This Is It!! Or Is It?

If you have MEGA plans for 2012, u better change yo dreams! Well, that’s if u watched that excuse of a movie 2012 (very many thanks to cable, I had failed to raise 13 g’s when it premiered in December, heck, I haven’t even got the dimes for Avatar now goddamit!)

This silly (and rather nauseating) movie is as usual, about an American punk, a mere limo driver (as if Imelda Kula’s husband) and also a science fiction author (as if Bishop TD Jakes) stumbles upon a hush-hush US government project (he bribed some presidential advisor) to save all genetically gifted and the heavily dimed American chaps from an impending catastrophe (as if Haiti and Katrina combined, only that this one has more white people) that shall wipe out the entire world as we know it. The world, as usual, is New York, Paris, some bits of Italy and well, some highways in Australia. Of course Africa as usual, has no landmark (except starving kids and flying bullets, and oh, some machetes along the way) and therefore doesn’t feature in the destruction of the world.

So when this taxi-driving bugger lands on this plot, he runs off to save his ex-wife (oba why, that’s why they call it ex, bitch!) and their kids (and deliberately leave his mother-in-law locked up in the garage). From here on, the ground starts breaking apart, matter of fact, everywhere this bugger steps, an explosion goes off just 2 inches behind, when he touches a building, it collapses like the twin towers, he goes on a plane, the run way just splits up! (If you are a sucker for plot in a movie, just drop by Cine 2 and probably catch “My brother’s keeper”, otherwise, this is just about explosions, bombs, and yet anatha American hero).

At the end of the movie, the American, plus the other most important people in life, American punks, survive. The rest of us guys, have meanwhile died, like roaches feasting on doom spray in their cupboard hideouts!

This movie revolves around a prediction by the Mayan civilisation, that says the world will end in 2012, a prediction that they made about 200 years before they were wiped out like viruses in a quarantined area, wonder why they couldn’t predict their own demise (the rocks that they used to write predictions on must have run out of space when they got to 2012).

These white chaps, why do they have to profit from scaring people all the time? They had Y2K in 1999, making chaps buy Anti-viruses by the drum loads, and nothing came to pass. They then sent Kibwetere leaflets to murder chaps in the name of the world ending. Then they made blockbusters like “Independence Day”, “The Day after Tomorrow” and “Dante’s Peak”, all showing the end of life as we know it (As in New York, Washington and London, and a bit of Paris, just to legitimise the word world), but the beginning of their richness, through we buggers that be queuing up at Cineplex.

Another confused bugger wrote a book titled “The Bible Code”, sold so big, he even did part 2. What this confused Jew bugger was doing was “interpret” the Torah, that’s the Bible in Hebrew. The chap apparently uses some mathematical calculations that bring up a series of sentences, and he claims he saw “twin towers 9/11”. The punk, who must think humans are probably the densest chaps that ever existed (he’s partly right, coz the part 2 of the book sold like a billion copies) goes on to say that the bible, through codes, showed that “George W Bush wins election, Al Gore Supreme Court”, what a bunch of pansies!

Why cant this bugger just look through the bible and tell us if FDC has any chance at next year’s election, or the bible only deals with US stuff and their bullshit? Or if Tiger Woods will come back to golf (Not that we give a rat’s ass but just for just)? Or maybe if Spanish soaps will stop being bought by Ugandan TV networks as if “Sanford and Son” dvd’s cant be found (yeah, American too, but quite funny!)