There’s a new phenomenon rokin Kampala, and thank goodness, there’s no tear gas involved in it. Opposition party leaders are now pissed off they cant use this kabozi to start yet another useless riot.
Am talking bout cable TV!! Yeah baby yeah! We can now pose that we have ESPN, E! (that’s for the chicks who be painting their bu-toe nails on weekends) and Discovery channel (where we chaps learn the art of “hunting”, when u see a herd of chicks at Just Kickin, first separate the potential prey from the group, then swing in for the kill, probably with some shots of tequila, and some salt balancing off your closed fist….and the meal is served) “Chauvinist bastard!!!” they shout!
You may wonderin, and probably yellin, what’s the point you punk?? Well, here’s the point.
Among the channels that cable has blessed us with (for just 40,000/= a month, depending on how nicely you smile at the debt collector ((chicks pay 20,000/= a month, for the same bloody channels, we should open a shop where we can hire chick’s smiles, works well with lecturer’s too)) is MGM! These guys can decide to kill you with some of their OLDEST movies. You be watching some movie with Moses splitting the red sea and stuff, Samson breakin down buildings……which forced me to go see this story again, having raised my curiosity.
As you know, the Israelites are ALWAYS the eventual heroes of the bible stories, and the Philistines (oba Palestines) were the weak chaps. David (Israelite) brought down Goliath(Philistine) with just a ka-stone, as opposed to the rocket propelled bazooka and grenade launchers Goliath was armed with, ok, they were not there in those times, but reading about this Goliath character it looks like he had all this stuff, got it?
So there’s this Israelite chap Samson, strong as hell, even that Swazenegger chap would have folded in front of him like an un-sold chap at a kiosk outside Iguana that’s been there for 3 days! The Philistines (Arafat’s ancestors) were as scared of this chap as Olara Otunnu seeing an unmarried chick. This guy was so bad he would cause an earthquake and Bill Clinton couldn’t even raise dimes to get the Israelites out of that mess.
In their wisdom, the Philistines hatched a plan, which makes you wonder, why the hell hasn’t the UPDF used this technique to harvest that loon Kony from wherever he is still smoking weed? Back to the story…..sorry for the interruption.
The plan, was to get a ki ballistic brown brown, confuse her with some dimes, sijui pieces of silver, which was a heavy dime, considering she accepted. They probably told her it could be exchanged at any forex bureau in Jerusalem. Delilah, as the ballistic lass turned out to be known, was to vibe Samson till she made him scream in ecstasy, and in the process, he would also whisper to her the source of his strength, which the Philistines would disable, and make him just a normal weak man, like Nasser Ssebagala, the chap that cant win an election, despite bribing EVERYONE that voted, heck, even his son might have voted against…..sorry for interruption, again.
The first attempt went bad, Delilah was like, “tell me the source of yo strength, and I……shall take you places you’ve never been before!!”. She took him places he’d been before, probably many times, coz he lied…..thrice.
The Philistine CMI, FBI and JATT bosses were like “bitch….we are sick and tired of yo lame ass excuses, if you don’t deliver Samson to us, we shall shave you like the UPDF did to that Candida chick in 1998!! Right bitch??”
Delilah probably watched “Basic instinct” and “Monster’s ball” that night, coz she made the guy talk!! And his hair was cut off, and with it, went all his former strength. The weeks that followed for Samson were of torture, even members of the Human Rights Commission feared to visit that particular safe house, even though they let ‘em. Samson’s eyes were gouged out, and he was whipped like a wanton prostitute on her last job before she switches careers!
Only when the Philistine buggers decided to parade their prize at a ceremony somewhere in the largest building, did Samson bring it down like a half complete building on Nasser Road that just collapses at the slightest breeze!
Unlike today’s movies, I failed to see the moral of this story, and promptly switched to HBO!
2 comments:
LMAO... 'She took him places he’d been before, probably many times, coz he lied…..thrice'
btw, the moral of the story is that women are evil (i know this because i was at my uncle's house years ago and he made his 3,5 and 7 year old children watch this and tell him what the moral of the story was)
CLEARLY me thinks yo on "something"....
hahahaha...btw i think Israel was the States of them days...ever notice how America alwez "wins" in movies...and how they NEVER ever lose and if they look bad its for a good cause.
as for Sam's uncle..hmm...maybe mama watoto had seriously pissed him off
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