Out of Office Auto Reply!!

Sometimes we, perennial loungers, just be here chilling on the net, like we have nothing to do…..ok, we actually have nothing to do, so we tend to learn the behavioral tendencies of the corporate types, one of which is leave us “out of office” mail replies whenever they are away!

This stuff used to piss me off, coz it was just a boring message, mbu “am out of office, will get back to you as soon as I return”, problem is, the buggers never get back, they just return to their routine, wake up at 6 and start kissing boss’ ass from 8am to 5pm!!

I however landed on a collection of ballistic out of office replies, which I think they should try out;

1 // I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood. (An MTN chap when Warid had just opened)

2 // You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all. (UMEME Director)

3 // Sorry to have missed you, but I’m at the doctor’s having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team. (Ministry of Works official)

4 // I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received. (NSSF Director)

5 // Thank you for your email. Your data card has been charged Shs5k for the first 10 words and Shs1k for each additional word in your message. (SMS Media spamming punk)

6 // The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (An Indian PC seller on Kampala Road)

7 // Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks. (Stanbic Bank)

8 // Hi, I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response. (URA E-tax division)

9 // I’ve run away to join a different circus. (Kiiza Besigye)

10 // I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘Kate’ instead of David. (That EATV presenter, oba Mathias!!)

*Copied, obviously without permission, then added on brackets, as if they are original!!