Syndromes!!

Watching Nat Geo Wild on cable (the hardest channel on tv), there was this program about diseases that move from animals to humans (but looking at rioters and members of the opposition, we are all animals).

There was this disease named “Cat Lady Syndrome”, which affects mainly lonely chicks that find solace in cats. These basket cases that love to call men “dogs” have some virus passed on to their “single and not searching” asses through the cats they be cuddling, rendering them slow in thought, among other things. The virus makes the chick attracted to cats in a way that her food budget has “cat food” at the top of the list. Such chicks can be found at Shoprite at the “animal feeds” section!

Cat Ladies, as they have come to be known, are so slow in thought that we believe Angela Katatumba is suffering from this shit!! This bitch, also known as a “popular artist – but without a song we know”, went and made herself up (with major assistance from the cosmetic director) in such a way that she looked like she had been attacked by acid. Her eyes were green, and she was making a video for yet another song that we won’t hear, known as “let’s go green”, coz she has been named “British Council International Ambassador for climate change”. What the hell does this mean? Maybe she issues visas to clouds and stuff! Cat lady bitch!!

Some other people have also been discovered to have weird syndromes, which seem to be getting larger in number (according to Discovery: My shocking story);

Alien hand syndrome: This bizarre neurological illness affects thousands of people, none of whom live in Ug, coz never to see these punks. It is caused by damage to certain parts of the brain, and causes one of a person’s hands to act independently of the other and of its owner’s wishes. For example, the misbehaving hand may do the opposite of what the normal one is doing: if a person is trying to button a shirt with one hand, the other will follow along and undo the buttons. If one hand pulls up trousers, the other will pull them down. Sometimes the hand may become aggressive – pinching, slapping, or punching the patient. In at least one case, it tried to strangle its owner. In this case, if these punks were down here, one hand would vote for NRM and the other for FDC! Talk about “spoilt for choice!”

Electric people syndrome: According to some British paranormalist bugger, some people are ‘upright human [electric] eels, capable of generating charges strong enough to knock out streetlights and electronic equipment.” These buggers would never suffer from load shedding crap, they would just light up the place by touching a couple of metals here and there!

Foreign accent syndrome: There are about 50 recorded cases of Foreign Accent Syndrome, in which people who have suffered strokes or other injuries adopt a new accent. For example, an indian can suffer a stroke and then began speaking with an English accent. She may even adopt such Anglicisms as ‘bloody’ and ‘loo’ and "aw u doin mate'. Perhaps the oddest case concerned a Norwegian woman who had fallen into a coma after being hit by shrapnel during an air raid in 1941. When she woke up, she spoke with a thick German accent. She was then ostracised by her neighbours. This only means that Fat Boy and Seanice were once in a coma!

And now, other lesser known syndromes:

Uncombable hair syndrome: Yep, I do got that!

I want to be seen syndrome – Bebe Fool and wife!

I have more dimes than you syndrome – Mike Mukula!

I am too ballistic syndrome – MTN employees!

My father can beat your father syndrome – Budo chaps!