Money can buy me love!!

I don’t like messing around with the bible these days, its becoming too cliché, predictable and irritatingly boring. But, one reference wouldn’t hurt.

See, the Bible has made 2 things looked ridiculously bad, a chow and money! However, am only here for the money bit.

They say all sorts of evil things about money in that book, about the rich man who would not be allowed to go to heaven, just because the bugger is blessed to have a dime, or the tax collector who is so evil, he should be chilling with the devil, one would think it’s bad to be rich, but no, and here’s why;

1 – Mbu Money is the root of all evil;

Contrary to public opinion however, “lack of money” is the root of all evil! Criminals are known to be carrying around guns, waylaying chaps on highways and stripping them of their wallets, phones and laptops, for later sale. If these scam of the earth had investments, rental incomes and shit, would they be there chilling in swamps waiting to see car lights before they ambush the victims with the precision of a leopard on a wilde beast? If we all had money, there would be no crime, except just wife beating, money has NOTHING to do with it, just a huge male ego!

2 – Mbu Money can’t buy love;

Hahahahahaha, funny! Money can buy ALL the love u want! Broke campus boys be complaining how we MP’s and fellow sugar daddies in the “young prey” trade are taking all their chicks, fuck ‘em, broke buggers, wait yo turns you young he-bitches!! We are now in charge!
So what consists of this love bullshit, lets break it down – A movie – 50,000 bucks, at least, Roses – 20,000 depending on whether u buy the plastic ones from that chick that beez walking allover Kisimenti (2,000 will do) or if u are a corporatal poser and shop flowers from the Garden City basement, with an accompanying chocolate vanilla latte from the shop next door – minimum 60,000 bucks). Deliver this stuff to her office, mbu “I want to surprise her” and the love will flow like sweet honey……no money, no honey- get it? Mess around and buy her a “rolex” mbu it’s take out, then we shall see whose phones will not be answered the next day!

3 – Mbu Money can’t buy happiness;

Mukula, aren’t u happy??? What with three online radios and an 8 cd changer in yo bathroom, ad be the happiest punk. And that’s just a small bathroom, for afternoon showers just! There’s that silly saying of “if wishes were horses beggars would ride”, fuck that shit! I talked to a beggar the other day and told him there were horses at Munyonyo, and if they were wishes, would he ride? I narrowly survived an onslaught of hard earned coins un-lash on my person by this attacker with a very very poor personal hygiene, among other broke traits he exhibited!(that’s how bad the descriptions are when u are broke). If wishes were words, he’d have said “go to hell you over rated bastard guy!!!”

4 – That Mo money Mo problems;

This statement was used by Notorious BIG to make lots of money, by way of a song! While the bastard was rapping how mo money leads to more problems, he was busy signing a record deal for yet more money, and we fans just believed this stuff. Here’s what mo money actually brings;

A bigger house with a swimming pool…….in freakin Naguru,

A blackberry smartphone, forget that silly Chinese dual sim that takes pictures,

More campus chicks,

Buffet at the Serena – 45,000 a plate, without even a soda,

U can actually put to use words like “I ordered sparkling water on a private jet”

Now let’s see what happens with less money;

Shift to a house in freakin Bwaise and buy ladders for everytime it rains, u just be chillin on the roof,

U become a rioter,

U can’t buy love,

U become unhappy – u cant buy happiness.

U become an opposition politician.

In otherwords – Less money…..mo problems.

In a nutshell, after ALL is said and done, u will realize, as I have, that Money is the source of all happiness!!

Out!!