Global fund dimes

The Global fund dimes are BACK!! Apparently, the Minister of Health, yea, that shabbily bearded chap whose neighbourhood barbers seem to be charging him an arm and a leg for beard cuts, announced recently that the dimes had started flowing back to Uganda, albeit slowly, cautiously, meekly and all those other bu nice words that end with …ly, but mean that corruption will be reduced!

These dimes are supposed to fight diseases that we had last heard of, while we were preparing for PLE, coz we really don’t give a shit what this money is for, we only give a shit about how to lay our filthy hands on them, then run to City Tyres to soup up our BMW rims and tyres, then go hang at Fat Boyz, with the boot open, and our sub-woofers blaring louder music than Fat Boyz and JK combined!

If anyone were to get a job with Cheeye’s former dime backers, one would think he was doing an interview for a P7 teacher’s job, coz u will be reminded of stuff like Bilharzia! What the hell was that again? Imagine yourself at that ka desk at Kitante, just having grabbed the exam sheet, and no. 1 is;

Q: Name the 7 deadly diseases;
A: The 7 deadly diseases are (u know u had to write the question again, for kazungu purposes, village schools still fail becoz of this little handicap) measles, TB, bilharzia, diphtheria, whooping cough, over pinting and over chowing without using the C in ABC. (The last 2 have been added to keep up with the real stuff these little Lil Wayne punks be writing on their exam sheets!)

Reading what this global fund money is supposed to do actually takes you back in time! When was the last time u heard of Whooping Cough? And what the hell is whooping cough?? Is it a scenario where someone jumps around while they cough? Or is it a cough with beats? Whooping sounds like a dance style, we obviously know what cough is!

Scientists who play John the Baptist by naming these diseases should write a memo explaining how they pick up these names. For example, the Global Fund dimes are supposed to take care of Communicable and non-communicable diseases.

See when these diseases are being classified, scientists usually sit down with representatives from these diseases, usually they meet in secluded areas like Kati Kati or Rwenzori Coffee. Representatives from Club Disease usually consist of a virus, a germ, a bacteria, a parasite and some stray red blood cell that went rogue, and was now helping diseases with valuable information on when to attack, and where! See that’s how AIDS started, some rogue cell!

Now when the doctors talk to parasite, they be like, “yo parasite, man u are re-ya-ly wiping off humans with this yellow fever thingy, do u think we can reach a truce of sorts??” Mosquito beez like “Al first consult with my swamp relatives on that one”

The doctors be like “Say, this disease can speak to us!!! Voila!! It’s a communicable disease, classify that, and send it to the Global Fund headquarters, tell them we are still interrogating bacteria and germ, to get information on whooping cough, but in the meantime, leave whooping cough as non-communicable”.

But unfortunately for Buchaman, that one legged, hoarse-voiced dancehall artiste of sorts, was born when some other Cheeye was eating Global fund dimes. Now first, he was hit by Polio, which was a communicable disease, coz Polio just told chaps “look, for me to disappear, just put some strange mix of syrup and force it down every little kid”, but it looks like the dimes that were sent to Buchaman’s crib were pocketed by the Cheeye of that time, coz to make matters worse, the ka punk also got whooping cough, coz his voice got so heavy, and he is always jumping/whooping all over the place!

So, for purposes of creating more Buchamans, LETS EAT THE GLOBAL FUND DIMES!!!!