The outgoing US idiot of a president and his administration have glaring similarities with the Vatican establishment in terms of how they run their duties, so “Dabya” as we Africans would spell it, is a strong contender t be the next “head of house” of the Vatican and this is how he would do it;
First off, he would declare “Osama Bin Satan” the chief terrorist of the world, and his agency “Al-hell”, the biggest terrorist organisation in the world! He would tell as that this organisation is not a direct enemy you can simply wipe out, and they are spreading their beliefs to many wanna be converts, by convincing them to drink lots of beer, and teaching them how to spread terror in dance halls by buying lots of alcohol and weed!
Dabya would increase the terror level by switching the terror colour every week, believers shall in the process learn all the other colours that are not in the rainbow! “this week the terror level is magenta” “that’s a colour?” “Yeah, as if purple, but not quite, however the point is, the terror level has increased” “why” “coz u bloody followers have reduced on the amounts u give as tithe, donations went down 5 per cent in the last religious quarter and “Al hell” is converting most of u to “porn again” beliefs! This is dangerous for our religion”
A week later, the terror colour would turn to “mag-nipple”! “that’s a colour?” “why do u idiots keep asking about the colour, instead of the terror alert reason?” “Coz we are growing more confused” “Ok, u seventh day absentists, mag-nipple is in between mangenta and purple, coz purple is at a higher threat level” “so why the alert this time” “Apparently Bin Satan has sent in other rogue angels that defected with him, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan, don’t let their stupid brains fool ya, they are here to convert some of u to their porn-again beliefs!”
Dabya will easily be elected pope, coz his looks are not exactly much different from the current one. He will take on the name Pope George the “cuter, but not quite”. This factor will enable to sway the female vote to Al Hell, since they usually like cute chaps, which explains why Denzel Washingtons movies are huge hits, neva mind they don’t remember the titles, the plot or how the movie ended!
George “Dabya” Bush will endorse a military campaign in the caves of “underground”, where Bin Satan has been hiding since, well, ever!! However, underground is fire itself, so the bombs will only meet more fire, which wont be exactly an effective tool in fighting Al Hell. Tithe will be increased to 70% of believer’s incomes, after statutory deductions by the state, so that the Vatican can increase military spending. Jeb will be named the second in command, overseeing the area of electing cardinals, where the ballots will be rigged to allow Dick Cheney to be the next in line to be Pope, and prayers for disasters like Katrina will be said about a year after the disasters!
Confessions will no longer be required, as the Vatican will now pass a bill where wiretaps are installed on ALL people’s communications, phones, emails, conversations in bars and just about anywhere, so all sins will be forgiven depending on the support for military spending! “just say 5 “hail Barbara Bush’s” and donate to our military campaign, and your sins are forgiven!
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