So Johnny had spotted her at the company retreat, yeah, you know all this corporate fad of “departmental retreat”, mbu to bond and get away from the daily stress, usually happening at the Jinja Nile resort or Mountains of the Moon hotel in Fort Portal!
It would have been a blast only if that crappy boss, yeah, that one that causes you so much stress that the entire department actually needs a retreat for, also drags his ass along, as if he has no one else to yell at.
Anywho, Martha was the new chick in Accounts, complete with a ki ballistic axa, but she had done her masters in Ghana, a predominantly Nigerian-axa speaking country, so why she had an American axa, still beats Johnny’s oblongata! She was as if royal from her home, so her kingdom had sent her on an exchange kinda arrangement with the royals of the Ashanti tribe. When the royals had met, courtesy of Gadhaffi’s dimes, somewhere in Tripoli, the Ashanti king had told these Ugandan royal chaps; (read as is, for real effect)
“Whenova u need somm-bodi to komm and stody here in Ghona, sond dem to me dorectly!!”
So she had jost re-torned from Ghona when a quick sms was dispatched from her royal house to the corporatal CEO;
“Good tidings from the royal house, and greetings to all our loyal subjects. We have a request, can u fix Princess somewhere in your organisation, preferably in Finance or Accounting, she just finished her masters, courtesy of our kind brethren in Ghana. Thanks”
The CEO had immediately called that arrogant Thief Accountant and told him to arrange a desk “straight away!” “Give her something to keep her busy till we find something” he had assured the thief!
Long story short, Martha was here anyway, and now had gone for the retreat! Johnny, who by the way, is the main actor in this plot, had seen royalty! He was smitten like a senior Government official who had just been handed a project, complete with the funds he was going to swindle! He was weak in the knees, like a Senior Government minister in front of the parliament Accountability committee! He wanted to disappear into the floor, like a devoted saved punk that had forgotten to deposit his tithe with that thieving Pastor!!
That’s how bad it was!
Regardless of all this, shy Johnny dragged his ass, albeit slowly, toward this royal chick, Her Ballisticness Martha! He summoned all his strength, and courage to say something sensible, coz he had read somewhere, in one of those silly books, that “first impressions last!”
“Hello, Johnny is the name, u new here?”
“Errrrm, duhh, yeah am new!” As she pulled of one of these faces of these bu chicks we be seeing on MTV’s Super Sweet Sixteen, though Martha was 26!!
“You know I couldn’t help but notice you have made no friends yet!” Johnny gave it his best shot! Was it working, lets see!
“The guys here are kinda uptight! No wonder u need to get so far away just to get to know each other’s names” She retorted.
Johnny was as if excited, SHE HAD TALKED BACK GODAMIT!! 1 – 0!
1 for him, 0 to nature!
“Well there are drinks down there by the pool, wanna go grab some?” the bugger Johnny tried again.
“Erm, excuse me, are you trying to ask me to hang with you?”
“Am sori, if am bothering you ……..”
“Well, if you thought I was one of those cheap, low life Ugandan girls you just walk up to and drag to a bar…..u were right!!! Lets go grab a beer!”
Chicks are now cursing this story like a problem coz they are routing for their fellow species, but personally, am not on that shit!!
Anywho, Johnny took her downstairs, but after a few pints, he had to excuse himself to the “bathrooms”, and no he wasn’t going to shower, he was going for number 1! At this instance, Mike, that bastard from IT quickly stepped in to chat up Martha. Like a hyena, he was waiting for the fast cheetah to make a kill, then he would simply show up to devour the carcass!
Now he knew she was all warmed up for a chat so he quickly started;
“U love books, got some nice Stephen King back at office…”
“Whoooa, how did u know I loved King’s works??”
“Well, I kinda can tell someone who’s into the real life…..”
This bastard Mike had studies her resume while he was making for her that ID thingy for swiping through doors, and with those words, he had put his claws onto Johnny’s catch…….
Ladies and gents, that’s how acid pours in our offices today!!
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