreign students had been hiked without notice, we are still waiting on the Tanzanians and Sudanese to strike as well!
Episode 2: Dean of finance gives daughter office:
This was the funniest episode, now this chap, who was the head of LDC was promoted to some other stuff we are not really bothered with spelling out, so he gets a bigger office at the main block. Ordinarily, he would hand over the LDC office to the successor, but no, not this chap. He instead gives the office to his daughter to revise her books, a factor that prepicitated………no, precitipate…….that just cant be right, PRECIPITADED, ah yes, that’s it!! A factor that precipitaded the administration to knock down the door and switch the locks!
Episode 3: 2 billion shilling wall downed by a drizzle:
It was supposed to be “the great wall of campus”, having cost a staggering 2 billion shillings. We were told this would be the eighth wonder of the world, and if u went to the moon u would see it! However, during a slight drizzle, that little annoying downpour that leaves u thinking “should I use the umbrella or not”, and the “great wall had a great fall”. Lets rhyme for these chaps a bit;
Humpty dumpty shat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had built the wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
Humpty Dumpty was on the damn wall!
Episode 4: Transcript – Now u see me, now you don’t!
When one graduates, one normally gets a transcript like on…er, graduation day. Here’s the campus scenario;
“Sir, fill in those forms and return after a month”
“Sir, u are saying u filled in the forms a month ago, but we cant see them”
“Sir, we don’t seem to find your results, are you sure u studied here?”
“Sir, the person with your transcript went for further studies in South Africa, please return after 2 years”
“Sir, just leave us alone, we don’t have your bloody transcript!”
Since all our TV stations have proved to be a bunch of crap, we have been forced to look for entertainment elsewhere, we may be catching up with the white chaps, by preferring live TV to crappy Spanish soaps that are being forced down our throats.
Luckily enough, we have found one, ladies and gents, Live TV introduces an all new show, season premier started about 8 years back, but it has recently become very entertaining, so we present to you ……Makerere University!
Episode 1: Kenyan students go on strike:
It’s a breezy morning on the campus, and Barrack Obama has just won the election, CNN is covered in Kenyan flag colors, but the camera switches to chaotic scenes outside the University’s main block, we see Kenyan flags alright, and chaotic scenes! The viewer thinks it’s the celebration of Obama’s win, but they are dead wrong! The Kenyan students are on strike!! A quick thought jumps to the head, why would they be on strike? We know the administrators of this uni are so crappy, but we just cant believe the lengths they go to, are they giving the kenyans worse beans than the locals? Are they getting lower marks? Maybe all the mosquitos on campus have been given strict orders to only give malaria to the Kenyans, something like;
“Blue 6, come in, this is red hat 10, confirm location” “Red hat red hat, this is Blue 6, I have the malaria virus with me here, looking for target, please confirm” “Blue six, go sting the third guy from the left, he’s Kenyan” “Roger that, copy that, out is out, malaria parasite deposited, mission accomplished, Kenyan down, I repeat Kenyan down” “Thank you anopheles, sori, I mean blue six, over”
It turns out however that tuition fees for all foreign students had been hiked without notice, we are still waiting on the Tanzanians and Sudanese to strike as well!
Episode 2: Dean of finance gives daughter office:
This was the funniest episode, now this chap, who was the head of LDC was promoted to some other stuff we are not really bothered with spelling out, so he gets a bigger office at the main block. Ordinarily, he would hand over the LDC office to the successor, but no, not this chap. He instead gives the office to his daughter to revise her books, a factor that prepicitated………no, precitipate…….that just cant be right, PRECIPITADED, ah yes, that’s it!! A factor that precipitaded the administration to knock down the door and switch the locks!
Episode 3: 2 billion shilling wall downed by a drizzle:
It was supposed to be “the great wall of campus”, having cost a staggering 2 billion shillings. We were told this would be the eighth wonder of the world, and if u went to the moon u would see it! However, during a slight drizzle, that little annoying downpour that leaves u thinking “should I use the umbrella or not”, and the “great wall had a great fall”. Lets rhyme for these chaps a bit;
Humpty dumpty shat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had built the wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
Humpty Dumpty was on the damn wall!
Episode 4: Transcript – Now u see me, now you don’t!
When one graduates, one normally gets a transcript like on…er, graduation day. Here’s the campus scenario;
“Sir, fill in those forms and return after a month”
“Sir, u are saying u filled in the forms a month ago, but we cant see them”
“Sir, we don’t seem to find your results, are you sure u studied here?”
“Sir, the person with your transcript went for further studies in South Africa, please return after 2 years”
“Sir, just leave us alone, we don’t have your bloody transcript!”
A whorrible event!
A Whorrible Event! Passing by Speke Road the other day, i couldnt help but notice "They are BACK!". Ladies and gents, the police have since stop harrasing the flesh peddlers. As a professional helper, I asked one of them to give me her side of the story, and thus she relates;
Her name is Susan, a common name for these chicks, which is why Whitney Houston was complaining in that song "My name is not Susan". Any who, she was arrested by this policeman who called her a WHORE! He charged her with being a "whor-rible" person. She tried to beep God to intervene, but the network to heaven was interrupted by the "whore-zone" layer!
She told the policeman she was actually on her way to the "Whore-tel", which happens to be across the street, to which he repiled she was just "Whor-rified" by the arrest, and so was telling lies! She then asked to be taken to the "whore-spital", coz she just couldn't manage conditions in the police cells!
"Wh-owever", the constable had other ideas, so he took her to his "whor-use", where he proceeded to mis-use whore body, and later release her back to the road across from the "whore-tel". Thats why she was back!
Her name is Susan, a common name for these chicks, which is why Whitney Houston was complaining in that song "My name is not Susan". Any who, she was arrested by this policeman who called her a WHORE! He charged her with being a "whor-rible" person. She tried to beep God to intervene, but the network to heaven was interrupted by the "whore-zone" layer!
She told the policeman she was actually on her way to the "Whore-tel", which happens to be across the street, to which he repiled she was just "Whor-rified" by the arrest, and so was telling lies! She then asked to be taken to the "whore-spital", coz she just couldn't manage conditions in the police cells!
"Wh-owever", the constable had other ideas, so he took her to his "whor-use", where he proceeded to mis-use whore body, and later release her back to the road across from the "whore-tel". Thats why she was back!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Current Affairs
The credit crunch is nothing like Nestle Coco Crunch, not sweet. This blog, that used to be updated on a daily, has been hit by the global economic crisis, with internet cafes upping rates and all were happy when a 700 billion dollar bailout was announced by the US senate, we thought it would trickle down here but wapi! Germany announced a bailout for its banking industry, Japan for its car industry, and Uganda announced a massive bailout for its Ministers of Security and Finance from the jaws of the censure industry!
What Ugandans wanted was the bailout of the country’s roads, or former roads, but the line minister was like “fuck it, they’ll get used to it!”
You never realise how bad a ride is in Kampala till u take a taxi! It all begins as u stand by the “stage”, which is a spot by the road where a minibus can manoeuvre a way to get slightly off the road, allowing the cars behind to come to a screeching halt and dodge the backside of the taxi that stops without warning!
The conductor opens the door and there’s only one spot left, the front row, where he lets u sit then proceeds to move u over so u share the little seat by the sliding door! He then says “we sikeemu awo”, “push yo-wa selef over”, “Extend”! Now u are squeezed up on the seat, then by some bad luck, the chap behind u wants to pass over some money to the conductor, so the conductor raises out his arm to fetch the dimes, and emits the WORST smell EVER!!! These guy’s armpits have a smell so foul they make sulphuric acid blush! Chemistry lab assistants would be so pissed to learn that there’s actually something worse to torture students with, that they haven’t yet concocted! Wonder why conductors never get malaria? Coz mosquitoes die on impact! Autopsies by Dr Anopheles Mosquito show they were poisoned by nerve gas, produced by a human! It’s the natural DDT!
If businessmen would find a way to can this smell, they would make a dime! We would walk into supermarkets and be like “shop sales lady, do u have a can of conductor’s arm pit?” “Am sori, we run out”. That’s when u reluctantly be like “Ok, al just take Doom, or Farco rapid kill!”. Speaking of which, am wondering what blokes came up with a name like Farco for a repellent! U go to a supermarket and be like; “Can I have 1 fuck-o please” “What size do u want, we have medium and large, what are u, see we really like u guys who take the message seriously and don’t spread around disease” “Slow yo horses there cowgirl, I want a bloody spray, FARCO”
Where was I before this mosquito stuff, ahh, the foul smelling chap! U know, according to Dr Mohinder Suresh, ya, that guy in “heroes”, conductors have superpowers, they emit this odor to make people pay more than they should, therefore mis using their powers, he is still working on a cure, which shall be discovered when the series is eventually cancelled, I mean u don’t expect the guy to give us the solution! We may stop watching Heroes and reluctantly watch Big Brother, the silent killer!
Before long in the taxi, some chap says “maaso awo”, “eyes there”, “stop me there”, and everyone has to get out to give him way, then we assemble ourselves back in the minibus before anatha crappy “eyes there” just 2 minutes later! U get fed up of the nonsense and decide to walk the rest of the way, so u hand the DDT emiting chap a ka 5 thou, he gives u back less money, u protest, he raises his arm, which disorients u and sends u in a dizzy spell, u then say to him “Look, if thought u could just play around with me like all those other chaps u cheat……..u were RIGHT!! Am off to the bank to get a car loan!”
What Ugandans wanted was the bailout of the country’s roads, or former roads, but the line minister was like “fuck it, they’ll get used to it!”
You never realise how bad a ride is in Kampala till u take a taxi! It all begins as u stand by the “stage”, which is a spot by the road where a minibus can manoeuvre a way to get slightly off the road, allowing the cars behind to come to a screeching halt and dodge the backside of the taxi that stops without warning!
The conductor opens the door and there’s only one spot left, the front row, where he lets u sit then proceeds to move u over so u share the little seat by the sliding door! He then says “we sikeemu awo”, “push yo-wa selef over”, “Extend”! Now u are squeezed up on the seat, then by some bad luck, the chap behind u wants to pass over some money to the conductor, so the conductor raises out his arm to fetch the dimes, and emits the WORST smell EVER!!! These guy’s armpits have a smell so foul they make sulphuric acid blush! Chemistry lab assistants would be so pissed to learn that there’s actually something worse to torture students with, that they haven’t yet concocted! Wonder why conductors never get malaria? Coz mosquitoes die on impact! Autopsies by Dr Anopheles Mosquito show they were poisoned by nerve gas, produced by a human! It’s the natural DDT!
If businessmen would find a way to can this smell, they would make a dime! We would walk into supermarkets and be like “shop sales lady, do u have a can of conductor’s arm pit?” “Am sori, we run out”. That’s when u reluctantly be like “Ok, al just take Doom, or Farco rapid kill!”. Speaking of which, am wondering what blokes came up with a name like Farco for a repellent! U go to a supermarket and be like; “Can I have 1 fuck-o please” “What size do u want, we have medium and large, what are u, see we really like u guys who take the message seriously and don’t spread around disease” “Slow yo horses there cowgirl, I want a bloody spray, FARCO”
Where was I before this mosquito stuff, ahh, the foul smelling chap! U know, according to Dr Mohinder Suresh, ya, that guy in “heroes”, conductors have superpowers, they emit this odor to make people pay more than they should, therefore mis using their powers, he is still working on a cure, which shall be discovered when the series is eventually cancelled, I mean u don’t expect the guy to give us the solution! We may stop watching Heroes and reluctantly watch Big Brother, the silent killer!
Before long in the taxi, some chap says “maaso awo”, “eyes there”, “stop me there”, and everyone has to get out to give him way, then we assemble ourselves back in the minibus before anatha crappy “eyes there” just 2 minutes later! U get fed up of the nonsense and decide to walk the rest of the way, so u hand the DDT emiting chap a ka 5 thou, he gives u back less money, u protest, he raises his arm, which disorients u and sends u in a dizzy spell, u then say to him “Look, if thought u could just play around with me like all those other chaps u cheat……..u were RIGHT!! Am off to the bank to get a car loan!”
Ghetto Prez
Al take a few moments to vent out my rage at this pumpkin. His music may be liked alright, but his lifestyle is too weak! I just saw this chap on NTV announcing his upcoming “un plugged” show to be at silk, and the chap was like; (read as is, for realistic effect)
“Aki chuali, di si show willi be ini pulagedi, noti outu pu laggedi” I bet he was trying to say “actually this show will be in plugged, not out plugged”, leaving the question begging, “what the hell is in plugged?” Is this guy high?! I imagine an interview with this nappy head;
Reporter: Mr Wine, u have proclaimed yo self the ghetto president, were u elected?
BW: Aki chualli, I am de best in de inda-su-tu-ri!!
Reporter: Yo wife is Barbie, do u call her Barbie doll?
BW: aki chualli, what is Barbie doll?
Reporter: Never mind, why don’t u go to the ghetto parliament, smoke some of your flowers then come back for a more ballistic interview!
(5 minutes later, he re appears, with jewellery all over the place)
BW: Ya man rasta man wat aguan, big tings a gwan man, big ups to jah rastafari mama baby rememba dat!!
Reporter: What the hell did u just do!
BW: Mi a fi tell dem rasta man de ganja republic man of Uganja big ups to his excellency de ghetto president shhhaaa!!
Reporter: Sir, I gotta go now.
BW: Memba to tell dem rasta fans a mine, mi show will be in-plugged man, carry de ganja and smoka weeda, stinka weeda, and drinka weeda, cchaaa!!!
Reporter: Did u just some weed?
BW: Me a fi tell dem, me smoke ganja and me spread nuttin but propaganja, tell em dat mama baby!
Reporter: Who the hell is mama baby?
BW: Dats di intro to mi first it song! It was a it, skreik to number 1! Tell em dat mama……….
Reporter: Aaaaannnnnd CUT!!!
“Aki chuali, di si show willi be ini pulagedi, noti outu pu laggedi” I bet he was trying to say “actually this show will be in plugged, not out plugged”, leaving the question begging, “what the hell is in plugged?” Is this guy high?! I imagine an interview with this nappy head;
Reporter: Mr Wine, u have proclaimed yo self the ghetto president, were u elected?
BW: Aki chualli, I am de best in de inda-su-tu-ri!!
Reporter: Yo wife is Barbie, do u call her Barbie doll?
BW: aki chualli, what is Barbie doll?
Reporter: Never mind, why don’t u go to the ghetto parliament, smoke some of your flowers then come back for a more ballistic interview!
(5 minutes later, he re appears, with jewellery all over the place)
BW: Ya man rasta man wat aguan, big tings a gwan man, big ups to jah rastafari mama baby rememba dat!!
Reporter: What the hell did u just do!
BW: Mi a fi tell dem rasta man de ganja republic man of Uganja big ups to his excellency de ghetto president shhhaaa!!
Reporter: Sir, I gotta go now.
BW: Memba to tell dem rasta fans a mine, mi show will be in-plugged man, carry de ganja and smoka weeda, stinka weeda, and drinka weeda, cchaaa!!!
Reporter: Did u just some weed?
BW: Me a fi tell dem, me smoke ganja and me spread nuttin but propaganja, tell em dat mama baby!
Reporter: Who the hell is mama baby?
BW: Dats di intro to mi first it song! It was a it, skreik to number 1! Tell em dat mama……….
Reporter: Aaaaannnnnd CUT!!!
Monday, November 10, 2008
This Is Africa!
This Obama stuff is getting too over-played we just might get fed up with the chap before he actually starts his real work, so before we do that, I will also add just one more story, which is a thought on how this election could have gone, if the US was an African country!
First, Obama would have announced his candidacy like 2 years before the election. At around the same time, Bush would have used his chaps in parliament to try and amend the constitution so he could serve a third term, “since there were many projects he had started that he wanted to finish, like the war on terror”. His cronies would bribe fellow legislators to get the required votes to remove term limits, which Bush would go on to win, courtesy of the same stunts he used in his last 2 elections.
Due to pressure from donors, led by the world’s superpower Uganda and its staunch democratic allies Kenya and Zimbabwe who are strongly opposed to life presidencies, and who are major contributors to the US budget, the plans to remove the term limits shall be thwarted, and the election will proceed!
George Bush, who shall be fearing for his future after power, because of the many imprisonments he made during his term, and the lots of money he will have to account for, that were stolen by his closest allies, will then go ahead and hand pick a successor, a one John Mc Cain, who shall be his stooge and protector when he takes over the reins of power!
In all areas, the leading opposition candidate Obama shall see his campaign venues filled to the brim, and shall get many sympathisers from both within the country and abroad! This will prompt the Bush regime to arrest Obama, charging him with rape, and some terrorist connections, since his name is Hussein! He will be charged with the rape of some obscure relative that he used to live with some 10 years earlier, and the Bush regime will hope he says “he bathed with hot water to avoid any infections!”
But Obama will maintain his cool, and these charges will be dismissed, so they will then charge him with connections to terrorists, the big evidence being his middle name, and the fact that he visited Afghanistan when he was still 2 years old! Mc Cain shall be campaigning in the meantime.
When political pressure from the Axis of Dimes, Uganda, Kenya and Zimbabwe step in, Obama shall be released “due to lack of enough evidence” and given 1 month to campaign. But as any other opposition chap in Africa, he is not going to whine about the bad state of the infrastructure, the poor health sector, the lack of jobs or any other sensible stuff! He will hit the electorate with stuff like “he is black, and no one from his clan has ever been given the chance to rule, so now it’s their turn”. His other campaign material will include stuff like “Bush will go! His time is up!”, but no other realistic stuff!
Obama will go ahead to say the “he will create jobs for all, give everyone money and send more people to richer countries to mop their houses, clean their nappies and any other odd jobs, but they will get rich”. People fall for this crap!
With election day looming, Obama supporters shall be tear gassed by the police, several of them beaten and thrown into cells, while many others will flee to exile! Mc Cain will go on to win, despite some irregularities here and there, and he will be sworn in 12 minutes after the Electoral Commission has announced the results!
The natives of the black community will get so pissed off with this result that they will take to the streets, armed with pangas and stuff, burning down the houses of all the people from those other tribes that voted for Mc Cain. The army leadership will stand by their current prez, and will refuse to back Obama, thus sending the US to a month of untold mayhem. A genocide shall be feared, but since Uganda, Kenya and Zimbabwe don’t have any real interests, in terms of oil or gold in the US, they will turn a blind eye to the massacres going on. Before long, mediators from the African Union shall be called in to calm down the situation. Mc Cain and Obama shall be put on a round table to discuss the way forward for the US, Obama shall be made the Executive Prime Minister, with some of his party members being given top ministerial positions in the government, which shall have been made bigger to accommodate both blacks and white tribe representatives.
The peace deal shall be shaky, and Mc Cain will go ahead and name ministers without consulting Obama, including giving himself the Ministry Of Interior, which over sees the police. Obama will reject this proposal outright, and shall call in all African leaders to help mediate. Before long, both men settle, but on a 6 month trial basis. Refugees are called back home, while the Internally Displaced People who have been fed by UNHCR and WFP are re-settled to their homes.
But before long, a one Laurent who is not content with the deal, goes to the bush in Texas, claiming to be fighting for his people, the blacks. The resulting fight displaces most people in Texas, sending them to refugee camps in neighbouring countries………………………………………………..
This Is Africa!!!!!
First, Obama would have announced his candidacy like 2 years before the election. At around the same time, Bush would have used his chaps in parliament to try and amend the constitution so he could serve a third term, “since there were many projects he had started that he wanted to finish, like the war on terror”. His cronies would bribe fellow legislators to get the required votes to remove term limits, which Bush would go on to win, courtesy of the same stunts he used in his last 2 elections.
Due to pressure from donors, led by the world’s superpower Uganda and its staunch democratic allies Kenya and Zimbabwe who are strongly opposed to life presidencies, and who are major contributors to the US budget, the plans to remove the term limits shall be thwarted, and the election will proceed!
George Bush, who shall be fearing for his future after power, because of the many imprisonments he made during his term, and the lots of money he will have to account for, that were stolen by his closest allies, will then go ahead and hand pick a successor, a one John Mc Cain, who shall be his stooge and protector when he takes over the reins of power!
In all areas, the leading opposition candidate Obama shall see his campaign venues filled to the brim, and shall get many sympathisers from both within the country and abroad! This will prompt the Bush regime to arrest Obama, charging him with rape, and some terrorist connections, since his name is Hussein! He will be charged with the rape of some obscure relative that he used to live with some 10 years earlier, and the Bush regime will hope he says “he bathed with hot water to avoid any infections!”
But Obama will maintain his cool, and these charges will be dismissed, so they will then charge him with connections to terrorists, the big evidence being his middle name, and the fact that he visited Afghanistan when he was still 2 years old! Mc Cain shall be campaigning in the meantime.
When political pressure from the Axis of Dimes, Uganda, Kenya and Zimbabwe step in, Obama shall be released “due to lack of enough evidence” and given 1 month to campaign. But as any other opposition chap in Africa, he is not going to whine about the bad state of the infrastructure, the poor health sector, the lack of jobs or any other sensible stuff! He will hit the electorate with stuff like “he is black, and no one from his clan has ever been given the chance to rule, so now it’s their turn”. His other campaign material will include stuff like “Bush will go! His time is up!”, but no other realistic stuff!
Obama will go ahead to say the “he will create jobs for all, give everyone money and send more people to richer countries to mop their houses, clean their nappies and any other odd jobs, but they will get rich”. People fall for this crap!
With election day looming, Obama supporters shall be tear gassed by the police, several of them beaten and thrown into cells, while many others will flee to exile! Mc Cain will go on to win, despite some irregularities here and there, and he will be sworn in 12 minutes after the Electoral Commission has announced the results!
The natives of the black community will get so pissed off with this result that they will take to the streets, armed with pangas and stuff, burning down the houses of all the people from those other tribes that voted for Mc Cain. The army leadership will stand by their current prez, and will refuse to back Obama, thus sending the US to a month of untold mayhem. A genocide shall be feared, but since Uganda, Kenya and Zimbabwe don’t have any real interests, in terms of oil or gold in the US, they will turn a blind eye to the massacres going on. Before long, mediators from the African Union shall be called in to calm down the situation. Mc Cain and Obama shall be put on a round table to discuss the way forward for the US, Obama shall be made the Executive Prime Minister, with some of his party members being given top ministerial positions in the government, which shall have been made bigger to accommodate both blacks and white tribe representatives.
The peace deal shall be shaky, and Mc Cain will go ahead and name ministers without consulting Obama, including giving himself the Ministry Of Interior, which over sees the police. Obama will reject this proposal outright, and shall call in all African leaders to help mediate. Before long, both men settle, but on a 6 month trial basis. Refugees are called back home, while the Internally Displaced People who have been fed by UNHCR and WFP are re-settled to their homes.
But before long, a one Laurent who is not content with the deal, goes to the bush in Texas, claiming to be fighting for his people, the blacks. The resulting fight displaces most people in Texas, sending them to refugee camps in neighbouring countries………………………………………………..
This Is Africa!!!!!
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