A Birth Story!!

It was all scenes of hysteria and massive joy as the parents….that’s 2 peoples, were all in a state of frenzy at the maternity ward to welcome their new bundle of pampers, baby wipes and johnson’s baby powder combined.

The slimy little bugger was welcomed to the gloved palms of Dr Johnson who had spent almost 15 minutes urging the all sweaty mom to push harder, as it seems the Gollum-lookalike inside her was intent on staying in the tummy, stretching her stretch marks to air balloon-like proportions.

Little Tommy, as he would be called from hence forth, weighed in at slightly less that a lonely pack of Lugazi sugar seated at a shelf at Metro cash and carry, awaiting to be finished by the sugar ants, coz at 1 kilo, this kid wasn’t shit!

On finally emerging from the under belly of mommy, little Tommy was crying incessantly to the chagrin of Dr Dr J, who was forced to smack Tommy’s 2 thumbs…or rather, his minute excuse for an ass!

Within seconds, his rope, which was uncomfortably hanging from his navel on to the insides of mommy, had to be cut off like the GAVI funds after Jim Muh-wealthy had failed to account. It was at this moment that mommy regained consciousness and started wailing to see little Tommy, before one of the nurses could pull off a fast one and switch the kid for a doll…..or something like that!

The greasy and overly slimy little bugger was first washed up like a raw fruit from Shoprite, toweled up like a freshly fried rolex and brought to mama to acquaint himself with the person that’s going to send him to church every Sunday and lick his boogers every morning!

Introductions set, Dr J heads over to accounting to report yet another successful birth, and sign against his “success” commission, before the overly excited parents are hit with an overly expensive bill which they are overly willing to pay!

And with those few words, little Tommy was now a human!