Fuel management letters de-classified!!

The letter just lay there on the table, to be fair, it was all it could do. “Dear so-called manager”, it started, I was hooked!! I removed the collar hook that was attached to my new shirt and sat down to read it, the letter, not the hook! “Your incompetence baffles my mind”, it had gone on to add, I immediately knew that this was a good student of Shakespear. “The chutzpah, the guts, the balls you have to deny me this job are enormously gigantic….” I carefully filed the letter in the dust bin!

U may not get what am getting at, but in my managerial days (Yep, I roll like that), I had several letters from the employees, not the MBA type, seeing as they were gas peddlers, aka pump attendants, and I stumbled upon this file, and remembered that first letter, but these are the things you have to go through as an employer, sorry, manager of A’ level drop outs, no offense drop outs……none taken, I presume, so check it out;

To

Human Resource

Sir/Madam

I here by submit in my application into your office. I am Ugandan by nationality and religion by protestant. I managed to pass well S4 but failed to join higher level because of lack of school fees. So I requesting you to employee me I promises to work hard in everything. GOD BLESS YOU.

Yours truly,

Nantume Glorious

(Who the f**k names a kid Glorious? Like there were no baby name books at Aristoc!)

Then this wise ass;

APOLOGY FOR HAVING GIVEN OUT A WATERING CAN

I here by apologise for having given out a watering can to a taxi driver at around 2pm. I was kind of trying to help a stranded customer i.e taxi driver in particular, when he proved to not be co-operative at all. Here comes this guy in a situation whereby he is pressed against the wall and I was the only one who could save him, so I decided to get him out of the ditch in which he was stranded.

I offered the guy fuel in one of our cans and he promised to bring it back sooner than I thought he could. He left 10,000 with me as security, but to my utter disbelief, he came back at 6pm and that’s when all hell broke loose after the manager finding out that I had given it to him. In short, that’s what transpired and I apologise for the scene I created.

Kula Dante

(Oooohh cooool, am sure the mom had watched the Pirce Brosnan flick Dante’s peak, then named this little bugger of….sorry, bundle of joy!)

And then the chap attempting, but not a wise ass...

Statement of coaster

It was on Thursday afternoon a coaster came on my pump he told me put in for ten thousand then after he came back on my pump and he told me you diesel or petrol then I say that I put in petrol, then after he came to the manager around 6.47 that Enos he didn’t put for me fuel then I say that I put fuel, so I cant curr with coaster.

So am sorry for that manager am sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Thank you sir manager.

I pologyse for what I did to coaster manager I will never, never, never, never do it again, next time chance me manager.

Thank you sir manager.

Mugasa Enos

And finally….the winner (if u understand this, u are true management material)

RE – APPLOYG LATTER

I kindly apploige for having not possed that I will never do it.

Yours faithfully

Jackson Kato

And that was my morning. I apploige but i gots to go!!