Chilling here in the serene breezes of Zanzibar, at the bar, of course, minding my own, I see this ballistic chick, walking out the Indian ocean sands, in a ki-full bikini attire, as if Halle Berry in Die Anatha Day! She walks straight up to where I be, and yaps some incoherent gibberish, sounded like “2 martinis, one for me, and one for my soon-to-be hunk over here!”
Sometimes I tell these things as if I am lying, becoz no one can really blast like this, but what the heck, just read the damn thang!
So, where was I before conscience came over knocking with his usual garbage, ahh, Zanzibar!
So here is a glass of Martini in front of me, I tried to shake it, not stir it, but the damn thing just spilled all over! She ordered anatha, I said “Damn, the women emancipation over here must be on anatha level, if I were an Anglican priest, I would definitely be lesbian, since I would be gay anyway. (Nothing as silly as explaining a joke!)
Now this chick, confided in me how she was a mermaid, and me being a chap she had neva seen before, could tell me some shit!
I know that a female is made half-top chick and half-bottom fish, full with the hips and curves and all! What I still don’t get, is that geezer that made a half-male top, and the rest a bloody horse!! What the hell??
To prove a point, mermaid went back to sea, so I could see, what happens when she hit the waters, as if the Tom Hanks movie “Splash”! So she goes back in, and true to the word, I see the ballistic half fish thingy, full nice curves and all, she was shaking her arse….hips, it begged its fucking pardon, and got me all messed up, blood rushing to the wrong parts, u know wat I mean! If u don’t know wat I mean, u should probably be home watching tele-tubbies, and wait till u are 16!
So anyway, “splash” returns to the bar, probably after picking a few more dimes from prospective clients who dive under sea to beg for fortunes! Now am like “yo, how is it down there”
“Its aaiit! We get all sorts of visitors from up here! Musicians top the list! See there was this chap who came down there with only 2 eggs and some chicken feet! What the fuck was he thinking? We just broke his legs a couple of days ago when he returned here! We didn’t have jurisdiction to cross lake Victoria, the other mermaids would have killed us!”
“U mean to say there are mermaids in Lake Victoria?”
“Yeah, the “Victorian clan”! About 2 years ago, a chap went down to pray to take over power, so the Victorians pulled down a ship, MV Kabalega, to get him arms, and in the process, got themselves a new home, with lights!”
“U guys have loadshedding?”
“Yeah, chaps are still ol skool, u can imagine they still come down there with nothing but raw eggs and skulls! Who wants that shit? We need the new Chanel perfume (pronounced shanel) and some other peripherals, u dig?”
“Can we go down there for a ride?”
“Kool lets go”
As we proceed down, I rememba, shit I cant swim, so I started fighting for air, screaming as the water gushed thru my nostrils and that’s when I woke, to find bar men at the Zanzi Bar pouring water on me to get up, coz it was 6 in the morning, and I was just here in Kiwatule, Zanzi Bar just for some goat meat, that turned nasty!!!
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