The big headline from yesterday’s New Vision, who still claim to be Uganda’s leading daily, just like all radio and TV stations claim the bragging rights to being the No. 1, was a stunner!
Reading the story, I kept checking the name of the paper again and again to confirm it wasn’t the Red Pepper, which is notoriously known for the sexual innuendos in all their stories, like when Gaddafi met the Toro queen, but these chaps took the whole story to the highest levels of sexual proportions!
So, the ‘leading daily’ was reporting on the findings of the MPs that visited the police barracks! All the wives were complaining mbu they are sexually starved! One, who requested anonymity, due to the gravity of her starvation, said that 2 families share a unipot, and so they can’t ‘do it’ when the kids are in. She added, that ‘as a human being, they should understand her situation’ and that ‘she only got her chow privileges when the kids were on holiday and had been sent to the village”
To make the story more ballistic, she said that she couldn’t do this chow kaboozi when the kids are in coz she didn’t want to make noise ‘and how can u enjoy a meal when u are not talking?’, she wondered out loud!
The reporter also added that the police dogs live in better conditions than the officers, ‘coz they even have tarmac leading to their kennels, and the compound for the kennels is very well kept’, plus they eat dog food, of 50,000 bucks each, a day.
Being a policeman is quite crappy, its no wonder that last Sunday at the Ecumenical Church of Christ, located at the barracks, when the priest asked a section of policemen if they believed in re-incarnation, they said “yes”, and when further asked in what form they would like to return to earth in their next life, 90% responded that they would love to return as police dogs, German shepherds to be exact, that way, they would get a once in a lifetime chance of living in a tarmac compound, and eating packaged food!
However, a sex scenario of a common police woman would go thus;
“Daddy Officer, welcome back from the duties! How was it? Well done! I have prepared for you the katogo, and u know what, nga I am hot down there, but the children are going to the village in 2 weeks time, should we go to the latrine for a quick one, anti u know we can’t eat food without talking”
“But mummy, I don’t have the tools right now”
“Officer, I want you to arrest me, for being idle and horny, if u want to make a statement, I have the paper, under my skirt, and right now there is even some ink, people call it worrezz! So handcuff me now, remove my shoes and belt, and take me to solitary detention”
“Aii maaama, but u have to first bribe me, we do that to ALL suspects”
“But daddy, me the other day I heard that a group of lions is called a pride, but a group of Ugandan policemen is called a bribe!! But since u are just alone alone just u yo-wa-selef, just come I bribe u with worrezz, I will be quiet, the children wont hear!!”
“Ok, just bring that bedsheet and we cover”
That’s when the kids come in, with their new dot com stuffs;
“yo pops, just hit it and quit it!!! we gots to sleep dawg!!”
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