Post "bombing" life!!

Trauma: Noun (traumaus, traumata)

An emotional wound or shock often having long-lasting effects

The war on terror is right at our doorstep! Chick pedestrians are haharing like a probem at the Game store mall parking lot coz security guards are checking the insides of their bags! If this aint insanity then it has no other name. Most security operatives have been reporting “make up kits”, “used tampons” and oddly, “copies of keys to their boyfriend’s houses!” as the only “threats” they have recovered.

This is what we call trauma.

Yesterday, the police reported 15 cases of “bomb” sightings, which came in the form of abandoned polythene bags with toxic fumes emanating from the rotting banana peels found inside. The funny one came in the form of a report from the constitutional square where people gathered in a large crowd to see what was inside an abandoned sack that was just lying there. The police had to fire bullets in the air to disperse the crowds! Question is, why the hell would you gather around a bomb? Shouldn’t idiots be running away?

The police, who also seem to be enjoying the unlimited fuel they have been allocated, were happy to report that 6 bags with plumbing materials were recovered from the Naguru and Nsambya estates, containing some remains of used cement and sand! One of them even had a “used slipper”, probably forgotten by the plumber!

Another suspicious bag, which was reported by some bored residents who can’t get over the fact that there are toll free numbers, contained some suspicious looking irish potatoes and stale groundnuts that had been abandoned by the next door family, probably waiting for the garbage truck to come clear things up.

On a sad note though, an Eritrean chap was mob justiced to death yesterday on suspicion that he was the kinda guy Jack Bauer would never approve of. His close resemblance to Somalis was proof enough that this guy was a martyr looking for free virgins in his after life! Another suspected looking al-shabab member was almost lynched in the Wandegs supermarket yesterday. He was saved by some policemen patrolling nearby on their new boda b’s. Wigs with African looking hair aka kaweke are being sold to these chaps at very exaggerated fees so they look like one of us, but these are sold in classified places, as if whores!

A very beeming police patrol pickup commander was seen yesterday buying pizzas at Nandos just for the heck of it. After he was given unlimited access to dimes to drive around town in search of funny looking polythene bags, he said he has since stopped collecting “bullshit 20 thou bucks from idiots with expired driving permits and very worn out tyres”, he hopes for another bomb so he can finally send his kids to study in the UK!

These are the few that have benefited from these blasts……see in life, there’s always a winner in everything, however horrible!

As you can clearly see there’s nothing else on our minds these days but the shift in the way of life. We are now like those silly Americans who keep sayin “ever since 9-11, we started doing this and that ….” And now shit is that way here too.

But before this shift in ideology, there was the story of the kidnapped kid. These days the vans that transport the little lumpens to kindergarten and back are licensed like a forex bureau, 330 pages of signatures and stuff. Some parents sit in their cars outside Daffodils from 8am to 1pm so no one steals their pamper shitting toddlers! House maids have been finger printed and taken through all the rigorous interviews of suicide bombers, and then now, this al shabab crap! We are now living in the “fear ages”!

A taxi tout made some chap show the contents of his laptop bag, “coz he found it sos-pi-shos”, as a Nigerian punk would put it. At least the elections fever has been given a back seat. Ad rather argue about bombs….or their lack of!