Corporate life

A corporate’s life!

Its early on Tuesday morning, at 6.30 am that they all rise. The next 10 minutes are spent in bed, cursing why they didn’t have better jobs, and counting the days left till Friday! But as the sun rises, they realise they REALLY have to get out of bed, and hit the showers.

20 minutes later, they are in a heavy traffic jam, from Naalya to Bugolobi, no one is spared the nightmare of Uganda’s urban murram roads, which the colonialists left as tarmac roads, and which they briefly returned to see as tarmac, during the CHOGM time, but the dyed sand that was thrown over the holes to make it look like roads has since been washed away by the rains, and we are back to usual business!

The drive to work is characterised by the morning shows, which have outdone each other in terms of copying content, its always a guy and a chick presenting, and they incessantly have to argue about anything that runs thru their minds, and for some strange reason, they never agree, not on any single issue! This nightmare is spread across all the stations, u get to listen to strictly 1 song between 7.30 and 8, the rest is just gibber jabber, spoiling yo day early!

The dreadful walk to office from the parking lot, or from the gate where that boda boda chap has just dropped em off, depending on the loan one has acquired, involves signing in at the gate, with that ID, that doubles as a swipe card that records the time of arrival as one swipes! The first thing on reaching office is to open the computer, and check personal mails, since internet connections have been cut off, only emails are the source of connection to the outside world! As the first mail opens, that boss, whom EVERYBODY hates, walks in, murmuring “goodmorning”, to very few replies, if at all any! He then begins calling everyone, one by one “come see me”, for the usual garbage!

“Did u send the interim reports to SM? (Sales Manager, for u informal charcoal sellers!)

“Yes Sir, I actually had them photocopied, and sent to GM, KLM, CEO and COO!”

“Ok great, now I need u to send me an email of all the activities u shall be doing today, copy to FOO, DCO and GFX! Send a memo of yesterdays sales report and gravity checks from the COO to me. Don’t forget to cc and bcc all department heads, and section heads as well, kay???”

“Yes Sir”

“And oh, don’t forget u have customer care training next week, then after that a retreat for all executives, so send me your itenary for next week, and any expense requisitions, stamped by accounts and approved by Finance and the cashier, ASAP!”

“Yes Sir!”

This crap goes on till Friday, when finally, FREEDOM, they get to wear shirts with company logos, jeans and sandals. PHEWKS, no cufflinks! This day is usually shorter, so by 4.30 they are all headed to where its “happening”, where all people who are somebody are there. The cars are Hondas, Subarus and Premios, that have been recently acquired thanks to the Stanbic Car Loan, and they live in the flats, thanks to the Housing Finance Mortgage plan! The place to be is Fat Boyz and Rugby club, the gadget is the ipod, and the phone is the blackberry!

On Saturday morning, the plan is to call all the friends and be like “Zone 7 was on flames, man I pinted like 2 crates, we were bbbbllllaaaaazzzzzeeeedddd!!! U should have been there, man this chap was on the tables, by the time we reached Silo at 6am, man the bouncers just let us in for free!”

On Sunday afternoon, they will be spotted at Zanzi, wearing Khaki shorts and a striped t-shirt, holding a copy of the Sunday newspaper, and sometimes, just sometimes, with a kid in tow, the first born probably! The story will be exactly like the one aforementioned….”last nite we got bbbbbblllllaaazzzzeddddd!!”

Sunday evening, the WORST, coz “shit, tomorrow is bullshit Monday, I have to iron my shirt, and get ready to make reports and email them, am going to resign ANYTIME!!”

Monday – Some king has died, it’s a public holiday, the radio announces “…………..WWHHOOOOOAAAAA, RUGBY CLUB ANYONE??????????????”


A rhyme for the boss

I hate the boss,
We should throw him in a river
No one would feel the loss,
Or maybe wish him a case of the bad fever,
Or even cancer of the liver,
Why are they always mean,
All their words just obscene,
Yet despite all our hard work,
They still threaten us with the sack,
But we remain upbeat,
For one day we shall occupy their seat,
When they fail to handle the heat,
Of the bonfire we shall have lit,
By deliberately not doing shit,
And sending wrong report sheets,
He will scream blackmail,
But we shall organise thru email,
To send him to his hell,
Or just drown him in a well,
Maybe send him to a cell,
For the stocks he wanted to sell,
But the whistle blew before the sound of the bell,
And he was arrested before he could tell,
We all wish he rots in jail!!!