U ate the apple.....go ye forth and toil!!

It all starts with some guy in a garden, probably full of apple trees, and this chick, ballistic like chocolate ice cream, just bored, wondering around doin' nadda! Then the slithering object, named snake, wanting some action since Pastro Sempa wasn't available to show porn, tells the guy to eat an apple, which would not only "enlarge his manhood", but also show him "how to make her scream", like some dirty poster on a Kampala street pole!

After the snake had enjoyed watching a free porn flick, the big guy, aka Gad (according to some chap named Kayanja) was pissed off with these displays of affection, and sent these guys to "earth" where they would toil, riot, burn up tombs and shoot each other, for eternity. All this shit, just because of a chow.....recently, according to Mr Pryor, Gad showed up in town, and went straight to the Pope's crib, and started asking him questions....

"Erm, my man, there's a chap named Martin Luther King, he used to send me nice prayers, where is he, I want to see the guy..."

"Erm, he was shot dead, by one of us!"

"Well, fine then, send me some chap named Kennedy, he had some nice prayers too...."

"Erm, he was shot dead too sir..."

"Okay, what about this guy....er, Mahatma Ghandi, I loved his stuff.."

"Sir, he was also shot dead..."

"What?? All the guys with nice prayers were shot dead? It wasn't even my angels that decided?? Okay fine, let me just see my son....I sent him down here too..."
*Richard Pryor

Part of the "toiling" prescribed by Gad, involves us doing shit coz we got too much knowledge. Greed takes over, like the chaps that committed the Rwanda genocide, the chaps that incited the Kenyans to panga themselves after the elections, and now the chaps trying to incite the baganda against the rest. The buganda parliament has now called for an inquiry not only on the Kasubi tombs fires, but also the Budo fires and the Mutukula train fires of the late 80's. They fell just short of calling for an inquiry of the Namugongo matyrs fires (according to the Interior Minister) and also an independent inquiry into the fire that Moses saw, the burning bush that told him to take his smelly shoes off before approaching "Gad".

Aside from the "political" toiling, we civilians are subjected to harsh conditions of life, known as "corporate" bullshit. The advanced world has "9 to 5" jobs, while we here have to report by 7.59 am to like 6.30 pm, and only have nice ID's to show for it.

While at work, the torture continues....

1 - Cliques - There will always be the fellas that attended so called "top schools" like SMACK, Namilyango and Budo. The Budo fellaz will always hang at their own table at lunch time at the staff cafeteria,and STRICTLY get their information from "Time", "Economist" and "Newsweek" which they download from their "iPhones". Last week, these lumpens were discussing the "Obama Health reform Bill" while the "others" were discussing the Kasubi tomb fires and it's effect on how we shall go home if there are riots. Budo chaps were like (in axa) "what's this kasuuubee shit?"

2 - It's all about me - Chaps will always give you a piece of their minds - like u give a shit! A guy will tell you how he is fasting chows till easter.....like we care! Lumpens like this are trying to show how macho they are, advertising their private lives (or lack of) as if we asked, and you have to hang with them because the Human Resource Department has introduced a "team building exercise" where you have to know the co-worker better, as if the torture of being around the clown from 8 am to 7 bloody pm aint enough!

3 - The boss who's jokes are always funny - Ever realise how when a boss says anything, we (slaves) laugh? Boss is like "man, last night i slept at 1am, i wish i was still young like you guys, i would have slept at 3 am, in my days, i was a gangster..." "hahahahahahahahahaha, boss, nga u are funny!" The shit we do just to live! Real "toiling i tell ya".

4 - The "organigram" - "Look you little punk, you shall report to the regional sales manager, if he is not there, that's when you shall look for the Sales manager, but never, i repeat, NEVER go to the Sales Manager without going thru yo immediate boss....kapish????...and oh, never look at the Sales manager directly in the eyes, that's a show of defiance, he is a king to you, if his tombs ever get burnt...oh wait, once he has left office, u are safe"

5 - Access levels - The IT chap hands you an ID, it only lets you in doors from the 1st floor to the 3rd floor, coz that's where you diploma holders stop. If you go to the 4th floor before a clearance, u shall duly receive a warning letter from yo superiors, well that's unless you are a chick and the 4th floor Sales Manager has "lent" you his card, which he forgot in yo bedroom!!

6 - Statutory deductions - After the interview, you told your mom you could now afford the 6 million shilling car she wanted, if only she can wait just 10 months, coz you was earning 600,000 bucks a month godamit."....SCREEECHH...HALT!" Screams the company accountant! Well, we have to remove 5% NSSF, 30% PAYE, 5,000 Local Service tax....blah blah. Your dime is actually 410,000 a month, sorry for the previous misinformation, luckily, u have already signed a 7 year contract!! Oops!!

7 - Ah what the heck, we were sent to toil, and toil we shall (and whine about it like we have shit else to do). No wonder we hate snakes!!

But there's an option, play Go Lotto, scatch MTN airtime of 2k a day and win the freakin house outright, buy a Celtel sim card and win the fridge to put in the house u won from MTN, marry Sam Kuteesa's daughter, open a Stanbic account and win a trip to South Africa fro the world cup then marry a white chick while there......e.t.c