Murderous Marketing!!

Some quasi geniuses at Unilever, makers of almost everything you find in your loos, from washing soap to Vim, have come up with an ingenious slogan for one of their flagship products, the powder detergent, OMO! The slogan goes, “Omo, dirt is good”.

They even went a step further to make tv ads showing a kid rolling up and down in mud, in a vain attempt to tie his shoe laces, till he gets home all covered in mud, and the mom is soooo excited that she now has a chance to use up that Omo she just bought! Then the lousy ad narrator says dirt is good, coz children get to learn so much, like tying shoe laces, for example.

Askaris and other broke chaps that usually hang in my vicinity, waiting for that legendary 500 bucks coin we “corporatal pretenders” be dishing out to them after they’ve refrained themselves from stealing the side mirror of that jalopy wheelbarrow on 4 wheels, were more overjoyed than mothers of Kintante kids, when they heard that a soap manufacturer has declared dirt as being good. One was overheard saying how he was saving up to bump up to this detergent, distance himself from the usual bar soap, and impress Nantume, that chick that serves katogo at the Prime Ministers building, and how he could now use that dime to go to the tailors and sew up a new belt from the sisal threads he’d been collecting!

Parasites and other germs that be chilling in mud, waiting to enter humans and turn dirty chaps into “river blind” characters were seen celebrating the announcement by Omo, coz now they have been given free breeding grounds, in the name of kids fetching them from muddy areas, for free.

Lice and jiggers were more than ecstatic to hear that Omo has finally stopped fighting their breeding grounds, and has joined hands with them to declare they are the best pals to have.

Some ads completely make no sense at all, like the one of some bugger that hates his chick’s food, “what is this, I cant eat this bad food”, then a chick is like “but when I use Royco, see what happens”, then the lumpen starts showering praises on his now excited wife! I shall personally start yelling at the bu chicks at Chillies the day I discover they are not on this Royco bandwagon!

However, these ads are preferred to these warnings we be getting on a daily. “Get off the sexual network”, the ad screams ALL day. These sexual network chaps really have a dime coz there’s no turn you make and don’t hear their stuff! If you try to dodge the ads, the DJ will have that as his/her only topic, from Sanyu FM to Radio 1. Unfortunately after 5 pints at JK, that’s the last thing on most minds, that’s if you don’t end up in an accident, trying to dodge that pothole.

These however don’t compare to the LOUSIEST of them all, Warid paka last, where some villager is complaining mbu “Mister Cheyamani, there is ku-ledit-y ku-lanch, fuel-o ku-lanch…..” That’s when u feel like punching the speaker!

So all those against adverts, we need to pay like Dstv for a radio station, 30 gs a month and get spared this shit.

Out!