Slap the King of Kings!!

Life’s a trick sometimes! If at the end of our mortal lives, those times when we succumb to bodily temptations like stealing, lusting et al ends, a process called death, we journey forth, to the unknown. Chaps like the Pope are insisting there is some guy called God, that chap who the authors of the bible kept calling the King of Kings of Israel, which begs the question, is He (in a capital H) also the King of the kabaka, and these other chaps that just received 4 billion bucks, but not of Israel? Of course, the Muslims call him Allah, yeah, both factions at least agree on that!

So if by any chance they are right, and I meet this God chap, the first thing I will do is SLAP the hell outta his right cheek, and then wait for him to turn the other, on the advise of his son, who escaped from his grave, before KCC could give away the cemetery to private investors! This God guy would be writhing in so much pain, he would beep the Angel of death to rush down to earth and deliver to him Maxi Priest, so they could do a remix to ♫ how can we ease the pain, that the people goin under ♫

Picture this, Jehovah is just chilling there creating humanity, then he goes “Son, am going to torture these fools!”. Do you comprehend how hard it is to wake up in the morning? The body is sooooo weak, u just curse the gods for making money the only thing we can use to purchase stuff! Just imagine if our bodies were ATMs and just by breathing oxygen, the deposits would turn into dimes! Chaps would be sleeping all morn, and just wake up to play solitaire and catch-up with facebook! And that morning drizzle at 6.45 am just kills the whole morning, u just want to slap the creator for this torture, worse than water-boarding!

The only time a man can be happy to wake up is that moment when he has started co-habiting with Marjorie, that new chick from accounts! He will wake up and just stare at her, then when she gets up he goes “I love waking up to your pretty face”, never mind he hasn’t brushed for the last 12 hours, this chick will just be like “CAN U TALK TO ME LATER AFTER U BRUSH……BITCH!!!” But that’s just in her head, coz in real life, u don’t just assure the chap like that, who’ll buy u the next ice cream? So the chick just smiles back, holds her breath, and gives the lumpen a little morning kiss, while closing all the passages to her nostrils and any smell detecting cells along the route to the lungs!

We other men who haven’t yet nailed Marjorie, have to settle for the pillow, give it a morning hug and it doesn’t even complain of our breath! But we be cursing the morning gods, coz all we have to think about is not “the pretty face” but the ugly faces of our bosses! We be wanting to slap our imaginations! Now am getting up to go sit with this crappy pumpkin all day, I wish other radio stations took a cue from Sanyu FM and all start a thingy of “get your boss out of town”, we would be sending sweet messages to the stations talking bout “please send our boss to Paris for that trip, he is sooooo hardworking and caring that the only thing we would like to see is him having a holiday of his life……Ps, is there a way we can add on some money so you extend the holiday by like 6 more months, we would appreciate if you could get back to us urgently on the second matter, coz we have the dimes!! Senk u for your co-operation!”

Then on top of waking up early (everyone seems to have this disease), the traffic jam is oba how?? These hummer driving chaps who used to pose on us, now only bring them out on weekends, what with the 20 thou fuel costs for just being stuck in traffic all morning, they were heard murmuring “banange nga this posing is killing my wallet, my ka second girlfriend is complaining that I no longer buy her 2 phones per month, I have to keep this car home before someone takes her!”

So all this was what the King of Kings had in plan when that Adam punk ate the apple! When he said “I shall send your horny asses to earth where u shall till like a problem, u shall waketh up early when u are tired and go to face that punk, called the boss, and u shall suffereth, till u finally dropeth, and come back here for further review”!

Now u see why we should all slap this King of Kings chap!