The goings on.....

The pursuit of happiness, also known as the pursuit of dimes (Will Smith agrees) has led to the absence from the blog, seeing as the focus had changed to unserious corporate bullshit (anything to live, right?) thank goodness for the inventor of “contracts”.

So what was happening…..oh, Olara Otunnu got a new shirt, FINALLY, and he went to the US to dry clean it for good luck, then Zimwe died, and we were quickly reminded that with him, were 8 billion bucks worth of road patch work contracts, so we brace ourselves for more torn tyres seeing as most roads are square patches of holes.

However, the killa has been chaps complaining endlessly that they are being robbed in taxis. The trick is, u get into a taxi, then the chaps tell u shut the door, so while u are at it, the check yo pockets and remove ALL the 2 thousand bucks you were carrying! These reports forced the police to leap into action, as they like to pose on us, and grab the 2 thousand buck stealing culprits.

It was announced, of the 8 or so chaps they caught yesterday, 6 were women!!!! What gives!!! What about??!!! Women??? Howly????

The police had earlier announced that the newest fad among criminals, the shit that’s in vogue amongst these people of vice, was gang raping. U be there just walking around some dark corner, then u get pounced on and forced into a sexual network with fellas with lice and jiggers, just like that.

Now, since we have recently discovered that chicks may be at the top of the food chain of criminal activity, I am personally going to those dark corners, to get raped by a chick…..now that would be a first!! This will be the first time in the history of history, that rape cases shall never be reported to the police! The IGP in his usual yearly briefings shall be like “we re happy to report that rape has gone down from 4,000 cases last year to only 3 this year, and they were all by the Goodlyfe crew”. Chaps will be lining up at those so-called dark spots waiting their turn to get raped by this band of criminal chicks!

As chicks are busy robbing us in taxis, the Cardinal, yep, the highest representative of God here in Uganda (not even the first lady who spoke to him and made her an MP can say stuff without going thru the cardinal) was recently overheard telling people to produce kids like rabbits.

“Family planning, what’s that shit??? Chow yourselves senseless at any given opportunity, and don’t dare take those funny pills. How come you are not complaining yet u were the seventh born, what if your parents stopped on 2, your lazy ass wouldn’t be here with us now!!”

Several parents with over 9 children suffering from funny diseases last heard of in a science class in Primary school, like freakin marusmus and kwashiakor were seen asking the Cardinal to ask God to send damn dimes for drugs. “If God wants us to have many children, then he must have a stock pile of drugs somewhere to maintain these unfortunate little punks”, they were heard complaining.

Oh shit, here comes that corporate punk that wants his report…………………………………