Ultimately the kids will one day take over power, the so-called generation Y, we being the Generation X characters. But am imagining what the chaos will be like when these little pumpkins, brains adulterated by MTV and Cineplex movies have a press conference as the President;
Reporter: Mr President, why did u arrest the main opposition leader on charges of rape?
Prez: Yo dawg, dawg, why u have to do me like that, aksing me the real hard shit! Anyway, this cat commited a crime, and the law is not segregative to none o y’all!
Reporter: What about the minister parliament censured and u returned to cabinet?
Prez: Caz he’s my bwaaaaiiii!! Dawg, he’s my boy, from like way back when u cowards were hiding under yo beds, while we were chilling in the bush, flexing the ol ass regime of that ldi Amin fool!
Reporter: What about the Kony rebels?
Prez: Ma Nizzle, those cowards are just a bunch of bi-a-tches and whores, getting their dimes from outside the country and shit. To me, they are just bollocks, next que-ck-stion!
Reporter: Now that URA is hitting it’s targets, shall we see better roads?
Prez: Yo, I know those cats have managed to raise the loot we need, but dawg, these donors are up on our ass, like a problem, telling us shit like where to squander the loot, in areas like health and agrizzo!! Dawg, I need to get me a new set of bazzokas and shit, and play War theft Auto up in this great lakes piece, waaduup!!!
Reporter: But Sir, what about the….
Interruption;
Prez: Don’t call me sir fool, I beez the the shiznit of a prez, dawg! U dig??
Reporter: Yes, Mr Shiznit!
Prez: Now get up outta my face, I gots to buzz, my hommies from the ministry of secuzzo and finizzo tell me they gat some loot, from some wetland deal with NSSF, so ama be up and outta here till the next quek-sion time, PEACE OUT!!!
Friday, October 31, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Speed Dating
On a stray Tuesday, I went to Catch the sun, aka Kwata omusana, for a ki lazy pint! What I found in store baffled my mind, some stuff I last saw in some series! Why are we copy cats, everything we see in the movies must somehow become part of our culture!
First was “the royal ascot goat races”, which traces its roots to the “royal ascot horse races” of England, that were commemorating something royal about ascots, now we have the same shit, without any presence of any royals whatsoever, just chicks wearing hats to look exactly like the English ceremony!
Then we got “Halloween”, that had 2 celebrations, one at the Venue, then at the Kampala Casino, and they actually got large audiences with chaps in scary attire, ask them what they are celebrating and they’ll be like “it’s a ceremony everyone must attend!”. Then valentines, then Christmas, and other stuffs! These were understandable.
What killed me however was “speed dating”. The idea is to have 12 people, 6 chicks and 6 guys, the chicks sit at their tables, and the guys have to move around talking to each one of them, in a space of 3 minutes. When the bell goes off, u move on to the next, the cycle continuing for say, 3 times, then at the end of this ridiculous exercise, the chick chooses whoever she liked best, or vice versa.
I wanted to mess up this thing so I called some chap who had been practicing his dating moves on the net, just so he could mess up this experience such that speed dating neva returns to our 7 hills, like Halooween, so here’s how it went!
Date no. 1;
She: Hi!
Him: Hi!
She: Am Jackie.
Him: Well done!
She: Excuse me!
Him: How is there?
She: Where?
Him: Where u put up!
She: What? Get outta here!
Cling! Three minutes is up! Next
She: So like, whats yo mission in life?
Him: Am going to make a secret formula that will be sprayed all over the world, this will make all people bow down for me, and I will take over the world….muhuhahahahaha…muhuhahahahaha…muhuhahaha!!!!
She: What do u spend yo day doing, watch cartoons, get outta here!
Cling! Three minutes is up! Next
Him: Yo, is yo father a terrorist?
She: That is so lame, and cliché, everyone knows that line? Do u research yo lines on the internet? U are too weak!
Him: Can I finish?
She: Get outta here!!
It is at this point that the referee threw out contstant numero deaux, for being TOO WEAK!! I have no idea if this thing still takes place, why don’t u go there and find out, and please forget those internet lines, senk u for yo time folks!!
First was “the royal ascot goat races”, which traces its roots to the “royal ascot horse races” of England, that were commemorating something royal about ascots, now we have the same shit, without any presence of any royals whatsoever, just chicks wearing hats to look exactly like the English ceremony!
Then we got “Halloween”, that had 2 celebrations, one at the Venue, then at the Kampala Casino, and they actually got large audiences with chaps in scary attire, ask them what they are celebrating and they’ll be like “it’s a ceremony everyone must attend!”. Then valentines, then Christmas, and other stuffs! These were understandable.
What killed me however was “speed dating”. The idea is to have 12 people, 6 chicks and 6 guys, the chicks sit at their tables, and the guys have to move around talking to each one of them, in a space of 3 minutes. When the bell goes off, u move on to the next, the cycle continuing for say, 3 times, then at the end of this ridiculous exercise, the chick chooses whoever she liked best, or vice versa.
I wanted to mess up this thing so I called some chap who had been practicing his dating moves on the net, just so he could mess up this experience such that speed dating neva returns to our 7 hills, like Halooween, so here’s how it went!
Date no. 1;
She: Hi!
Him: Hi!
She: Am Jackie.
Him: Well done!
She: Excuse me!
Him: How is there?
She: Where?
Him: Where u put up!
She: What? Get outta here!
Cling! Three minutes is up! Next
She: So like, whats yo mission in life?
Him: Am going to make a secret formula that will be sprayed all over the world, this will make all people bow down for me, and I will take over the world….muhuhahahahaha…muhuhahahahaha…muhuhahaha!!!!
She: What do u spend yo day doing, watch cartoons, get outta here!
Cling! Three minutes is up! Next
Him: Yo, is yo father a terrorist?
She: That is so lame, and cliché, everyone knows that line? Do u research yo lines on the internet? U are too weak!
Him: Can I finish?
She: Get outta here!!
It is at this point that the referee threw out contstant numero deaux, for being TOO WEAK!! I have no idea if this thing still takes place, why don’t u go there and find out, and please forget those internet lines, senk u for yo time folks!!
Goma!!
It must be hard work living in Goma, what with the endless fighting, earthquakes, a deadly volcanic eruption 2 years ago, an ebola outbreak, no central government, and now to top it all up, a one Laurent Nkunda decides to open a war in that area!
What beats everyone’s understanding is all these rebel chaps saying they are fighting for their people, but in the real sense are causing untold mayhem to the people they claim to be fighting for. In this week, thousands of people, who Mr Nkunda is fighting for, have been displaced from their homes, when mortar shells, bullets and other war stuff was sent to their neighbourhoods. The people in turn attacked the UN base in the area, accusing the UN of being UN-helpful, UN –reliable, UN –serious and totally UN –bothered by their plight!
We hope for better ways to solve our issues, rather than killing chaps who happen to be thriving on trade. Sani Abacha, got it coming his way when he over dosed on Viagra and died in the act of a chow, and as someone put it, he came and went at the same time!!
Lets send Nkunda some Viagra!
What beats everyone’s understanding is all these rebel chaps saying they are fighting for their people, but in the real sense are causing untold mayhem to the people they claim to be fighting for. In this week, thousands of people, who Mr Nkunda is fighting for, have been displaced from their homes, when mortar shells, bullets and other war stuff was sent to their neighbourhoods. The people in turn attacked the UN base in the area, accusing the UN of being UN-helpful, UN –reliable, UN –serious and totally UN –bothered by their plight!
We hope for better ways to solve our issues, rather than killing chaps who happen to be thriving on trade. Sani Abacha, got it coming his way when he over dosed on Viagra and died in the act of a chow, and as someone put it, he came and went at the same time!!
Lets send Nkunda some Viagra!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
In the Noose
In today’s Gazzette, which like the villagers aforementioned, was a newspaper of the 70’s and now every paper is a gazette, are some very interesting revelations from the police and government, in a very lousy attempt to explain the rampant accidents occurring on Ugandas roads, and heres what the buggers had to say;
1- Cars are in very dangerous conditions, so people should fork out more money to buy tyres, and newers cars.
2- Drivers are drink driving like a problem.
3- Women dressed in mini-skirts are causing drivers to knock pedestrians!
The fourth bloody excuse they gave I didn’t even bother to read, coz I was having concerns of my own like;
1- the roads are too nasty, these things are no longer pot holes, heck, homeless people are having such a blast using them as bunkers by night, and they blame the cars!
2- These irritants called boda bodas, second only to flies at lunch time in a kafunda in Wandegeya, are causing untold mayhem to drivers, probably worse than mini-skirt wearing chicks. They simply ride however they want, even at least bees have trafiic flows!
3- This drink driving excuse, I know for one the bus that knocked 5 cars at Mengo was like at 3pm, the Lugazi accident, which happened as a direct impact from the dodging of a pot hole, was like at 7 pm! Theres no Happy Hour at any bar before these said times, so why bother us??
Am going to join government soon, coz I really also need to air out nonsense in public!
In international news, Obama leads in polls, suicide blast in a market in Kabul, Sudanese abduct 6 aid workers in Darfur, Hamas shells Israel with mortar rockets, Mugabe refuses to step down, elections rigged in yet anatha African country. Nothing new really, u can go bak to work !!
1- Cars are in very dangerous conditions, so people should fork out more money to buy tyres, and newers cars.
2- Drivers are drink driving like a problem.
3- Women dressed in mini-skirts are causing drivers to knock pedestrians!
The fourth bloody excuse they gave I didn’t even bother to read, coz I was having concerns of my own like;
1- the roads are too nasty, these things are no longer pot holes, heck, homeless people are having such a blast using them as bunkers by night, and they blame the cars!
2- These irritants called boda bodas, second only to flies at lunch time in a kafunda in Wandegeya, are causing untold mayhem to drivers, probably worse than mini-skirt wearing chicks. They simply ride however they want, even at least bees have trafiic flows!
3- This drink driving excuse, I know for one the bus that knocked 5 cars at Mengo was like at 3pm, the Lugazi accident, which happened as a direct impact from the dodging of a pot hole, was like at 7 pm! Theres no Happy Hour at any bar before these said times, so why bother us??
Am going to join government soon, coz I really also need to air out nonsense in public!
In international news, Obama leads in polls, suicide blast in a market in Kabul, Sudanese abduct 6 aid workers in Darfur, Hamas shells Israel with mortar rockets, Mugabe refuses to step down, elections rigged in yet anatha African country. Nothing new really, u can go bak to work !!
Village Branding
When I retired a couple of years back, I glanced over this Mahatma Ghandi quote that said “Be the change that you want the world to be”!
At first glance, NEVA to click that ballistic kazungu, so always to read it 3 times over, then went “aaaahhhhhh, kumbe that’s what it is!”
The world I want is for the villages of Africa to develop, at least to a level where urbanites and villagers can have a sensible conversation, before the villager can reach his favourite part of meeting any urbanite, the part where he goes “Boss, help me wiz 10 souzand, to pay the school fees”, and u be like “why the hell did u get 15 kids, in 4 years? who exactly did u have in mind to pay the bills, PUNK!!”
So to avoid the above scenario, I retreated to my village in Serere, and set up a container to sell funny little bu things, like soap, salt and toothpaste. Now villagers are really behind on this English thing, especially the stuff called branding, they still think it’s a singer, who did “I wanna be down”, in 1994! This is where I have problems with these corporate pumpkins known as brand managers! They just be here in Kampala driving around new company cars, probably a pickup, painted all with the company logos, they wear their identity cards around their necks, some even add on a flash disk and a phone to their neck attire, walk around with blackberries, and have bullshit kabozi like “Yo, can u imagine these idiots put me in red pepper, page 4 on the bottom left side, mbu I have a new beemer, sijui mbu I bought it direct from Germany, these bu chaps are idiots!! Someone should give them real work to do, just buy the paper and see for yo self!!”
(After calling the red pepper to confirm this outburst, the reporters showed them an email from Mr Corporate above sending a picture of the car and the amount!)
Anyway, let me first leave these guys and take u back to Serere. Now here I am in my ka container and in comes customer numero une! (The following has been translated to English, due to the fact that the pronunciations of the words have an alphabet not yet devised on a keyboard, but I will try to put as they said)
“Goodmorningy boss, I wanty the cologate!”
I hand over a tube of colgate
“No no no no no, I wanty the ada one which is red!!”
“Close-up?”
“Yes, that colgate which is close up, even give me that pepsi brrrrr!”
“Lady, cocacola is brrrrr, not pepsi”
“U Kampala people, u think we are stupid! I know the pepsi I want, the Coke pepsi!
If u meet the brand manager of Close up or Coca cola, tell him to drag his ass upcountry and stop wasting time here swinging Ids and flash disks, things are tight down there! I have since returned!!!
At first glance, NEVA to click that ballistic kazungu, so always to read it 3 times over, then went “aaaahhhhhh, kumbe that’s what it is!”
The world I want is for the villages of Africa to develop, at least to a level where urbanites and villagers can have a sensible conversation, before the villager can reach his favourite part of meeting any urbanite, the part where he goes “Boss, help me wiz 10 souzand, to pay the school fees”, and u be like “why the hell did u get 15 kids, in 4 years? who exactly did u have in mind to pay the bills, PUNK!!”
So to avoid the above scenario, I retreated to my village in Serere, and set up a container to sell funny little bu things, like soap, salt and toothpaste. Now villagers are really behind on this English thing, especially the stuff called branding, they still think it’s a singer, who did “I wanna be down”, in 1994! This is where I have problems with these corporate pumpkins known as brand managers! They just be here in Kampala driving around new company cars, probably a pickup, painted all with the company logos, they wear their identity cards around their necks, some even add on a flash disk and a phone to their neck attire, walk around with blackberries, and have bullshit kabozi like “Yo, can u imagine these idiots put me in red pepper, page 4 on the bottom left side, mbu I have a new beemer, sijui mbu I bought it direct from Germany, these bu chaps are idiots!! Someone should give them real work to do, just buy the paper and see for yo self!!”
(After calling the red pepper to confirm this outburst, the reporters showed them an email from Mr Corporate above sending a picture of the car and the amount!)
Anyway, let me first leave these guys and take u back to Serere. Now here I am in my ka container and in comes customer numero une! (The following has been translated to English, due to the fact that the pronunciations of the words have an alphabet not yet devised on a keyboard, but I will try to put as they said)
“Goodmorningy boss, I wanty the cologate!”
I hand over a tube of colgate
“No no no no no, I wanty the ada one which is red!!”
“Close-up?”
“Yes, that colgate which is close up, even give me that pepsi brrrrr!”
“Lady, cocacola is brrrrr, not pepsi”
“U Kampala people, u think we are stupid! I know the pepsi I want, the Coke pepsi!
If u meet the brand manager of Close up or Coca cola, tell him to drag his ass upcountry and stop wasting time here swinging Ids and flash disks, things are tight down there! I have since returned!!!
African Reconciliations
Africa should be re-named “peace talks”, what with all these reconciliations that never end, or maybe its time for all the old geezers to step aside for we hip, young Obamas to run the show. In Kenya, there were peace talks, the old geezer refused to leave, but his understudy realised he was wasting time, so he settled for Prime minister, which is not entirely bad, coz when we were growing up and were sending love letters, we would be like “you are the prime minister of my heart”, not the Prezident!!! So he picked a few tips from this.
In Zimbabwe, the situation gets more precarious by the day! I still don’t get how u can line up for bread, and just let things be! I would have been rioting on a daily! And they even have the audacity to send a chap to the big brother house, what the hell will he do if he won the 100 thousand dollars? Buy a packet of buns for his family? Or better yet, buy extra salt to last 2 weeks?
Now this Mugabe chap, I always defend him when I sense a presence of the British, coz he is our son, but when it comes to a one on one, WHAT THE HELL OLD MAN? Just today they announced that SADC, a conglomerate of some South African countries had failed to mediate, now they want the mediation to be done by the entire African continent! Then after that, the show will be taken to the UN for world talks, then after all this has failed Neil Armstrong will be re-called from retirement to take Morgan and Mugabe to the moon, where a summit of all space creatures shall do the mediation. Yoda, the little green chap from Star Wars, will start the proceedings;
Yoda: I sense a force of failed reconciliation, induce u to the jedi knight, I shall.
Mugabe: We shall not sell our country to traitors, like Morgan here.
Yoda: Reconcile u, I will! Give bak the farms to the whites, I propose! Feed the nation, u shall!
Morgan: Wama me, I only want the ministry which has the police, coz am tired of being battered and arrested and my passport confiscated!
Anakin Skywalker: Greetings earthlings, u chaps are always fighting. I sent my spirits to Joseph Kony, but he has refused to listen. I sent the spirits to Laurent Nkunda, but he is practically not on my shit! I sent the sprits Omar El Warid Wahab Bashir in Darfur, neva to answer my call. Heck, I even sent the spirits to “the professional kampala rioters and noise makers inc”, but they said they were receiving more dimes from an un named source, just to riot! The council suggests we take over earth!
Mugabe: We shall resist any outside force.
Grace Mugabe: Hold on darling, maybe they will bring more shopping malls for me to get fancier stuff. Let them come please please please!!
Mugabe: OK!!
Yoda: May the force be with u!!
In Zimbabwe, the situation gets more precarious by the day! I still don’t get how u can line up for bread, and just let things be! I would have been rioting on a daily! And they even have the audacity to send a chap to the big brother house, what the hell will he do if he won the 100 thousand dollars? Buy a packet of buns for his family? Or better yet, buy extra salt to last 2 weeks?
Now this Mugabe chap, I always defend him when I sense a presence of the British, coz he is our son, but when it comes to a one on one, WHAT THE HELL OLD MAN? Just today they announced that SADC, a conglomerate of some South African countries had failed to mediate, now they want the mediation to be done by the entire African continent! Then after that, the show will be taken to the UN for world talks, then after all this has failed Neil Armstrong will be re-called from retirement to take Morgan and Mugabe to the moon, where a summit of all space creatures shall do the mediation. Yoda, the little green chap from Star Wars, will start the proceedings;
Yoda: I sense a force of failed reconciliation, induce u to the jedi knight, I shall.
Mugabe: We shall not sell our country to traitors, like Morgan here.
Yoda: Reconcile u, I will! Give bak the farms to the whites, I propose! Feed the nation, u shall!
Morgan: Wama me, I only want the ministry which has the police, coz am tired of being battered and arrested and my passport confiscated!
Anakin Skywalker: Greetings earthlings, u chaps are always fighting. I sent my spirits to Joseph Kony, but he has refused to listen. I sent the spirits to Laurent Nkunda, but he is practically not on my shit! I sent the sprits Omar El Warid Wahab Bashir in Darfur, neva to answer my call. Heck, I even sent the spirits to “the professional kampala rioters and noise makers inc”, but they said they were receiving more dimes from an un named source, just to riot! The council suggests we take over earth!
Mugabe: We shall resist any outside force.
Grace Mugabe: Hold on darling, maybe they will bring more shopping malls for me to get fancier stuff. Let them come please please please!!
Mugabe: OK!!
Yoda: May the force be with u!!
Monday, October 27, 2008
Church - crusher!
If u are saved, don’t read this, I still love the reputation u had of me, prior to this experience I had on a stray Sunday!
Now the thing is, there are so many make-shift churches cropping up from Ntinda all the way to Bweyogerere and Bugolobi, where the majority of Ugandans live, thanks to the “Free trade zone” the government has given to ANY church in the country, that means, don’t pay taxes, as long as your business revolves around using the bible as guidance, unlike those other businesses that worship books like “Think and grow rich”, “Rich Dad’s Cash flow Quadrant” and any book written by Donald Trump, yes, all the 73 of them!
Today’s story however occurred on a Sunday, when this make shift church went up, right across the road from where I live (“where I put up”, a local chick would say). Now I awoke at 9am, a strange hour for a retired chap, awoken not by the alarm clock, that was clearly set to 1pm, Zanzi time! The alarm sounds this time were the recognizable tunes of pianos, mixed with drums and strange noises that came in from people that sounded possessed, coz they were just confusing noises!
In an instant, I jumped out of my sticky sheets, since I had been sweating from a dream, where I was going to be cooked and eaten by the Marabu tribe of the Wachote clan, located in Australia (I bet u were picturing an African chiefdom, no, these were white Australian chaps!) and their noises were coherent with the church sound across the road. So I leap to the gate, to peep at what was going on, neva to just open the gate, since I had just been watching “Sometimes in April”, and whoever opened the gate suffered the fate of the Egyptian first borns who didn’t put a cross over their houses with lamb blood during those cursing years of Moses!
Anywho, I see people through the make-shift church windows, banging the walls of the church, walking around like they were trying to find the nearest exit, but just couldn’t. I remembered the Kanungu saga where all “followers” of the Prophet Kibwetere were burnt with no help, so I thought these chaps were on fire. By some bad omen, I also saw smoke come out of the church, which I later learnt was called inces, or some shit like that, normally used for prayer. One more letter, and that would have been INCEST!!
So I run to the church, to save all these innocent souls. The plan was to break into the windows and pull them out one by one, thus becoming their new saviour! I run to the door, and it looked closed, but not locked, so I pull it open, and everything comes to a sudden halt!! Quiet like a problem!! Everyone staring at me, even the music stops! The pastor came out to me, and led me to the front side, everyone looking, then he exclaimed “Our prayers have worked, this is salvation for anatha sinner, God has brought him here, lets help this helpless boy”
I said “whoa, hold your brakes sir, pastor, prophet, or whatever it is that u masquerade as, I am here to save U, from the inferno!”
“Son, its ok, we have seen more confused souls than yourself, just repent, accept Jesus in your life and u shall be born again”
“Says who” I ask,
“Jesus said it, John chapter 3 verse 3 Jesus replied "I will tell you the truth, unless you are born again, you cannot see the Kingdom of God”
I quckly interject, “but unfortunately u didn’t say the rest of the context in which he said it, coz he also says in chapter 4 to 7 which goes,
4 - "What do you mean?" exclaimed Nicodemus. "How can an old man go back into his mother's womb and be born again?"
5 - Jesus replied, "I assure you, no one can enter the Kingdom of God without being born of water and the spirit.
6 - Humans can reproduce only human life, but the Holy Spirit gives birth to spiritual life.
7 - So don't be surprised when I say, "You must be born again".
As a seventh day absentist, I rememba that water stuffs when I was still young, was washed over me by the local parish priest, so liv me alone!! I was born again! Even every 31st of March of every year, am born again. Even every Christmas, Jesus is born again! Sori for bothering u, I was just trying to help, but can u please keep yo volume down, I have to be asleep till 1pm, kapish??
Now the thing is, there are so many make-shift churches cropping up from Ntinda all the way to Bweyogerere and Bugolobi, where the majority of Ugandans live, thanks to the “Free trade zone” the government has given to ANY church in the country, that means, don’t pay taxes, as long as your business revolves around using the bible as guidance, unlike those other businesses that worship books like “Think and grow rich”, “Rich Dad’s Cash flow Quadrant” and any book written by Donald Trump, yes, all the 73 of them!
Today’s story however occurred on a Sunday, when this make shift church went up, right across the road from where I live (“where I put up”, a local chick would say). Now I awoke at 9am, a strange hour for a retired chap, awoken not by the alarm clock, that was clearly set to 1pm, Zanzi time! The alarm sounds this time were the recognizable tunes of pianos, mixed with drums and strange noises that came in from people that sounded possessed, coz they were just confusing noises!
In an instant, I jumped out of my sticky sheets, since I had been sweating from a dream, where I was going to be cooked and eaten by the Marabu tribe of the Wachote clan, located in Australia (I bet u were picturing an African chiefdom, no, these were white Australian chaps!) and their noises were coherent with the church sound across the road. So I leap to the gate, to peep at what was going on, neva to just open the gate, since I had just been watching “Sometimes in April”, and whoever opened the gate suffered the fate of the Egyptian first borns who didn’t put a cross over their houses with lamb blood during those cursing years of Moses!
Anywho, I see people through the make-shift church windows, banging the walls of the church, walking around like they were trying to find the nearest exit, but just couldn’t. I remembered the Kanungu saga where all “followers” of the Prophet Kibwetere were burnt with no help, so I thought these chaps were on fire. By some bad omen, I also saw smoke come out of the church, which I later learnt was called inces, or some shit like that, normally used for prayer. One more letter, and that would have been INCEST!!
So I run to the church, to save all these innocent souls. The plan was to break into the windows and pull them out one by one, thus becoming their new saviour! I run to the door, and it looked closed, but not locked, so I pull it open, and everything comes to a sudden halt!! Quiet like a problem!! Everyone staring at me, even the music stops! The pastor came out to me, and led me to the front side, everyone looking, then he exclaimed “Our prayers have worked, this is salvation for anatha sinner, God has brought him here, lets help this helpless boy”
I said “whoa, hold your brakes sir, pastor, prophet, or whatever it is that u masquerade as, I am here to save U, from the inferno!”
“Son, its ok, we have seen more confused souls than yourself, just repent, accept Jesus in your life and u shall be born again”
“Says who” I ask,
“Jesus said it, John chapter 3 verse 3 Jesus replied "I will tell you the truth, unless you are born again, you cannot see the Kingdom of God”
I quckly interject, “but unfortunately u didn’t say the rest of the context in which he said it, coz he also says in chapter 4 to 7 which goes,
4 - "What do you mean?" exclaimed Nicodemus. "How can an old man go back into his mother's womb and be born again?"
5 - Jesus replied, "I assure you, no one can enter the Kingdom of God without being born of water and the spirit.
6 - Humans can reproduce only human life, but the Holy Spirit gives birth to spiritual life.
7 - So don't be surprised when I say, "You must be born again".
As a seventh day absentist, I rememba that water stuffs when I was still young, was washed over me by the local parish priest, so liv me alone!! I was born again! Even every 31st of March of every year, am born again. Even every Christmas, Jesus is born again! Sori for bothering u, I was just trying to help, but can u please keep yo volume down, I have to be asleep till 1pm, kapish??
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