In the Noose!!!!

That silly guidance counsellor that used to masquerade around schools telling us stuff like “you should do all your homework, study hard and be an engineer, lawyer or even doctor! Make your school proud, make your parents happy that their money has been spent well”

What this idiot didn’t tell us was exactly “how do you become the National Forestry Authority boss?” Here we are scrapping for the bu little dimes these corporate slave owners send to our accounts, and this chap has 900 million shillings under his bed? Kumbe his wife thought they had a ki ballistic waterbed!

Why are they even blaming her? The chick was just checking the mattress to see if it needed a re-fill, since it was no longer bouncy, its possible her husband had added some coins to the loot, coz the bed was hard GODAMIT!! On unleashing the mattress, my goodness wololo, the chick almost fainted!

First, she thought that BOU had moved its printery to “right under her chowing place”, but she said no, coz these notes were not new! A quick thought rushed through her medulla, saying she should call her “honey” and ask him about the “money”, but her conscience was quicker, it said “bitch, WATS THE BIG IDEA of calling that chap, he will just give u stories, just take it!!” – She did!

Next thing we know, the chick is being followed by agents from the state intelligence body, the CMI. It seems these days they are too bored! How do u be there following a chick as if they have already grabbed Kony! Their notice boards that morning must have looked like;

THE DIRECTORATE OF INTELLIGENCE

Today’s agenda;
1- Investigate child ritual murders – Priority – Not so important.
2- Tap Kony’s phone call to Odhiambo – Priority – As if important…but not quite!
3- Listen to radio stations to see warrups – Priority – Not important, CBS is still off!
4- Follow that wife of the NFA boss – Priority – VERY URGENT!!!
5- Find Kony – Priority – First do number 4, u MAGGOTS!!
6- Find Global fund dimes – Priority – Didn’t I say do number 4!!!! PUNK!!
7- Find terror suspects – Priority – Get out of here Sergent, and FIND THAT 900M!!!

So anywho, the NFA guy calls the police, and he’s like “yo fellaz, its gone….wololololo…..weheeeeeee….my dimes”

Police chap was like “Sir, please calm down, has your child gone missing?? For services of child ritual murders…press 1! To report any other crime……press 2!”

He pressed 2!

“For a luganda call…..press 1, for engli………”

He hang up!

He therefore called his chaps at the CMI, who dispatched a few other chaps to the Rapid Response Unit headquarters to get backup! These are the chaps supposed to be grabbing muggers, car jackers and armed robbers, but not this time, THEY NEEDED THEIR 900M!

The NFA guy then told them his wife had deposited the dimes at some microfinance place. These intelligence guys then trailed her, as if in a James Bond movie, the only difference was that their car was unleashing a lot of black smoke at the back, those old Toyota Carinas, as opposed to the sleek Aston Martin. And these chaps were taking snaps as if megapix! Never to be on that discreet stuff! Just taking pictures of the guy’s wife walking into the bank, walking out, entering the car, and smiling for the camera! They went a step further and sent these highly secret intelligence findings to all newspapers so they can appear on the front pages!

In light of all this, the police boss just fired the punks that head the Rapid response unit! They were rapid alright, but in executing only bullshit!!

The wife has since then come out to say that the 100 mills that were in her bank belonged to her sister. The husband on the other hand said the dimes were for his brother! The brother, however is a village chief! He is one of the chaps that got mad excited when the president gave an order to give each village chief a bicycle! It’s possible he had just forgotten that maybe….just maybe….a bicycle could cost less that 900 million bucks. He was still saving the money under his brother’s bed, waiting to top up and buy a bike of 1 billion bucks, when it was nicked!! Poor fella! Now he has to start saving all over again!!

Eventually when I grow up, I want to be the boss of the NFA, and have a village thief, sorry…village chief for a brother….this time I won’t marry…..COZ I NEED THE DIMES TO MY-CHE-YEF!!!