Geezer Fever!!

If at all you don’t get blown up by religious fanatics, you will get to be 70 years old, or thereabouts. In Africa, that’s some heavy shit! The Republic of Georgia just announced a chick that turned 130 years old last week, making her the oldest person alive, meaning that our Minister Of Education isn’t doing that badly…..plus that aging chap in charge of Public Service. At 129 and 128 respectively, they still coo…

It was just amazing last week as I was masquerading at Game (after the silly askaris asked me to first empty my pockets, just in case I had an iBomb!) to buy an electronic and got to the counter where those chaps change the plug from the SA type to our regular ol’ colonial ones (why they don’t do this before shipping in the electronics still beats the oblongata!) and there was this old guy at the counter getting his stuff fixed (must have been a heart pace maker UPS thingy, who knows? Or maybe a lung filter to allow in only oxygen, old punk!!).

Anywho, after getting his electronics fixed, he asked for a coupon, and give it to him they did! He walked right back into the mall to buy more stuffs (probably inhalers this time)!I was in luck! I knew it! Those pocket searches were after all worth it! There are coupons for free stuff godamit!! If I had my Warid sim card, I would have been calling all those chaps I left at Gabs to come pick some free shit!

So I reach the counter, and present my lousy SA plug for a quick exchange, and while at it, pick up my coupon. I was now thinking, what is it I really need? A 6 pack of the large heineken cans was first on the list, way higher than silly bathing soap, who the hell needs to shower when there are pints, right? No? Ok 2 cans and 1 piece of Geisha! That soap is big as hell, will do for a month!

At the counter, the silly chick just gives me a ka paper to take to that guy across to have my plug fixed! I said “hey lady, whats the big idea!!!?”

She goes “how do you mean sir?”

“Looky here erm, Getrude…..”

“How do you know my name? Have we met?”

“Uh, its on your name tag right there!”

“Oh, that!”

“Yep, that…anywho, where’s my coupon bitch? I gots to get me some lager, in cans that is!!”

“Oh, that…you see, today is Senior Citizen’s day here at Game. We give back 10% of whatever amount an old person buys so he can buy whatever he wants, and you don’t look old to me!”

“Shit!!! Must have been that hair dye! Thanks anyway!”

So much for the pack of beers. If these Game bastards leave this country before we get old, am suing their discriminative asses. This is old man’s country. The geezers get to retire at 60 freakin’ years old, get to take our campus chicks, are not targeted by terrorists (Golf club wasn’t blown up) and now they get discounts??

Apart from not getting blown up, these are other advantages of being old;

1- Kidnapers are not interested in you.

2- People call at 10am and ask “did I wake you”

3- You have a party and the neighbours don’t realize it.

4- Your biggest arguments are about pension plans.

5- When you read children’s books, A is for Arthritis, B for Bad back and C is for Chest pains!

6- At least they saw Fredrick Lugard!

7- Kenny Rogers CD’s are now free everywhere!

8- You don’t give a shit about bombs “cutting short” your career!

9- You get a free ride on a wheel chair all day – cool shit!

10- You get to tell the people you hated – how much you hated them!

Disadvantages of being old;

1. All important names in the phone book are doctors…..personal physicians that is!

2. You use skin creams to replace fallen skin.

3. You have to remember 50 daily medications, and one of them is for memory.

4. You know u have reached “Revelations” – The end of days as it is….is upon yo wrinkled ass!

5. You get to wear pampers – or napkins depending on how rich you were – all over again!

Looks like the advantages win – shit, can’t wait!!