HSEQ!!

Fires have become a ki deadly phenomenon in our bu shanty towns! U hear a market burnt down in Busabatya, Bukedea district and the first thing that hits u is, where the hell is this Bukedea place? And when on earth did we ever get a district like that?

Back in the good ol old skool days, there were 38 districts, and we knew them all! It was even a joke that Rwanda was the 39^th district of Uganda, seeing as the administrators at that time had all, or almost all, been part of the Ugandan system! Now there are like what, 300? And in tow are 600 representatives in parliament, coz each district gets a regular MP, a woman MP, an MP for disabilities, for workers, for youth e.t.c. Feel sori for the little buggers having to pass an SST test and are asked to name all the districts!

That however, was besides the point, we were on fires!

Now, we corporate fools are suffering from a new phenomenon called HSEQ, the letters vary with the different slave owned companies! In a nutshell, its something that represents health, safety and some other crap that when not instilled into the minds of the corporate slaves, the slave owners will not be awarded with a certain nicely framed picture called ISO Certified 9002, or some crap like that!

So here we were, ensnared and bundled onto a slave ship, and sailed away to a designated point where our brains were to be drilled in the basics of fire fighting, lest our owners be downgraded to 9001 certified!

On reaching the destination, the Fire marshall, or trainer, or whatever this bugger called himself, wheeled himself in, complete in a police uniform with 2 pips a.k.a stars, meaning he was no ordinary foot patrol bugger, but a “big man” in his own right!

After brief salutations, no…we didn’t actually salute the bugger, but apparently salutations means greetings, just that in the armed forces it’s rather nasty, coz it contains words like “Alright MAGGOTS, stand on attention and salute yo commanding officer, u little gals will be drilled till u beg me to let u go suck on yo mama’s titties, do u get it u faggots???”………”Sir yes sir”!

Now where were we…..ah yech, after the salutations!! Ok, ret me con-ninue….so this bugger says, he was here to show us how to fight fire, and any questions were welcome, but before we could add on anything, “because no one has monopoly to the truth” he had quickly quipped, no one should ask him about tear gas, corruption, or for his number in case he had been arrested on a bike without a helmet!

He tells us all about CO2 extinguisher, powder extinguishers and all that boring stuff we just couldn’t give a rats ass about! Then the winner…..the one that woke us up…he asked a question? “Erm…who can tell me the number to call the fire brigade whenever there’s a fire?” One chap was like “piece of cake, u call 999”, anatha idiot was like “no punk, its 99” and on and on!

The fire policeman to our utter disbelief was like “no wonder u chaps always complain we come late! The real number for the fire brigade is 0414-33-22-22 or 0421-22-22!!

What a bunch of squats!!! Who the hell is goin to rememba that shit??? We’d be engulfed in a fire and chaps will be like “no, he said 33-22-22 and anatha will be like “no fool, it’s 22-33-33”, meanwhile all the property is gone!

The punk then shows us the “assembly area”, mbu when there is a fire, we should all “calmly walk to the designated assembly area”! What? al be running out that building to the nearest exit! Fire beez catching up on my shirt while am looking for the assembly area sign?? No bitch, al be at the next exit farthest from the fire!!

Then the winner “first help any clients in the building to get out, then when you are sure they are all out, please go to the assembly point to ensure that all in the building are safe”!! For a bank teller, there’s always that idiot that complains about “u being slow”! If any of you ever meets this pumpkin in a fire, let his ASS STAY!! How much dime am I getting, shyaa!! Al be outta there before those punks, what am I, the captain of a sinking ship??? AM JUST A BANK TELLER BITCH!!