Juju: Stuff wrapped up in banana leaves to scare the livin daylights out of any African, usually also goes by the name witchcraft.
This juju stuff is crazy. The other day, a member of the opposition, a one Okello Okello (Whoever named this guy was like “fuck it, I can’t think of a second name for my second born, let’s name the punk twice!) was crying mbu “someone put juju outside my fence, but am not scared, even though am now busy reporting the matter to the police, am not scared!”
As of today, the boss at the Forestry Authority, yep, the guy that replaced the guy whose wife replaced 900 million bucks under his bed with irish potato peelings, was crying to the press how “I cannot be scared of just these banana leaves, we shall remain vigilant….blah blah blah….and blah!!” Why it was front page news…there was probably nothing else!
In Rwanda, the Rwanda government is looking for it’s former Army Commander, what he did or when he did whatever he is accused of doin, remains everyone’s guess, it’s believed he’s hiding out in South Africa, so the best chance for them to catch him is keep watching the world cup games and concentrate a lot whenever the camera zooms into the stands, then they’ll be like “Red Hut 1 red Hut 1, this is Blue monkey3, I repeat, Blue Monkey 3, the bugger is in Blomfentein stadium, Bub, I see him, roger that and copy that, send the boys to the Argentina locker room, they are playing there now goddamitt!!”
At Garden City, the manager of Khana Khazana gambled all his dimes on the second floor based casino. He must have thought “shit, my vife is goin to kill me”, so he jumped to his death before his “vife” could push him off his balcony when he told her the news later that night.
Right across town in the land of wakina Raila na Kibaki, politics is way larger than we here have ever seen. So the Prime Minister sacks a minister, a former ally of his, heck, these chaps used to sling shots, political stones, at their common foe Kibaki just before they headed for a ki Tusker Lager, but fell out, don’t know why, leading to the sacking, but Kibaki, in his laid back style, was like “dawg, dawg, Odinga y’all, let the Minister be, I have reversed yo shit..”, causing confusion on Valentines day in Nairobi. Citizens, in the middle of valentine love hugs and kisses were like, “I love you babe, but in the meantime, what the hell is goin on in government”…”Don’t really know, but this rose is as beautiful as the sunset, let’s hope the cabinet chaps are also having a swell time tonight”. Ruto remains suspended, and Kenyans are still blasting at Carnivore!
In Tanzania, there was no news! Albinos have probably relaxed, they were killing way many of ‘em. If these guys want to practice real juju, why the hell cant they learn from Ug and just wrap some used Duracell batteries and chicken feathers in a dry banana leaf? Works all the time!
1 comment:
Dabbling in journalism now i see?
as for that Indian...something is afoot...or he would just have broken a foot people "jump" from higher buildings and dont die...ama he gave new meaning to "skydiving"
yea i shouldnt laugh but i think people who commit suicide are very selfish...now his wife/family has to come up with them dimes...
his 26 n very much a child or he wud kno $10k is not monopoly dimes
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