Alcoholics Synonymous

Butabika Hospital

Ward 4C

Dept of Alcohol and Drug abuse

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) session

9.02 am

John: Hi all, am John..

All in unison: Hi John

John: And am an alcohol addict…..

All: Murmers across the room.

John: Well, am here today because the court sent me here, otherwise Maggie may take the kids from me, that’s my wife, that lumpen Maggie!

All: Ohhhhh, sorry….

John: Am here to let this off my chest, see it all started with global warming….

All: What…what how …..liar liar….boo..

John: Here me out fellow drunkards, and cocaine addicts, let me tell you my story!!

All: Ok…ok go ahead!

John: As I was saying, it all started with this global warming thingy. Our government stopped getting money from donors, because they had been told to reduce on their manufacturing, so they had less money at their homes, thus the credit crunch…in my wisdom, to save this country from an economic breakdown, I realised that teetotallers don’t drink alcohol, they spend their miserly incomes on a cup of coffee and some tea bags! Let’s be frank: teetotallers are a pessimistic and morbid lot. What do they care if the economy goes to hell? Their lives suck anyway, what’s one more shadow in a pit of gloom?

We drunks, on the other hand, are the very personification of optimism and hope. When the Buganda riots broke out and all shops went to hell, which businesses remained open, which group kept their wits about them and organized havens of civility and order? The bars and the drunks, that's who. Bead for Life, Zanzi and Mateos were blazing like the day was normal.

Historically, drunks have always held high the torch of hope where others fell into despair and whimpered for mercy. Sometimes it meant setting things on fire with that torch, but that was just to wake those gloomy bastards up. Yes, it is plain we must march (or stagger, if we’re really stimulated) forth and inspire the country with our natural confidence and cheer.

However, the pangs of headaches and high appetites brought upon us by the effects of dehydration have made us use up the dimes Maggie was supposed to buy the kid’s milk with, darn her and the kids, the whole bunch just cant let me be! Beer advertisers that tell us “we deserve it, after a day long’s work” and don’t tell us that it may lead to loss of Maggie and the kids, are to blame!!

All: You are in a state we call denial……..u’ll get over it if you hang in here more, and stop watching premier league, and buy African Woman more often, and move to Warid Paka Last!

John: That’s some gay shit!! Al remain Alcoholic Synonymous! Fuck that bitch Maggie, and them kids!!

Warning: Alcohol is dangerous for your health……and the kids too…..and even the wife!! Strictly for sale to persons over 18!