Quantum Solace

It’s getting harder by the day to distinguish between real life and fiction. Tales have been told of how governments try to direct what the headline news is, for their own purposes. So, when a few weeks back, the King of Buganda, aka Kabaka was stopped from touring a part of his kingdom, we quickly figured that the guy in charge, the Minister of Security did this to divert attention from his own troubles. He must have been with his aides talking bout “Chaps, things are getting tight, we need to get this NSSF stuff off peoples minds, lets figure out something sensitive to play around with”

“Sir, lets play around with the king” “Brilliant, u shall be promoted with the next batch of officers”

And the next day we see in the papers, “Kabaka stopped from touring Nakasongola, rift with government widens!” People who matter, were like “Really, ………er……fuck it, when is the Security minister refunding our dimes?” Then the minister of Finance said “760 billion shillings allocated to the ministry of agriculture not used” People who matter, were like “Really, ………er……fuck it, when is the security minister refunding our dimes?” Before we could settle down, Beti Kamya was like “FDC bosses are trying to kill me” The FDC bosses said “she was trying to blackmail them”, but still, people who matter were like “Really, ………er……fuck it, when is the security minister refunding our dimes?”

So now we have come up with similar situations to explain the events that are unfolding, and created a movie out of it;

Scene 1: An area out of town, to be visited by a king, chicken walk across as the camera cuts to a motorcade raising dust as it enters the town and comes to a halt at the front of the Administrative building. Out comes a king, and he is received by an official from the office building, a security official, for he is in a police uniform. Time for dialogue, Director yells……Aaaaaannnnnnddddd action!

King: Am King Jeffy Joffa, King of Zermunda, am looking for my son Akim!!

Official: Sir, we have got reliable intelligence information that u are actually here to tour this part of your kingdom! Am sorry, but we cant let u do that! We have strict orders from above!

King: OK then, my son came here with his escort Richie, where can I find him?

Official: Richie probably abandoned your son, he raised an orphan called Nicole, and they went to Paris to live at the Hilton.

King: Servant, grab the bags, we are going to France!

Official: am sori sir, but Richie’s chief of protocol was arrested while in Germany en-route to Paris, and is being extradited on genocide charges. He is charged with kidnapping the white bat, and starting the massacre of the Wachiti tribe by the Wachutu tribe, and this can be confirmed by Ace Ventura, pet detective!

King: So what happens now?

Official: We have orders to arrest you. You will be presented to our court to give u a trial that will last strictly 1 month, u will spend the first 3 weeks denouncing our court and our country, but by the 4th week, u will be found guilty and executed in the 5th week, no appeals!

King: And what are u trying me for?

Official: For possession of weapons of mass destruction, we know u are supporting al-nkunda to wreck havoc in Goma. Plus, even your women are “weapons of mass seduction”, and for this you shall also be punished! This court trial shall be code named “Quantum Solace”, and shall be watched strictly by invite, there are already 3 events companies bidding to handle the whole thing!

Intermission, the director has to edit scenes that look like they may potray actual events that have a close resemblance to this script! But he realises, that it’s the actual events that have a close resemblance to the movie!