The Dark Hoodlum

I saw Apuwa at the misty bar at the Serena Hotel, sitting on her own. She soon walked over to where I was sitting and gave me that look, as if the one in movies, where a chap is seated at the bar, and the chick walks over, (am sori, in the movies, the chap walks to the chick, but this is MY movie GODAMIT!!)

Anywho, Apuwa was a black and beautifull Gell, pronounced like the pint Bell. U know how that Zimbabwean messed up the song, blak and beautiful gell. This chick was dark, she used kiwi as a lotion, no no, she made crude oil look light, no scratch that, this chick would let in robbers to her house, then just lies back on her couch, and the robbers, NEVA TO SEE THE CHICK! Am sure in school when the lights would flicker during prep, chaps would start shouting “absorber, absorbee….absorber!!”

But nonetheless, she was smashing!!

Bak to the misty bar, she, always to introduce her-se-lef!
“Hi am Apuwa”
“Jack here, second name Daniels” (too WEAK, I know, but I said it)
“Well done!”………AM lying, she neva said that!
“So u are all by yo self huh?” …..That, she said!
“Yeah, I come here alone, cant afford a second person, the prices are for Zimbabwe!”
“I came with my dude but he seems to be taking forever in the loos”
“maybe he ate some crazy stuff he neva ate before”
“Nah, we only took a couple of drinks..”
“Did u get the bill?”
“Talk about it, he actually walked out as soon as it came!”
“U don’t say?”
“Oh yes I say!”
“U’ve been flim flamed!”
“Hoodwinked”
“Conned”
“U can say that again”
“Conned”
“No silly, that’s an expression!”

It was at this point that I realized 2 things!
1- I wasn’t as ballistic as previously expressed in this movie, the chick was just stranded!
2- The chick became puzzled, bamboozled…..and any other ….zzled’s out there!


So me always to be chilling there in my glee, happy about the fact that I strayed into this place solo, so she picks her phone and makes a phone call, heads to the “loos” for privacy! 1 hour later, I decide to head out, but the bar man gives me 2 bills, I scream “Say…..wats the BIG IDEA?”
The barman is like
“This other one is for yo date that u were sitting with”
“Watchu talking bout?” (even the axa kicked in!)
“the chick u were talking to, she said she was expecting someone all along, then u show up, and start talking!”
“Shit, I feel puzzled, bamboozled, and all the ….zled’s out there!!”


So let me skip to how nicely the tiles of Serena are, see they have these marble thingies, shiny stuff, u could lick them when they very well mopped, how do I know? I MOPPED THE BLOODY THIRD FLOOR!!