Statistics....

Statistitians: Chaps that play around with figures and then give us the deadly "findings".

Never play with these chaps, the stuff they say is usually "as if true", until the day another one of them finds otherwise. They will tell you of heavy words like "methodology", which were not even used in the bible, the most complex book of 'em all. They be like "these findings were got through the "methodology" of interviews, both oral and written, plus a small amount of "observation" from the sidelines. How they come up with the percentages however, is anatha story.

Most statistics are scaringly true, for example, 97.3 percent of humans are likely to get cancer, that way, however much you work out, amass dimes, own cars with only airbags and shit, Dr Death will figure out a certain cancer to throw at yo "careful" ass!

Apparently, more than 50% of humans live in poverty, so it's not just me, phewks, relief!

The statisticians I have TOTALLY failed to understand are those that are based at the "Statistics Division" of Kfm International University of radio stuff. These unapologetic punks forge all sorts of statistics and advertise them with impunity, no apologies, as if they are an African government! Their statiticians have figured that "methodology" might be a word that relates to hard stuff like Biology and stuff, they sound alike anyway. So they came up with their own way of presenting "facts", but these facts are SUPPOSED to rhyme with the number of their fm frequency channel, 93.3! Pur example,

93.3% of people know Micheal Jackson......
6.7% of the rest don't eat biscuits......
Kfm....playing the best music....and blah blah..

Question 1 - how did you know this stuff?
2 - What does that ad even mean?

The chap who came up with the "one out of 10 people are mad" is also astounding. How did he know this shit? Maybe he was chilling at Zone 7, and he sat at every table with ten chaps, and figured 1 of them always said some crazy shit, like "my mom's a real bitch, can u believe the shit she asked me to do today....mbu take her to visit some relas.....", now that's the crazy fella, out of the 9 others, and voila, a statistic!

Some other statistics to muse over, by this ballistic statistician from near Kfm;

1 - 100% of humans will die at least once in their lifetime.

2 - 99% of humans live only on oxygen, 0 % inhale CO2. Bobi Swine (1%), inhales weed smoke.

3 - 100% of politicians will break 98% of their promises. 2% will be achieved by mistake.

4 - 90% of taxi operators never shower.......for 4 straight months!

5 - 99% of Budo fellows will mention "budonian" at least 23 times a day.

6 - 98% of Warid subscribers are there for the free calls, 2% work there, it's unfortunately compulsory.

7 - 95% of houseboys have ever used insecticide as a deodorant.

8 - 98% of chicks can't reverse park! 2% that do, were once men!

9 - 94% of men who buy red pepper do so for the pictures!

10 - And finally........100% of chicks have a pink pillow.....or not!!