The other side of Xmas!

“Christmas celebrations were disrupted at Bibia in Atyak Sub-county after about 50 herds of elephants invaded the area.
Amuru District speaker, Mr Micheal Lakony, said on Sunday that the elephants came from Nimule in South Sudan and destroyed crops in several gardens.
“People did not sleep and Christmas became like a funeral,” he said. He said the attempt to meet the Sudan Consulate in Gulu to find a solution for the animals was futile.” Monitor Online

So the Speaker wanted to meet the Sudan consulate. For what?? Lets just see what would have transpired;

Speaker: Sir Mr consulate I am here to report chitijens of yo country, erm, 50 of them to be exact, that have been wrecking mayhem in our countrymen’s gardens..

Sudan chap: What? What rebel group is this? I can swear to you our government is not behind these attacks, we condemn them and vow to do everything in our power to bring these lumpens to book!

Speaker: No sir, this is not a rebel group, but 50 elephants from sudan. We would like to know why your immigration department granted these vicious creatures visas to leave the country, and why they were seen carrying Sudanese passports!!

Sudan chap: I think we can reach a decision here, just expel them and stamp on their passports “ALL COUNTRIES EXCEPT UGANDA”, worked well with South Africa.

Speaker: OK!! But since we killed one of them with chloroform the other day and feasted on it like a wedding at Munyonyo, we’ll just do the same for the rest, hope your country wont mind us eating it’s citizens!

In more weird news;

Christmas spelt doom for a man in Amuru district (why is all this news from the SAME DISTRICT) when a cow he was leading to the slaughter chamber kicked his hand, and the knife he was holding dived straight into his neck, killing him instantly!

We’re still not sure if the cow went ahead to chop him into ribs and other pieces, fix the pieces on skewers and called all other cows for a bar-be-que.

And finally the big one on the big day, Presidential Advisor on Security matters in Buganda (never knew they had one, oba for what? Riots?) Brig Kasirye Gwanga, opened fire on followers of God’s son Hezu (Jesus in Mexican) coz they were yelling for the neighbourhood, moreover just yelling bullshit! (He just shot in the air, three times, and the believers scampered like roaches when the light is turned on! They had in essence denied Jesus, Like Peter after the cock’s three crows)

A few of them, who looked pissed, gave the Monitor a few thoughts, “he may be a soldier but before God, we are ALL equal”. But since they were murmuring, to the extent that the reporter had to keep bending his ear to their mouths to get the words they were saying properly, looks to me like they are definitely not equal!