The war on corruption recently taken on by HE Kags, (hope some over zealous intelligence agents don’t go nuts coz of the “Kags” reference), well, where was we?
Ah yech, the war on corruption. It is taking very comical proportions. The first bit on the NFA saga was run a couple of days ago, so here’s the follow up.
The NFA boss was finally suspended as investigations go on into the issue of having 900 million bucks under his metallic bed! His brothers, who he claims own the money, showed face at the New Vision offices, mbu to explain themselves, but they have made shit worse.
So one of the brothers, named John Bagambe is a Senior Environment Officer of Isingiro District; Let’s decipher this bugger.
First of all, his job involves checking on swamps and stuff of the like! Seeing as there are no big time investors encroaching on these lands, his work shouldn’t be that much. And his title, whooooaaa!! Screech yo brakes on this stuff!! Senior Environment Officer??? What, like he has juniors and shit?? In freakin boring and broke Isingiro? Its like the time I was assigned special duties to mop our classroom for 1 week, for “cheeky” behaviour, speaking of which, why do teachers like that ka word, cheeky?
Anywho, while I was on that punishment, to make myself feel better, I gave myself a title, it was “Senior Superintendent of Hygiene and Floor maintenance”. If I ever got a job in broke Isingiro doing environment work I would go by “Senior International Officer in charge of the reduction of Global Warming”, and watch the swamps! The salary by the way is a WHOOPING 100,000/=!
Now this pumpkin declared that 300 million of the lost loot, was his! And yes, they did ask him where he got it;
1 – I saved from my salary!!! (bullshit, 100k would take about 20 years to make 24,000,000/= if u didn’t spend even a coin on that salary, and that’s way less than 300 million)
2 – I deal in real estate!! – (this guy needs a lawyer, and a very good one! We all know Isingiro, ok, we don’t. But it sounds like a village! What this guy is saying is that he has such a ballistic house he rents it out to NGO’s and freakin embassies, earns probably 3000 dollars on each house a month! The last time we checked, the most ballistic house in lousy Isingiro had green iron sheets, and that was the big deal, the iron sheets had a rare colour. On closer inspection, it was confirmed that they had been painted for army detach unipots!! Using big words again, “real estate”!)
3 – I sell agricultural produce to govt, and furniture to schools, and am a consultant in business plans!! (We should all shift to this Isingiro place! A farmer earns all this dime?? I bet this chap has 2 pigs, 4 chicken and a malnourished cow, just exposing its ribs to the public, it should be charged with nudity!! And this punk should pay that fine! We all know village shit. We just be there sitting at 6pm, when its getting dark, and all the chicken be coming back to their bu shelters! What bugger with 300 million will be sitting there just watching that?? I would be in a mansion in Mbuya on Supersport freakin 3!!!
The other brother, a one George, is a parish chief! When I saw parish chief, I thought the chap was a priest! For all we care, parish is some church of sorts, but then I heard that parish is like a ka community, mainly of broke chaps!! When guys here in Kla be applying for passports and get to the question “what is your parish??,” guys have been known to write “Christ the King”, “Mbuya church” and “Kibuli Mosque”!
Anywho, this parish officer also said he had saved his salary, an ENTIRE 60,000 bucks a month! These days even a freaking tri-cycle for Martha who has just turned 3 and wants to play with her friends in the compound, goes for 80,000 bucks! What the parish chif is saying, is that if we all decided not to buy play things for our kids, we could save…..erm…..wait for it…..wait for it……100 million bucks, in like 12 years!!
George also confirmed that he sells local brew, aka enguli, aka changaa, aka pint made by stepping on ripe bananas!!! Kumbe all this time am here stressing with the CEO, COO, CFO, Finance and Admin, yet I could just be stepping on bananas, with no hassle of targets and brain storming meetings!!!! Way to go George, thanks for that career changing story!!
To cap it all off, George said he owns “houses” in Kabuyanda and Isingiro town, from where he draws rent, probably a HEFTY 20 thousand a month!! Where the f**k is Kabuyanda??? Those are towns u get to see on Nat Geo Wild and u be like “that’s freaking Uganda?? I thought I lived here, I should have known that huge space of land with funny little huts!!”
After all this, I believe we are wasting time in the city! These punks brought 800 million bucks from freakin Kabuyanda and we are here in traffic jams!! They were quick to add that their brother owned 100 million of it!
It’s still not clear however how a chap that deals in real estate that streams in the millions, still lives in a town that has failed to attract a single bank, and more so, why the western union chaps are still sleeping, instead of opening a branch in Kabuyanda, THEREZ DIME THERE!!! They could have wired it, or maybe therz a new service that wires dimes straight to under the bed u sent it to!! Maybe…..just maybe!!
Out!
2 comments:
Maybe, just maybe these brothers knew not to trust their wives and opted for their big shot kampala sibling. Bearing in mind the 'take the boy out of the village, but not the village out of the boy', big shot sibling heeds by great-great-grandfather's word - under the bed is safest. Meanwhile, sibling's wife - well, she too had a great-great-grandmother who said, 'never forget to sweep under the bed'. Yes, some tales are just simpler to take in... I am village bound :-)
perhaps he meant Isindigo....
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