I really want to be alive when I die…sounds weird, don’t it?….but no, the thing is, am really so curious to know what people will say! Is it because of the fear of the unknown that we be singing praises for dead chaps like they never did an ounce of wrong?
Some people believe that these guys will return to haunt you, should you say some nasty shit, some however, like Richard Pryor, have other ideas, and here’s his sermon (in a preacher's voice);
“We are gathered here today, to pay our last respects, to the dearly departed…he was dearly, and now he’s departed, that’s why we call him the dearly departed, in other words, the nigger’s dead!! As you can see him laying here, av been here 3 days the boy aint moved a muscle, so I know the nigger’s dead! And it seems like death was quite a surprise to his ass, didn’t think you was ever gonna die did u? I told u about fuckin around what was goin to happen!...........However, he faced the ultimate test, as each mane, and womane, shall eventually face, and the ultimate test here, is whether or not u can survive death, that’s the ultimate test for yo ass aint it, and so far, don’t nobody we know, has ever passed this test, least of all this muthafucker laying here, and this boy wasn’t shit al tell you that, he owed the entire neighbourhood money, promised to pay back in drugs and shit, and if you think we goin to bury you with those diamonds on you got another thing coming……….”
In the past week, three “big men” have dearly departed, the Nigerian President, the former FUFA president and well, not necessarily a president but the guy in charge of our roads. During their times, no one really said anything good about these guys. The former FUFA guy was vilified all the way to prison by journalists, but the nice shit they have been writing about him lately makes you wonder whether this was the same person you thought you knew.
The Zimwe guy was blamed for the pathetic state of our roads and chaps were calling for all his contracts to be cancelled, but the way they all turned up at his burial…..
See, that’s why I want to be alive when I die, so I se what these punks will say…I know I have your dimes, but be prepared to say I was the most honest man u had ever seen…..i sent late night messages to your wife but I know u’ll say my own wife could never have asked for a better husband……..i stole government dimes and you dropped me from the government but I know u’ll say I was the most patriotic Ugandan u’d ever seen, always ready for duty whenever the country called.
The shit we do for the dearly departed!!
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