Marketers in Uganda have the easiest jobs! They don’t need to think much, like we architects, engineers, doctors and presidential advisors! All they have to do is sit and wait for the board to call them in to one of those million “brain storming” sessions to hammer out a new strategy to capture some more market share!
The marketer will just silently sit there for about 15 minutes, silently pondering, thinking about his ex-girlfriend’s ballistic legs for a while, then he will suddenly jump up, arms up in the air in joy, screaming “eureka!! eureka!! (not the chick, but the big idea), he will say “sirs, I have nailed it, we shall start a happy hour!”. The secretary of the meeting will be like “that’s it?? that’s all you’ve been thinking about all this time??”
And he’ll be like “I have the projections right here on my laptop! Sales will double, the profits will increase….and blah blah blah” all that other nonsense marketers jibber jabber on. Warid had it, the rarest of all, with a 12 hour happy hour! They should have reminded the creator of that gimmick, that it was actually “happy hours”!
The problem however started when Fat boyz and Just kicking introduced a “happy hour”, from 5pm to 7pm every weekday! Chaps from all walks of life usually storm the bar at 4.59 pm, neva mind they have to sign out of office at 5pm, then they buy beer by the crate, meanwhile the prices are at 2,500 shillings! But just the fact that they have called it “happy hour”, chaps will gladly buy until 7 pm when the price goes back to 3,000 shillings!
See how easy it is to fool Ugandans? Beers go for 2,500 on an average pricey day in an uptown bar like Kampala Rugby Club! So just say “happy hour” and you shall be stormed with chaps!
The “happy hour” theme is now going to be extended to areas we had never thought of before, like URA will tell all its chaps at Customs in Malaba, something like;
COMMUNIQUE
INTERNAL MEMO
To: All Section heads
Border Customs
Re: Introduction of happy hour
Please all note that every last Friday of the month, every car imported below 2000 cc shall pay taxes at half price, between 3pm and 4pm! Please advise all importers on the new changes!
Signed
Commisioner General
Cc: The Kampala traders association
“ The Kampala pick pockets association
“The presidential advisor on making dimes, and then some.
“Happy hour” has proven to be such a popular thing in Ug that we believe it was used in the scrapping of presidential term limits! The scenario was like;
“Ah, honourables, we have a crucial vote between 3pm and 4pm on the prez term limits bill, we in the ruling government have also scheduled it as our “happy hour”, those that come in and vote for our side, shall get an extra 5 million shillings on the spot! Only those that attend shall be rewarded!
We only hope Kony can give the army a happy hour, he should just send a communiqué saying;
“Alright fellaz, this cat and mouse thing has gone on too long, let me even make things easier for you, I shall be at Ri-kwagba from 5pm to 6 pm! I am giving you my happy hour, if u don’t catch me, those are yours! Al see u soon fellaz!
Apparently, therz “happy hour” right now at Zanzi! Am out, only 20 minutes left!!
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