A novel!

After a long sojourn due to the credit crunch, a ka post has to be snack in before blogspot permanently erases this blog. So since i dint have new material, its for copying from my archives.

A novel!

One of the most annoying things an ardent book reader will ever go thru is getting tired of novels! They are so cliché! Fiction is one work of art that should be strictly left for the movies! This is a real life experience of reading a novel, with what goes on in the head in brackets! Here goes:

Atenyi was born on a cold night in her father’s hut (who gives a shit?), Her father was a Christian, and was one of the wealthiest people in his village (that means he had like a ka container where he sold local brew, aka ‘kwete’! According to rich dad poor bugger, this aint wealth! This chap needs stocks and shit!). She had only sisters, and no brother (ya, we figured that when u said ‘only sisters, punk!!)

Atenyi and her father would regularly sit outside their house, overlooking the Imamu hills, right across their home (ok,now we know the name of the hills, thanks so much, am sure if we didn’t, we would lose the story plot completely! Thanks author) Atenyi would sit on the little wooden stool, while her father preferred the cushioned iron wrought stool (like we care what they liked).

Atenyi’s grandfather, who was fondly known as Taata Apuuli, used to visit the village a lot (where the hell is this story going exactly, Denzel would have put down the script by now, leaving it to Diamond ensemble, or Ebonies, they would call this one Excrutiating Conundrum, Gutuujjo!!)

One Saturday, Taata Apuuli didn’t come by, and Atenyi was very annoyed (the chap was probably on a pint, Atenyi, be serious!) Her father tried to make her happy by singing some of her favourite songs (like, Lollipop, by Lil Wayne) The songs didn’t lift her spirits (she probably was thinking of her chap!) So her father decided to use anatha trick (Facebook??), he took her down to his shop so she could pick out what she wanted (We knew it!!! This shopping kabozi is started by fathers, damn u punks!! Meanwhile, this novel is too boring! Why cant he just get a laptop and give her facebook? Her chap was online!!)

So Atenyi scanned the shop shelves (Really? She didn’t know exactly where what she wanted was? Of course she scanned the bloody shelves! Silly author!) She couldn’t pick between the blue soap and the new perfumed white soap (this silly chick was looking for soap!! We were expecting cologne, or roll-on duo, to remove that stench of walking down all the way to the shop, from Imamu hills!) So she picked the white soap (Wench!) and asked the shop attendant to pack it (yeah, like she would have just walked out!)

When they returned home, there was a surprise for her (a bottle party?) it was her mother, back from the city, with presents (am guessing, the new harry potter series!) Atenyi run and hugged her mother (waste of space here) and both were very happy to see each other (now seriously, there should be age limits on these books, this is a little child’s book!)

Atenyi’s mother rushed back to the house to bring out the presents, that were packed in a box (???) and Atenyi hurried to open her present…………….

At this point, the reader has stopped putting words in brackets, and is sooooo pissed with this crap, that he decides to use this book to light a nearby charcoal stove, to make supper, as a surprise dinner for his daughter, who is sad because her favourite uncle didn’t come to visit!!