Speed Dating

On a stray Tuesday, I went to Catch the sun, aka Kwata omusana, for a ki lazy pint! What I found in store baffled my mind, some stuff I last saw in some series! Why are we copy cats, everything we see in the movies must somehow become part of our culture!

First was “the royal ascot goat races”, which traces its roots to the “royal ascot horse races” of England, that were commemorating something royal about ascots, now we have the same shit, without any presence of any royals whatsoever, just chicks wearing hats to look exactly like the English ceremony!

Then we got “Halloween”, that had 2 celebrations, one at the Venue, then at the Kampala Casino, and they actually got large audiences with chaps in scary attire, ask them what they are celebrating and they’ll be like “it’s a ceremony everyone must attend!”. Then valentines, then Christmas, and other stuffs! These were understandable.

What killed me however was “speed dating”. The idea is to have 12 people, 6 chicks and 6 guys, the chicks sit at their tables, and the guys have to move around talking to each one of them, in a space of 3 minutes. When the bell goes off, u move on to the next, the cycle continuing for say, 3 times, then at the end of this ridiculous exercise, the chick chooses whoever she liked best, or vice versa.

I wanted to mess up this thing so I called some chap who had been practicing his dating moves on the net, just so he could mess up this experience such that speed dating neva returns to our 7 hills, like Halooween, so here’s how it went!

Date no. 1;
She: Hi!
Him: Hi!
She: Am Jackie.
Him: Well done!
She: Excuse me!
Him: How is there?
She: Where?
Him: Where u put up!
She: What? Get outta here!

Cling! Three minutes is up! Next

She: So like, whats yo mission in life?
Him: Am going to make a secret formula that will be sprayed all over the world, this will make all people bow down for me, and I will take over the world….muhuhahahahaha…muhuhahahahaha…muhuhahaha!!!!
She: What do u spend yo day doing, watch cartoons, get outta here!

Cling! Three minutes is up! Next

Him: Yo, is yo father a terrorist?
She: That is so lame, and cliché, everyone knows that line? Do u research yo lines on the internet? U are too weak!
Him: Can I finish?
She: Get outta here!!

It is at this point that the referee threw out contstant numero deaux, for being TOO WEAK!! I have no idea if this thing still takes place, why don’t u go there and find out, and please forget those internet lines, senk u for yo time folks!!