Why we are poor!!

It’s bad to be broke, no, not you, but your country! We live in what is called, among many names “developing nation”, “third world country” ,”dark continent” and “less than a dollar a day punk”. We live in a capitalistic mindset where money stands for virtually everything.

First we had these Egypt goons threatening war if we “silly and reckless” southern states dared use the River Nile for anything without their express permission, never mind it starts down here and flows up to them! They say “no irrigation, no building dams, heck, do not take your cows to the Nile after 8 pm, we need all the water u broke idiots!!”

During the colonial days, Egypt had ganged up with fellow defilers and rapists of the land, Britain, in 1929, and came up with an agreement, that Egypt uses 80% of the nile waters, Sudan 10%, while the rest of the lumpens, “Ethiopia, Uganda, Kenya, Congo, Rwanda, Burundi heck, even South Sudan, even though they haven’t broken off yet, share the rest of the 10%, never mind the Nile is entirely fed by rivers in these so-called “broke” countries!

Idi Amin, the most vilified villain after Adolf Hitler, first kicked out the bullshit coolies back to Gujarat and Mumbai, then turned his guns on this silly 1929 treaty, and told the Egyptians, in no kind words, to “go fuck the pharaohs, these waters are ours!!”, now if that ain’t patriotism, show me why we need 5 billion bucks to teach it!

Unfortunately, he was kicked out before Egypt could launch a full scale war, which they were threatening. Amin had also promised to send the 7 deadly plagues back to this mummy land, starting with the killing of all first borns, then after that he would send a garrison of grasshoppers, which chaps be selling by the Masaka highway roadside, as a ballistic replacement to locusts, which we didn’t have!

Fast forward to 2010, and the Southern countries have now made some dimes, they are telling Egypt to “go mummify the 1929 agreement”.

Unfortunately, some of our leaders are still scared. They can incite riots but can’t fight for their country! What the hell was Raila Odinga doing, running to Egypt to “explain” Kenya’s position? Why on earth has Kabila refused to sign this agreement? He is instead drinking tea with Mubarak! Mbu “I’ll be the last to sign!”, this punk has all the minerals and timber he needs, but he still acts like a little bitch!

Another rich faggoty country, the US, has just announced an increment in visa fees to 850,000 bucks, non-refundable I might add. Britain, in the same week, said any “immigrant” trying to enter heaven….no, Britain, must pass an English test, with 65%. This immediately drew protests from Nasser Sebagala and his 5 shamba boys, “what shall I doing now??? I need sweeping engrish road to make money for super market of mine!!”

What we don’t know, is that USAID, that “arm” of the US that deals with “giving us poor punks” donor aid, was told to figure a way to raise money so as to maintain the status quo, giver and beggar (we are beggars, why do we slap Karamajong beggars!). They came up with this devious plan.

“Barrack, looky here Sir….let’s just charge these fools 850,000 bucks to apply for a visa, shower them with our movies, like Sex and the City 2, so they think the US is heaven, and they’ll be applying by the hundreds, a month. Out of 440 applicants from Uganda alone, only 80 shall be granted visas, so let’s do the math;

440 applicants * 850,000 = 374,000,000

80 granted * 850,000 = 68,000,000

Balance to “give” = 306,000,000

Now sir, all we need to do is dangle this money in front of their cabinet, ask them to vote for the US position in ANY UN resolution, including invading other poor countries, then we shall “give” them 306 millis. And oh, we shall also tell them to stop beating opposition guys, or else we give them part of this dime……WE ARE GOD!!!!!”

Now see, they are still colonialists!!! Shit, we are DENSE!!!

Whatever happened to the legacies of Nkurumah, Lumumba, Kabalega………gone are the days!!