Office life is one weird place chaps should run away from as soon as they get the chance. First they make you wear embarrassing neck straps tattooed with the company logo a thousand times over, just to hold your ID, which you have to parade around, complete with your 4 names and Job title, “Corporate Accounts Executive”, which simply means “the guy who calls the client to tell him the balance on his account”, more like “customer attendant”, but no, they have to make it sound cool, to justify the silly pay!
A new “corporate” phenomenon has crept in slowly, named ISO standards. Any company that has to be “ISO Certified” has to undergo several bullshit procedures, which if introduced to the vendors in Kikuubo, would promptly reduce the nation’s tax collection amounts by half, coz this is a bunch of time wasting crap that should only be left to time wasters, like parliamentarians.
The employees, already disgusted (some) at being forced to parade their ID’s all over the place, are subjected to an “evaluation”, where they answer a series of un-necessary questions, and then get “evaluated” by the so called “experts” who then generate a report through their “evaluation monitoring software” from where they give “recommendations”. And just like “Pop Idol”, some recommendations are tooo ballistic, it’s either they love the “Idol’s” show or they are just too creative, e.g,
1 – If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean!
2 – He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them!
3 – This employee should go very far, and the sooner he starts, the better!
4 – The zoo must be missing a member!
5 – I would not allow this employee to breed!
6 – Works well while cornered like a rat!
7 – Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard was not looking!
8 – It would be to our advantage if the competitor stole him!
9 – A prime candidate for natural de-selection!
10 – Since my last evaluation, this employee has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig!
11 – His qualifications don’t endear him to our lowest paying job!
12 – When she opens her mouth, it seems it’s only to change the foot that was previously there!
13 – His empty brains explain the huge gap between the forecasts and the company’s actual achievements!
14 – Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard was not looking!
15 – If you give him a coin for his thoughts, you would get back change!
Corporate stuff!!!!
2 comments:
hahaha...
you should be someones referee
Never to be a referee, i have beef with corporatal stuff!
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